User reviews

Danny Dyer plays a hit-man called 'Jamie'... alright, I suppose there must be some hit men in the world called 'Jamie' - but for conjuring up a hard man character, let's just call him 'Marion'.

Marion kills people. And looks very sleepy whilst he does it. He might be moody. He's possibly hung over. Who knows? He doesn't like talking much. Because he tells his 'bird' "I ain't one for talking" (or words to that effect. Presumably to add to his moodiness?) At one point, he senses imminent danger. How? A seagull flies overhead. Perhaps part of his moodiness is talking to animals and birds? Anyone, before this seagull can shout "Watch it you mugs!", a spray of bullets. And old Daniel's stood there like he's just remembered he's left his front door key at home.

Meanwhile, The not-really-the Krays Brothers seem to think they're in the British answer to Michael Mann's 'Heat'. Maybe even 'Leon'. Unfortunately they come across as two blokes in a self-build borrowed from Grand Designs.

Some scenes have bad audio. (For example, there's a 'confrontation' on a street at night. The ambiance would have you believe it was chucking out time on a Friday night - yet for all this drunken cavorting noise, there's hardly a person to be seen. Anywhere.) Some have bad camera work/direction. Every scene is poor translation of an even worse screenplay. Seriously: 'Marion' kills some bloke with a plastic bag (The police believe it's some nonce engaging in a bit of auto-erotic asphyxiation - and the way Dyer does it, it might as well be. And we know the police think he died due to auto-erotic asphyxiation because they tell us about 4 times).

Dead bag man turns out to be the dad of some topless dancer who Dyer takes home for a bit of how's one's father. I've lost count the number of times this has happened to me. Assassinate someone. Pick up a tart. Oh no: They're related.

And then the two brothers in the Grand Designs house start getting wobbly because SOMEONE might find out. But Dyer - the professional assassin that he is - can't kill the tart, because he's getting his leg over. (Presumably he's not had much recently) It's easy to poke at Dyer - he is miscast, relying on some 'smell the fart' acting, but he's not the weakest link here. The script is just a cut 'n paste from every crap gangster/hit-man movie there ever was. The direction, supporting cast... all not very good at all.

After years of using IMDb, this will be my first review, and I'm gonna keep it short. I only wanted to review this because of the misleading 7.1 rating it somehow has, I honestly don't know how that's possible. This has to be in my top 5 of worst movies I've ever seen. I'm a big fan of Danny Dyer, but I'm sorry Danny, you were dyer. The acting was terrible from the whole cast, poorly written dialogue and totally predictable. There wasn't one moment in the film I thought was good, avoid wasting an hour and twenty minutes of your life and instead, go clean the kitchen, it will be much more enjoyable and rewarding when you finish.

I don't know what fills me with despair more - the fact that Danny Dyer keeps making " movies", or the fact that I keep watching them.

Anyway in this one Danny plays Danny Dyer pretending to be a hit-man ( zzzz) who falls in love with...I've lost the will to go on and this is just the synopsis on the DVD box.

Anyway Danny is in this, along with that Kemp from eastenders . and his brother ( no, not Steve Mcfadden the other one). Danny spends much of the movie riding about pointlessly on a motorbike. Well I suppose the running time has to be padded out somehow.

There is little action and no suspense. After a dull action scene in which Dyer wanders about without taking his crash helmet off ( like a less animated version of the Stig with a lisp), he receives a summons to meet gangland heavies martin kemp and his brother ( not Phil Mitchell). After a cheeky nandos and some top bantz wiv da lads, Dyer gets the info on his next execution..and from there things begin to get interesting . ( if by interesting you mean predictable, boring and idiotic).

As usual Dyer looks bored and vaguely resentful, martin Kemp looks grateful to be earning enough to pay for hair dye, and everyone else seems to be auditioning to be an extra in The Walking Dead.

There is nothing that resembles a plot or a denouement.

Insert your own joke about Danny Dyer and "helmet". I can't be bothered.

Review: I don't think that you will be that surprised that I didn't really enjoy this movie. It seemed quite cheap and the storyline wasn't that great. Its about a hit-man (Dyer) whose been hired by the Kemp brothers to take out a business man who cheated them out of there money. While Dyer is scoping his victim, he falls in love with a club dancer who happens to be his victims daughter. When he finally takes care of business, her identity comes to light and she starts to put the pieces together to try and find her father's killer. The Kemp brothers don't like the fact that she is meddling in there business so they hire Dyer to take out the girl, which he is reluctant to do. They then flee from London so she can be safe, but they soon get hunted down so Dyer has to use his skills to protect the girl and his own life. It was good to see the Kemp brothers together again, after the brilliant Krays movie, but this movie was terrible. I predicted what was going to happen, right from the beginning of the film so the storyline wasn't that great. I've seen Dyer play these type of roles, many times before so his performance was average but the Kemp brothers were great. I found the girl quite annoying after a while and the awful music all the way through the film didn't help. At the end of the day, it's just your everyday Dyer movie. Poor.

Round-Up: After watching this film, I really can't see were the budget went. It's filmed around London but most of the scenes are in houses or in a nightclub. Anyway, I honestly think that Dyer going into Eastenders, was the best thing for his career because his movies are really poor. There's only a handful of movies that were really good in this genre, like the Business, Sexy Beast and Essex Boys but there isn't anything original coming from the UK. I rate Dyer for not going to Hollywood to try and make a big name for himself and he has kept true to his acting abilities but he has really hit a dead end when it comes to the movies that he chooses. I'm glad that they stopped bringing out all of the football hooligan movies because they were getting a bit tedious and there's not that much range for movies in that genre. The problem isn't only in the UK! We have hit the time of the remake in Hollywood which has made some of the big actors only take original projects. That means that we have a flood of new actors who can't really act or haven't got any screen charisma. Anyway, in this movie it really is the Kemp brothers who show professionalism and steal the screen. I just hope that they take on more projects in the future.

Budget: $3.5million Worldwide Gross: N/A

I recommend this movie to people who are into their English gangster movies about a hit-man who is given a job that he is reluctant to do. 2/10

The creators of this film were going for the cold but calculated assassin, but what they ended up was Danny dyer acting timid, simple and boring, which while is not what the creators intended it is still quite funny. So it is one of those "its so bad its good situations" regarding the main character's acting, however the story is quite good. For this to work like Jason stahams "mechanic", Danny Dyer would need to do similar things, like get in shape and train with firearms. If Dyer looked the part physically and performed with firearms professionaly it would bring a focus and energy which does not make him seem like a quiet simpleton.

Assassin is a brilliant Brit-flick with a thrilling insight into the good old British underworld. If you like electrifying, hard hitting, British gangster films then it's definitely for you. Danny Dyer plays the role of 'Jamie', and as always he fills the role perfectly. I find in watching this you get a sense of involvement, like you're really there watching things unfold before your eyes. This sure to be classic crime thriller will have you on the edge of your seat as Dyer does whatever he can to save the woman he loves. Assassin sets itself apart from other Gangland films by not just having all the grit, guts and glory of a British Gangland film, but also having an underlying story of love and sacrifice. which I find will appeal to all audiences. Well written, Well directed, and well cast. Assassin is definitely one of the best homegrown indie's I've seen in a long while!

Begins well. Unfortunately the first 5 minutes or so are the absolute highlight. I watched this film mere hours ago and it is already beginning to fade from memory.

Admittedly there were no real "cringe" scenes in which i believed the acting or dialogue or cinematography to be horrible yet nothing stood out about it.

In my mind, the greatest films are the ones you can not only remember, but take something away from the "experience" of watching them. This film was the opposite. I expect to have forgotten it by the time i wake up tomorrow.

Final Advice: Watch only if your intention is to pass time (procrastinate) and you have no real interest or expectation of this movie.

LJ

I have seen wooden posts give more realistic performances. Why do casting agents keep putting forward Danny Dyer, the man can't act for s*%t, he really is useless.

He likes to portray these hard men roles but can't quite carry it off as he is known for being a whining little Muppet in real life, its a bit like casting Woody Allen as Captain America, it might be entertaining but it would in no way be believable.

Danny Dyer should really stick to making hard men programs for Dave or UK Gold...

In the real world does anyone actually watch one off his movies with a hope of seeing a serious character portrayal, unfortunately it has got even worse since his Eastenders appearances, Danny should quit whilst he is "slightly" ahead and get a job presenting nice little quiz show like Bradley Walsh...

Sometimes in video games or animation there will be poor dubber who phones it in, they sound very lazy or are probably just in the bathroom reading some paper. It's a truly rare case where an actor of a movie does this, the leading role even, in a perfectly soulless manner. The lead Danny Dyer just stands there muttering some lines with the expression range of one who suffers Botox overdose. Other theories include unworldly possession or he might just be a robot, that would be far more fascinating.

Jamie (Danny Dyer) is a poker-faced hit-man. One day he meets with a woman who turns out to be involved with his work. There is little acting to speak of, some supporting characters are decent, but almost the entirety of the movie is spent on looking at Jamie looking at nothing. He looks the same when he kills people, engages in small talk or meets the love of his life. Audiences at home are probably more vivid as they react to the unbearable stiff acting.

Visual is bizarre, the camera seems to be shifting from side to side for no reason. It would shuffle slightly to the back of the head when normal conversations occur or wobble from behind some object. There's also plenty of running or riding bike, which is fine to create atmosphere, but it feels unnecessary after the twelfth time. The script is so abrupt and random, it doesn't even explain basic plot clearly let alone convince the audiences that it has authentic relationship.

Soundtrack is a repetitive humming theme throughout the movie, and at times it blasts the volume for screaming scenes. People, especially girl characters, would scream so zealously in hope to prevent audience from sleeping through. Action is nearly non-existent. Forget about choreography, Assassin only stands there, equally rigid, and fires away. No stunts or believable motion like taking cover.

There is no aspect of this movie that isn't severely flawed. Beware, Assassin will kill your time. That pun is as cringe-worthy as the movie.

Quiet menace ! My eleven year old granddaughter is more menacing when she is in a GOOD MOOD . GOOD FELLOWS take THE MONEY AND RUN SOAP OPERA CRAP RONNIE AND REGGIE STRIKE AGAIN BUT THEY Don't LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT Not even a B movie my blind friends said the cheese grater was a better read than this . Eddie Webber has no BUSINESS being in this tom tit .

More than ten lines.The name "Assassin" is often said to derive from the Arabic word Hashishin or "users of hashish",[2] a misnomer thought to have been derogatory and used by their adversaries during the Middle Ages. Originally applied to the Nizari Ismaelis by the Mustali Ismailis during the fall of the decaying Ismaili Fatimid Empire and the separation of the two streams,[3] it is possible that the term hashishiyya or hashishi in Muslim sources was used metaphorically in its abusive sense (i.e. "social outcasts", "low-class rabble", etc.), while the literal interpretation of this term in referring to the Nizaris (as hashish consuming

I really don't usually like Danny Dyer films that much but this is really not as bad as many of the other reviews would have you believe. Sure some of the acting is a bit iffy but the story isn't reply that bad!!! Now I have seen some really awful movies and I really can't in all honesty list this as one of them. As I said I don't usually like Danny's films - same character in every movie just plonked into different scenarios, however I found in this film that he actually could do a bit of acting. I hate not finishing a movie no matter how bad it is but Assassin wasn't one of them. The lady interest wasn't the best at acting but was OK. I was very disappointed in the Kemp brothers however, they are usually much better at acting but were rubbish in this movie. Could have been the direction or something I don't know but something was off. Honestly not as bad as is made out but not a fantastic movie either. If you don't really like low budget British movies then don't watch this but if you don't mind them then give it a go.

STAR RATING: ***** Saturday Night **** Friday Night *** Friday Morning ** Sunday Night * Monday Morning

Jamie (Danny Dyer) is a cold, pitiless assassin who carries out jobs for numerous undesirables around London. His latest clients are the Alberts Brothers (Martin and Gary Kemp) who want him to whack off a local councillor who's duped them over some dodgy planning application. After carrying out the job, he crosses paths with troubled stripper Chloe (Holly Weston) and ends up falling in love with her. However, the identity of his last assignment and his relation to his new squeeze plunges him and those around him into a deadly battle for survival.

Now settled in as a main character on national TV institution East Enders, Danny Dyer still finds time to appear in these occasional, off the radar little flicks, that belong in the much touted British gangster genre. And this would prove to be one of his better ones, a little more coherent and effective than his recent, similarly themed Vendetta. It has a solid, interesting story that goes in different angles than you might expect it to. Plus, Dyer himself is actually pretty good in the lead role, and Martin Kemp especially has presence as one of the main villains. It's a pretty brutal, unflinching ride, too, not afraid to skimp on the brutal violence and hard hitting action.

Short and sweet, it manages to all wrap up at just under an hour and a half, and the pace matches the length. Yes, the lighting's a little blurry and maybe there are a few inconsistencies and plot holes in the script, but no more than in any other such film, and for a film that probably had a pretty low budget, how it's presented is forgivable. Dyer seems to have been the victim of the British 'build 'em up, tear 'em down' mentality among film connoisseurs, when you think there was a time when he was being touted as a the next Ray Winstone, only now to have everyone gloating in his status, appearing in more lesser known, lower grade films, and knocking his acting. He does feel a little typecast, but that's how you tend to get a fan base, and you could get someone far worse making forgettable but enjoyable films like this. ***

I cannot believe i just wasted and hour and a half of my life watching this. I could have spent that time doing something more productive like watching paint dry.

J.K. Amalou should be ashamed to have written and directed such an atrocious film. Terrible acting throughout which is not surprising given the cast plus gaps in the plot. Poorly produced and badly directed. This film is officially the worst film i have ever seen, overtaking Teeth and Batman & Robin.

I cannot believe this scored so highly with a 3.4, this film deserves no more than a 1/10. Lets hope J.K. Amalou takes stock and never ever makes a film like this again.

The only positive i can find was the end credits.

Jamie (Danny Dyer) is an assassin for hire who does a job for brothers John & Lee Alberts (Gary & Martin Kemp respectively). The brothers bought a plot of land to build a club on and were given the assurance from council big-wig Tony Boyd (Robert Kavanagh) that there would be no issues in getting the required planning permission that they needed. When they learn that Boyd is not willing to complete his end of the bargain (after the brothers have already paid him £100,000) they decide that he needs to be taken care of and hires Jamie to complete the task. Complications ensue when Jamie falls in love with the daughter of the man that he's killed and he takes it upon himself to protect her from the brothers who will do everything they can to silence her.

Assassin makes the bold claim on its poster that it is by 'The Makers of Goodfellas' and indeed this film does share one thing in common with Goodfellas and that is that both film share the same executive producer (Barbara De Fina). I suspect that this was a marketing tool employed to try to sucker more people into watching the film or buying the DVD. All I'll say is that Assassin & Goodfellas may share the same producer, but they are worlds apart in terms of quality....

The problems really start with Danny Dyer and to say that his acting is weak would be putting it kindly, but even for him this was bad. He is lifeless and unenthusiastic here and looked as bored as I was through the entirety of the film. It isn't all Dyer's fault though - the script is rather weak and has very little drive to it. It was one of those films that seemed to establish story arcs, but then decided not to follow them through (such as the money held in the dodgy offshore account). The film also features The Kemp brothers who are basically just playing the Krays twins all over again. In itself this doesn't sound too bad and had the film had the brutality and the engaging narrative that The Krays offered then it probably would have made for a much better film. As it is screenwriter J.K Amalou fails to develop John and Lee as characters and gives the Kemps very little to work which results in them almost resorting to self-parody. I also thought it was interesting that a big deal seemed to made about the fact that John was ill only then to find that we're not told what illness he was suffering from or how he injured his leg? These things aren't really important to the story, but it would have been nice if some background had been afforded just to flesh the characters out a bit. In terms of performances, no-one else really made much of an impression on me here although Holly Weston was quite effective in some scenes.

I think the worst thing about this film is that it fails to actually have one strong or effective scene; it's a thriller without thrills and really is just a boring non-event film. Although it's a terrible film the only saving grace is that I only wasted 80 minutes of my life watching this film. Please don't waste any of your own time watching it.