Live Nude Girls

After I caught a string of positive reviews competing with folks saying this is awful, I had to find out which group was full of crap. My money was on those saying 'Live Nude Girls' was a good time. A gang of boring or annoying people, cringe humor in a dismal tale that wouldn't keep your focus if it wasn't for nudity.

Shane (Mike Hatton) inherits an LA strip club from his deceased uncle and makes the cross country journey with loser friend Tommy (Har Mar Superstar) to run it. He's shocked to find it failing with a drugged out manager (Dave Foley) at the helm. Add in wacky clientele, employees including horny strippers, a perfunctory romance in cocktail waitress Christina (Annamarie Pazmino) and revenge plot via scorned ex-dancer Boots (Tera Patrick). Her ploy to get the club closed unless the boys can settle a debt in seven days.

Tommy when he's not being an idiot offers little help to his friend, but finds time to film documentary style a bunch of conversations nothing short of painful. Loose strands indicate this is taking place during the 80's and oh the club goes from barely afloat to raking in the cash at the snap of the fingers. Newest lady Chloe (Bree Olsen) turns stripper then revolutionizes the game and invents pole dancing. Right ...

Large parts of 'Live Nude Girls' feel ad-libbed from people who think what they're creating is funny. Likely made in a couple of days on the cheap during daylight hours at a real strip club everything looks fine visually, but it's an exercise in mild titillation at best. Big boobs, few juicy shots of asses and Tera Patrick still looking great at 38 years old.

Let's not take ourselves too seriously. If I was forced to watch Expendables 3 or Live Nude Girls a second time, I would rather watch Bree Olson, Asa Akira, and especially Tera Patrick one more time. Bree does her ditsy blonde routine to perfection, and Tera Patrick is a good actress. She plays a bipolar seductress, and switches from a sweet aunt to greedy bitch faster than you can say "I'm not a fig plucker, nor a fig pluckers son, but I'll pluck figs until the fig plucker comes." It's a NICE movie. The hero is a nice guy who inherits a famous club running out of money. There is a bouncer with a poet's soul, an affable manager with drug and alcohol problems, a loser best friend who comes through in the end. There is even a romance between the main character and the cocktail waitress who actually runs the entire club. OK. It's not Shakespeare. The sole purpose is to make you smile. It's a decent story, photographed well with plenty of interesting characters, lots of great tits and a happy ending that ties all the character lines together. Lighten up. Watch it while you're cleaning house or balancing the checkbook. It's a visual snack, not a 7 Course Feast.

No pun intended - obviously the title refers to the establishment the titular girls (if you see a pun here, I will not apologize for your thoughts) are working for and in what ... let's say state they are in (mostly undressed).

That being said, the movie is all over the place. I am not sure if it suggests to be or tell us how private dances were invented. And I have to admit, I could not be bothered checking if that is what the movie was trying to do. Having some meat behind it - ok with a title like that you don't even have to be inventive when it comes to innuendo and puns. As long as you don't make a mess .... yes even more and I'll keep them coming - maybe.

I almost feel sorry for the actors in this, some seem to be in the business of not being shy to take their clothes off. But no matter if you may recognize someone (I would imagine there being at least a few), not shaming you if you do and not telling you not to like whoever you are into.

Major problem is that the movie switches between humor and erotic adventures - mostly staying in the silly lane though. So don't expect this to get you up ... and running. Whatever that may mean for and to you. There are moments that work (like the roadie that turns out to be way more than that - savior one may say), but in the end and mostly you have a movie that tried but could not ... well finish what it started. Not even sure if you can call it a happy ending - in any sense that is - that you are being served here. Enough puns and enough wasting your time - humor is in the eye of the beholder, if you had more fun with this, I truly mean this: good for you.

Very slow moving painful disaster of a movie. The pornstars are about the best actors in this flick! Seriously. Bree Olson acts really well and so does Asa Akira. Other roles are so much overplayed that you can litterally see the effort of acting. Cringy characters and freaks ruin any chance of the movie to be somewhat realistic. But as a comedy, the movie totally lacks of comic highlights. And then there is this douchbag with a camera trying to document developments, sort of movie within a movie, a totally futile exercise ending up cuting the flow of the story.... but then, what story? Whoever thinks that the movie oozes sexual energy: be disappointed. The movie is a waste of time.

I've grown abit tired of typical Hollywood blockbusters and now often scrape the bottom of the barrel C grade, low budget, 5.0 and below rated movies.

Live Nude Girls is one of those rare movies that somehow manage to get the right balance of being pretty awful, yet charming and funny at the same time. And surprisingly some of these porn stars can actually act and have decent comedic timing.

If you're into bad movies and aren't offended by nudity, Live Nude Girls is worth a watch.