Battle for Skyark

How do films like this get made? I'm sure that I'll never know. But somebody spent a fair amount of cash producing this nonsense.

The good: It's short? The bad: Everything else. There is no discernible plot of any kind. The characters actions make absolutely no sense. There's no exposition, no climax, no goal to achieve, and it ends as a cliffhanger. The acting is unforgivable. No part of the story makes the slightest attempt to follow a thread of logic. Kids are beating up/killing adults at every preposterous turn. The fortified camp of survivors on the planet's surface is essentially a ring of shopping carts pushed together with some cardboard for extra reinforcement. The dialogue is embarrassing for any genre regardless of expected audience. The special effects don't even make sense (is the "skyark" a few hundred feet above the ground hovering or in orbit? You'll never know; you'll never care). As a distraction for sitting through this dreck, I tried to think of a worse film that I've ever watched; all I could come up with was "Ski Patrol" ... maybe, but Ski Patrol at least had a dog that could fart on command which exceeds any of the talents in Battle for SkyArk.

The verdict: This is not worth your time, money, or effort to make sense of. It's simply one of the worst movies that has ever been made. It has absolutely no redeeming virtues. Nothing that could have been done to this film could possibly have made it worse - it is the low marker for judging movies. Imagine the worst anime that you've ever sat through being turned into a live-action film by a group of 5 junior high school students with a handicam... that is better than this by a factor of 100. Run away!

For those who have seen or played Japanese video games, Battle for Skyark would be awfully familiar. It closely follows the aspects of role playing game, from the brooding teenage boy who is destined to save the world, intricate yet impractical costumes, cheesy one-liner and stereotypical one dimensional characters with outlandish hairdo. I was seriously having flashback of childhood memories when watching the movie, unfortunately it does not even remotely create the same fond memory it's inspired from.

If one searches the image of Final Fantasy or any other Japanese RPG, it should show a character similar to Rag, the main protagonist. Rag is destined for greatness as a savior. He must journey to fulfill this prophecy, meeting new allies and defeating monsters along the way. The movie is, in the very sense, a live action inspired by anime or video game. It borrows so heavily till the point of cringe-worthy.

Most fantasy games have excellent visual and incredible CGI, this is not so in this case. Battle for Skyark is frankly a low budget flick. It tries to deliver the style with the same complicated outfits and extraordinary hairdo, but it's trapped with typical tedious scenes with little coherency. The monsters and setting seem very uninspiring as it only shows bits of special effects, these are too few to create any convincing atmosphere.

Sadly, this formulaic "teen saves the world" gimmick was already dull in Japanese fifteen years ago. Using same artificial rigid characters, like the stern companion or silly sidekick, can feel very monotonous. The screenplay doesn't work well either, often glossing over details or stutters slowly in the middle. The dialogues are corny, they might work on games or animations, but given the real life interpretation, they feel bizarre at best. Lastly, narrative doesn't clearly explain nor does it conclude in satisfying manner.

I wanted this movie to work, maybe due to sentiment or nostalgia. However, in all honesty Battle for Skyark might copy the look of characters, but the plot, setting and overall atmosphere merely produce a lackluster movie.

The movie is indeed a movie...that's about it. It kind of seemed from previews it was supposed to be some sort of battle between the city in the sky and the rejects left on or sent back to earth. Yet, 80% of the movie you are trying to figure out about some sort of rebellion or what shadows are and the main character trying to find some guts. The little bit of CGI in the movie is 1 or 2 scenes that are repeated over and over again. The acting is pretty rough and forced with little to no emotion. Action scenes are horrendous. Costumes are somewhat on point but the movie is obviously low budget and you can tell. Oh well, it is worth the watch if you have absolutely nothing else to do and want to cringe a little and try to solve the mystery of Battle for Skyark.

This movie has a great many ideas that could have been put together effectively, had the director and writers had the right goal in mind. The goal that they chose was to make a film of self-discovery, early teenage romance, and a coming-of-age story set in the midst of apocalyptic desolation. All that would have been fine except that too many necessary parts of the puzzle were not available.

As always, I am here to brazenly presume that I could do better! If you're interested, I have some "fixes" I would have applied had I been involved.

1. The biggest missing piece, of course, is the acting. Coming-of-age stories are typically dramatic in the extreme, and very demanding of the actors involved. Early love, infatuation, disappointment and broken hearts, betrayal, jealousy, depression, passion, the death of loved ones.. It should have been evident from the start that all of the young people involved in this film don't have the acting chops yet to pull this off. I would instead suggest that the film be focused much more on action. Less time playing sad music and watching downcast eyes. I got REALLY tired of watching the hero periodically give up and slump to the ground in defeat, especially since he didn't seem to be trying very hard. Don't ask him to portray such feelings, instead keep him in the fray. Bring on the monsters!

2. Budget concerns. Obviously this is not a high budget feature. That's OK, they did great with what they had. I think it could have come off a little bit better if they'd put more emphasis on dirt. Quite frankly, all of the important parts of the movie were much too clean to be convincing. The actors looked freshly washed. Some of them even have hair that can't exactly keep it's look if you live in a garbage dump. I would suggest filming after they'd actually lived in the dust and sand for a few days without a shower.

3. Direction and Pacing. The story kept slowing down, the motives of the characters appeared to change constantly. Just have a goal and stick with it. The entire story appears to happen within a day! That's not enough time for the characters to grow and reach the sort of conclusions they reached. I felt as though this should have been at least a few weeks worth. Some re-writing is absolutely essential here. Character growth takes time. If you really want your story's timeline to happen quickly, leave out the drama and take my earlier suggestion to bring on the action.

4. Violence. This is conceptually a very violent movie! This movie has monsters, sword fighting, killing, it's all here. And yet blood was mysteriously absent. The fighting stunts are weak and difficult to follow, and completely nonsensical. Blood is a must, and death scenes should be on camera, not suddenly off camera and assumed.

5. Common sense. This is tough and maybe even unfair, but too many things happen that simply don't exemplify the sort of things rational people would do. The writer should have sat back, had some random people read the script and ask what impressions came to mind. People would immediately give some corrections. It can be hard for a writer to pull his head out of his work and look at it objectively, so outside input is critical.

6. Casting. There was really not much need to have so many actors in this film. Or rather, there was no need to have so many extras. Too many of the kids said and did nothing, all the way until they were removed from the story. Why not just trim the cast down to the more important characters?

I'm not certain who the audience for this movie was supposed to be. Is it a family film? It has some pretty violent undertones for a family film. It's clearly a sci-fi monster film. It has all the elements of something I wouldn't want my children to watch, and yet it pulls it's punches, coming off as surgically clean. It's like a horror film with no horror.

It's my first review on IMDb and it will serve a sole purpose: I hope that reading this will make at least one person step away from this flick and save his soul (or at least his time).

Bad movies are my guilty pleasure, B movie as well and i'll watch birdemic or zombeaver any day. But this film is nonsensical, mediocre, boring and cringe-worthy every second.

On the plus side, the story might remotely make some sense, and I've seen worst FX for that kind of budget.

But for the rest: I hate every single character, the direction is abysmal, the score is too heavy (ear that piano chump! Now be sad we command you!). No one seem to have the slightest bit of common sense Most reaction are either cliché or completely idiotic.

The cast tries way too hard being cool and they all fail miserably.

The pacing is out of this world and will bore you to death.

I have had no fun whatsoever watching this film: It's so boring that (and i'm not kidding here) played farmville during the movie and I couldn't care less.

I wish future me would travel in time and punch me in the face for watching this. So please don't be as foolish as myself and run away from this piece of mental abuse.