Love Rat

The 'infinite monkey theorem' suggests that a monkey hitting typewriter keys at random for an infinite amount of time would almost surely write any given text at some point, including the complete works of Shakespeare.

What people *don't* know about this theorem is that it also suggests that it would take that same monkey around only 3½ hours (including a 15-minute lunch break for a banana and a Kit Kat) to write the average 4-part drama for Channel 5.

And in the case of Love Rat, average is being kind.

It's abysmal. Whoever told Neil Morrissey he could act was a bare faced liar, as even up against the rest of this wooden cast he was particularly dreadful.

The daughter has to be one of the most unlikeable characters ever written (better luck next time, monkey) but thankfully she's not in it much. Less thankfully that means more time for the mother to waddle around Cyprus bouncing from gullible to stupid along the way.

I saw the ending coming from a mile away despite it being utterly ridiculous, and as for the final scenes - well, perhaps the monkey had had a lobotomy.

3/10

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I won't regurgitate all the valid comments on here, pretty much all of them are spot on. I am amazed that a few people scored it above 8! Each to his own I guess and it is all personal opinion but this production is absolutely awful. A plot so thin and predictable with dreadful performances by Morrisy (so no change there, this guy just cannot act, he's just really annoying and drags anything down that he is cast in....with perhaps the exception of Bob the builder). The daughter is a squealing annoyance and it's true that you can't understand a word she says! Really not one to put on your watch list unless you are a masochist....avoid avoid avoid.... I watched all 4 episodes to be sure it ended as badly as it started and in this aspect it didn't let me down!

Should read 0 star. The script and plot is so bad I find it very hard to believe any money was wasted on filming it. Any cast could not make this into a credible storyline. The story is completely implausible. The lines are corny and cheesy and bordering on spoof-like because the whole production is so bad. Sally Lindsey is believable when it comes to casting a frumpy, grumpy granny from somewhere like Stockport. But not as one that then turns into a super sleuth action woman. Her acting is wooden and along the lines of the equally dreadful Madame Blanc series. I guess the cast and crew got a nice trip out to Cyprus but if I were any of them I would not want my involvement with Love Rat appearing on my CV.

OK its C5 and we expect something cheap and cheerful, but this only managed to over deliver on the cheapness.

Sally was introduced to us living in a house in the woods, which didn't seem to have any lights? Not surprisingly she went to Cyprus for some holiday sun - but her room there didn't have any lights either. The darkness followed her.

Seems like they couldn't afford a film crew...

This was a real Turkey in every single respect, Direction, Writing, Acting, Production Values, Score - they all sucked big time.

An embarrassing effort, one to avoid - or watch for laughs if you've had a few (too many) drinks.

Seriously you need subtitles because I could not understand a word that came from the annoying brat daughter characters mouth. It was some kind of mermaid gobbledygook squealing language. It didn't help that the daughter was also an annoying and selfish character, only interested in mummys divorce money for her salon. The story and script was so amateurish that it made the actors look bad and this can't be so because there are some well known and experienced actors in this series. Are we really to believe that chunky, matronly unfit Emma can knock guns out of fit males hands and run from them? So many holes in the story and editing that one would think a school kid wrote the script. Lazy script but I'm quite sure everyone had a great holiday abroad enjoying the sun. Watch it without rolling your eyes if you can.