Slink

Given the synopsis for this movie, you know that you are not going to be in for something great. But still, I decided to give the movie a chance, you just might never know, it could have been the surprise of the century...

...but it wasn't. By all that is unholy, this movie was just awful. It is without a doubt one of the worst horror/thriller movies I have had to suffer through. The storyline was, well, boring to say the least. The characters were one-dimensional and the acting was wooden at best. This whole movie just reeked.

But it gets better, apparently most of the movie was just about having to show off more or less naked ladies on the screen as they were to make use of the tanning salon. And the fight scenes in the movie, well I will not say anything, because it has to be seen to be believed. Yeah, it was that bad.

The storyline in "Slink", or what passed as a storyline, is about a maniacal tanning salon owner who uses the customers for supplying his deranged purse-making wife with materials for her handiwork.

That was basically it for the story. It never at one moment had me captivated at any point, as there just was nothing in the movie to support a proper story. And the horrendous acting did nothing to help the movie along. Maybe it is just me, but were some of the people in the movie something taken out from a 'when plastic surgery goes bad' TV show?

Usually I don't pay much attention to the music score and soundtrack in movies, but this was just outstanding. And not in a good way, mind you. The music, well if you can actually call it that, was just an atrocity in itself. It was really, really bad, even for a horror movie.

Do yourself a favor and don't waste 80 minutes on watching this. Even bad horror movies from the mid-eighties were better than this one. It is without a doubt in the top ten worst horror movies that I have seen in my 38 years so far.

And they say that you can't help but look when you're pass by an accident site, this movie will prove them wrong. This accident of a movie will not catch your eye, I guarantee it.

The movie starts with an old dude with the worst dyed red hair in history, interviewing a high school student who looks like she's 30 at a tannning salon.

He goes in the back room to talk to (his wife?) a really bad plastic surgeried old chick who promptly takes a hammer for no reason and kills the girl. Cut to titles.

Hands down this is one of the worst movies I've seen in a while. The acting is attroctious. The storyline is downright dumb and none of it makes sense.

Full disclosure: I wound up fast forwarding through large chucks of the movie because it's unwatchable. The only decent parts are when the silicone babes remove their clothes to get on the tanning bed.

The plot of this lower budget independent film sounded like something which could have been good. It sounded relatively original and creative. For a campy horror type, it could have been something worthwhile. However the execution is the main problem.

The acting is terrible from most of the cast as it seems like they were reading their lines off of cards. Nothing was convincing, especially from the father of the lead daughter, the tanning store owner and of course Dawna Lee Heising (whose surgery looks a little overboard). With bad acting, takes away from the serious nature and creepy atmosphere it was intended on.

The film is supposed to be creepy and disturbing but it's not well paced, not well written and lacks suspense and thrills. It's supposed to be a disturbing campy horror based off of the content but the low budget cheap looking effects ruin it.

Of course given the subject matter there are several scenes of skin- including one highlight rather lengthy around 23:10 of an innocent blonde woman getting in the tanning booth followed by her inevitable demise from the owner. Even the kills were generic and very weak looking.

Another grip was the use of music through several scenes- even during some kill scenes. The music played at a higher volume and became increasingly annoying.

The film also ended very abruptly where it seemed like the scene was not finished at all, where we see the youngest daughter escape with the help of the older daughter and that was it. Screen went black showing the end credits.

This "Film" had a 7.0 rating from a handful of reviewers. One of the external reviewers called this film "intelligent". The only way intelligent can be associated with this trash, is for those who stayed away from it.

Please do yourself a big favor and skip this one! It is one of the worst films I have ever seen with only one redeeming quality and that's several attractive women who remove their clothes (far too quickly). Films like this give the horror genre a bad name and makes me want to swear off ALL horror films except for those who are reviewed by individuals I trust.

The other positive point is it is consistent; every aspect of this film is done poorly! Terrible plot, horrific acting, virtually no direction, annoying music, no suspense, no terror. This was 80 minutes that felt like 240 minutes. SKIP IT!! Burn whatever copies you can get your hands on.

Literally the only way this movie could be even remotely watchable is on Theater Mode (which is a movie-ridiculing show), and even then it's painful. I don't claim to know much about movie production but I'm reasonably sure that even I could've done a better job of this film than its director. The total lack of talent and expertise is obvious throughout the movie. The direction is so poor it looks like every scene was done in one take regardless of its quality. The writing isn't nearly as bad as the acting, and even so it's still not great. There are some movies that are bad enough to be funny, but this film surpasses the funny margin. It's so bad it's not even funny. Do not under any circumstances watch this movie unless it's on Theater Mode.