Romance sulfureuse: L'histoire vraie de Liz Taylor et Richard Burton

This movie dispels all the mystery and magic around this star-spun couple, here portrayed as rich drunks in a whirlwind of self-absorbed emotion. However, the diction of Grant Bowler is remarkably Burtonesque while Lindsay Lohan cannot rise above the California valley. Taylor spoke with distinction--slowly, somewhat deliberately, and with a stylishly youthful twist in her young to middle years. Lohan mumbles and sprints through her lines with her now nasal-bound voice. I mostly blame the director for missing this most important feature of the legendary Taylor. This movie is a hot mess that grows worse with every scene. It is surely destined for Saturday Night Live.

As has been noted, Bowler evokes Burton with his voice. He has studied him, has it down. Lohan does not sound like Taylor at all, does not bring anything that remotely captures the essence of the woman to this film pairing. She just careens through her lines as if a superficial physical resemblance was all that mattered. And her inability to evoke Elizabeth is a constant irritant. There is nothing in this performance that gives a clue as to why they were attracted to one another...or if they really were. I kept listening for a resemblance in the voice, in the bearing..it just was not there. I found myself thinking at one point that Michael Jackson could have done a better job, as he sure had studied the woman. Painful.

One of Hollywood's most publicized and scandalous relationships is that of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. When I saw previews for the 2012 film Liz and Dick, I was excited about it; despite my feelings against Lindsay Lohan for the part of Taylor, I was going to be open-minded and see the movie anyway. However, once I saw the Lifetime movie, Lindsay Lohan did nothing but solidify my initial feelings against her as Elizabeth Taylor. The makeup artists, film editors, and costume designers might have been able to create brief instances where Lindsay resembles Taylor physically, but the moment Lindsay starts to speak or even move, she completely tarnishes the character and any essence of Taylor she managed to harness. I've seen better acting in a high school theater production. Lohan was simply, and very clearly, the wrong casting choice to play the great Hollywood diva, Elizabeth Taylor. Taylor is one of Hollywood's most prominent and influential actresses of all time, and the honor of playing her in a movie is one that should have been given with much more scrutiny and contemplation. It seemed to me that Lohan lazily approached her responsibilities to the part. First off, her accent and diction as Elizabeth was way off, making it hard to pay attention to anything that was actually being said. It was as if Lohan made no effort at all to capture Elizabeth Taylor's persona, voice, and demeanor. Second, Lohan owes Grant Bowler an apology for putting the burden on him to carry them through every scene. Grant Bowler did an exceptional job at becoming Burton, unfortunately, his efforts were lost whenever Lohan had the next line.

As atrocious as Lindsay's performance as Taylor was, Lohan was not the only reason Liz and Dick failed to be a successful Hollywood biopic. The screen writing and storyline were extremely lacking in substance and failed to represent the better aspects of Taylor and Burton's love story. The film depicted Taylor and Burton as raging alcoholics; there didn't seem to be a scene absent of some sort of alcohol or narcotic. The entire storyline consists of love making, drinking, and fighting, all of which happens between only two characters. None of the other characters in the film are deeply developed or even included in the storyline at all. As a viewer, it's hard to engage in a film without any real substance or emotional ties to characters. Overall, this was not a good movie and I undoubtedly give it a 2 out of 10 star rating. Lohan failed to give the great Hollywood starlit the justice she deserves, and it's a good thing Taylor isn't around to see the abomination. The movie had great potential and it was something that I looked forward to seeing. A glimpse and dramatization of the great Liz and Dick love story could have been a romantic and successful movie. Capturing Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton's life and love on film is no easy feat, and it shouldn't have been handled the way it was; if they were going to do it, they should have done it right or at least without Lohan.

Here are a few of my favorite Tweets about the film: @campsucks This is the weirdest episode of Mad Men. #LizandDick @NicDressel An actress who will never win an Oscar playing an Oscar winning actress in a movie that will never win any award. #inception #lizanddick @fuggirls The chemistry between LiLo and Grant Bowler is the equivalent to trying to light a cigarette with an ice cube. – H #LizAndDicK @BenWiddicombe .@lifetimetv Can we have Hilary Duff as Grace Kelly please? Maybe Snooki as Audrey Hepburn? Jazz Ponce #LizandDick I believe we've been way too hard on stars of previous Lifetime movies. For one We really owe Tori Spelling an apology… @JasonAlexander If the dead could sue, the producers of "Liz and Dick" would be in court this morning.

@pattonoswalt Dear @lindsaylohan: I give you permission to Tweet me to smithereens when I do Lifetime's CHAZ BONO: THE CRUELEST CUT in March. #lizanddick Check out My Blog: http://mknavarre.blogspot.com/

As we begin, the aged Shakespearean actor Grant Bowler (as Richard "Dick" Burton) appears to be near his death bed, writing a letter to Hollywood temptress Lindsay Lohan (as Elizabeth "Liz" Taylor). We flashback to their 1961 meeting, while beginning the epic "Cleopatra" (1963). He is smitten. She plays hard-to-get, but succumbs quickly. Both are married, which causes great scandal. "Liz & Dick" get married and divorced, twice. They drink a considerable amount of liquor and burn countless cigarettes, which are the common denominators as the jaded couple travel around the world...

This was promoted as a blockbuster film event, but turns out to be a substandard TV-movie. The reason for the hype was Ms. Lohan's (then) status as a celebrity. Her public escapades would seem to suggest she might bring some depth to the role, but it does not happen. Her "Elizabeth" is not as entertaining as the original, by a long shot...

The make-up successfully suggests Ms. Taylor, though it also changes Lohan into both Natalie Wood and Suzanne Pleshette, as the years roll along. The script most obviously lacks Ms. Taylor's sense of humor - and her fondness for frequent obscenities. Her co-star is likewise restrained. One of the better sequences, directed by Lloyd Kramer, occurs when the couple play "rock the trailer" while spouses Eddie Fisher and Sybil Burton arrive on the set. Confusingly pieced together, "Liz & Dick" ends quickly and without any sense of the famous couple's friendship. There simply isn't much story here.

*** Liz & Dick (11/25/12) Lloyd Kramer ~ Lindsay Lohan, Grant Bowler, David Hunt, Theresa Russell

but I really can't When I saw the trailers, I thought it had promise. I saw scenes where it actually looked like Liz and Dick, but those were about the only resemblances I saw. The script was pretty thin and the acting was pretty pitiful. The script did cover their turbulent lives, but did not provide us with any information that we did not already know. Of course, if you are a bit younger than I am, you may have missed their trials and tribulation. If fact, you may not even know who they were and probably do not care. This movie will in no way inspire you to look further into their lives.

For me, the high point of the whole thing was when Burton died because I knew that the movie was about to be over. Skip this one.