- Lisa: They say time heals all wounds. But that's a lie, time is the wound. Takes you further and further away from that place when you were happy. Makes those good smells go away.
- Lisa: You like cool movies and music and stuff, but only for you! You want to be the smart one who likes cool stuff, and you don't want your girlfriend to like cool stuff. Do you know how uncool that is?
- Lisa: I have The Cure!
- The Creature: hhmm?
- [offers arm stump]
- Lisa: Oh, no... it's not that kind of cure. It's like, it's a band. They can't make you better. I mean, they can. But like, Emotionally.
- The Creature: [stares]
- Taffy: Well, I heard the Heschers do witchcraft over there. And I also heard that Gina Marzack dedicated her unborn child to Satan. And that's why the baby has to wear a helmet now!
- Lisa: People are so afraid of death, because they don't know when it's going to happen to them. It could be an axe murderer, could be the flu, but they don't know. And they hate that, so I'm not afraid of death anymore. But I don't want to die a virgin.
- Lisa: When I said I wished I was with you, I didn't mean that. I meant I wished I was in the ground, dead, because life sucks and people are jerk-offs.
- Taffy: Lisa, you have no idea how scary this is. You don't have to worry about anything because your mom's already been murdered.
- Lisa: Taffy says it's a waste of time to try and fix a boy. It's better to just accept a guy's flaws.
- Lisa: I'm not making any more comments. You can talk to my lawyer.
- Officer Waters: Really hope this goth phase ends soon.
- Lisa: How do you know my name?
- Michael Trent: Well, we're both currently being educated in the same walls of asbestos.
- Lisa: Are guys really so simple that you just have to put on a pirate skeezer dress, and suddenly they want to talk to you?
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