Zombie Massacre

If their was a 0 for this movie i still don't think that it would serve justice to how God Awful this movie is. For a 1,000,000 budget it was money that should have been spent on helping the poor. The special effects were horrendous, the make up/character costumes etc was just horrible and the acting.................The acting has to be thee top 5 worst i have ever watched. The characters in this movie over acted, had no expressions with their assigned characters, and the character lines/dialogue were just plain stupid and had me shaking my head during the whole movie. The stupid little girl that was the daughter of one of the main characters in this movie just had absolutely no acting skills at all. This movie should not have ever been made, produced or even thought of.

As far as zombie stuff goes, I generally eat it all up, raw, pardon the pun here. But more than often the stuff that is released in the zombie genre is something that shouldn't necessarily have had seen the light of day.

As is the case with "Apocalypse Z" (aka "Zombie Massacre"). I can only guess that they opted with the "Apocalypse Z" title because of this summers major release "World War Z", especially if the movie is originally titled "Zombie Massacre".

And as much as people whine and complain about Uwe Boll's movies, then I don't have a problem with his movies, direction or production. However, everyone is allowed a swing and a miss every now and then, and this movie sure was a miss.

The storyline is so simple and non-interesting that it is painful to behold as the cast try to stumble through a script that is founded on absolutely nothing solid or serious. A small town has been infected with some kind of toxin that turned the residents into flesh-eating zombies. And a group of hired mercenaries is sent in to clean up. And that is basically it.

What the movie does have working for it in its favor is the make-up and special effects. The zombies do have some really nice-looking gashes and wounds. That was the best part of the entire movie, sadly so.

There were some really bad mistakes throughout the movie as well. Especially as the mercenaries kept on pointing out that they were low on ammunition, but had no problem squandering it on groups of approaching zombies. And I must admit, that it is the first time in my 38 years to have seen a zombie get hit by an empty metal cannister and fall down (dead?) and stop moving. That was just downright idiotic.

As far as zombie movies go, then "Apocalypse Z" has nothing interesting to offer, unless you enjoy pointless stories, bad dialogue and an overall lack of purpose behind the motivation of the movie.

It was bad very bad - the acting was utterly ridiculous it was almost like a comedy and the lines "so many wars , so many women" they truly have to be heard to be believed almost every scene there was a monstrously bad piece of dialogue "You know what a big pile of Shiite with flies around it looks like , I'm going to create a big pile of Shiite" - That was one of the more witty lines of dialogue! I am not joking you really really really have to see this for the dialogue - virtually every line was cringe-worthy.

The main actor was about as dull as Mr Dull McDull from the town of Drab On The Island Of Very Very Tedious. Great name "Jack Stone" - I wonder how many movies have used this combo of hard nut naming convention? I can only presume he was hired not due to his miniscule acting talent but massive manly frame to go with the equally manly hard-nut name!

As for the female sword wielding ninja mute - oh words evade me just watch it and you will see what i mean!

To be fair the Scottish guy was actually quite funny with lines like "gonna slow it down chief I'm getting old" said in that pithy Glaswegian drawl - I am still not sure whether this was by design or pure fluke or perhaps because I empathise with a fellow Glaswegian forced to take part in this carousel of calamity?

Zombie make-up was actually quite good but the whole thing was a disaster and more of a comedy than a serious Zombie flick - view it as a comedy and you might make it through the 1 and a half odd hours of torture!!!

I am giving it three stars just because of the funny Scots mercenary!!! He deserves a badge for making it through this movie as do I!!! Was it meant to be funny and ironic - who knows but it has seriously messed with my head!!!

3 mercenaries and an ex-soldier serving time in prison are recruited (with the promise of money and freedom) to plant a nuke in some place that no one's ever heard of where there has been a zombie outbreak due to government sanctioned experiments gone wrong (probably not news to you, reader). This is the American government and an American operation even though most of the people in this movie, including army and government personnel, are clearly not American. The best example is the fact that the American president was played by a guy with a kind of German accent which made me chuckle for a lot of reasons.

The zombies are fierce and ugly enough, I guess. I've got no complaints there. The fact that the producers could have simply made this movie about some other government operation other than American to accommodate the accents and give it some credibility doesn't even bother me that much. Nor even the cliché and uninventive script and scenario of a bunch of different personalities recruited to do a job. What I most cared about was the action. Good action can save a movie. I've seen it happen. Unfortunately that did not happen here.

The 4 people: ex-soldier (and bodybuilder), expert fighting woman (with 2 swords, no less), explosives expert (gregarious Scotsman) and sniper (French guy with a nose that looks like it's been hit too many times) are not very interesting. None of them were particularly good at what they are supposed to be expert at. The ex-soldier and bodybuilder didn't do too much with the zombies physically. He did manage to shoot a few so I'll give him credit for that....I guess. The expert fighting woman was more interesting when she said nothing. Later she became talkative and ruined the whole mystique by sounding stupid. Moreover, she had no fighting expertise that I could see. I'm fairly certain I (and you reader) could disarm her with a nail file. The explosive genius, who was built up like some kind of Mcguyver, only had plastic explosives with a timer on it which, when it went off, looked little more impressive than what you see when you take a picture with a flash bulb.

All the "explosions" in this movie were like that in fact. Finally, the sniper who supposedly was so good he could shoot a fly on earth from somewhere in space (okay, I'm exaggerating a little) was using a rifle that he had to crank with a big handle after every shot. A process that took about 10 seconds or more. Shoot...crank...aim...shoot, and so on. I'm surprised he didn't upend the thing and start pouring gunpowder down the barrel and then ramming it with a ramrod. Needless to say, reader, about 2 dozen zombies went through his defense every time he cranked. Notwithstanding, I have seen worse (Based on what I've read here some of you may find that hard to believe). I feel 3 stars is just about right. Love, Boloxxxi.

General production quality?

Originality: 2 out of 10, mostly for the awesome American accents.

Acting: 3 out of 10, what's with the awesome American accents?

Setting: 0 out of 10. Wait, we're not even in America? But the accents!?

Filming: 5 out of 10. Overall production value was relatively high. They actually wasted money on this!

Special effects: 4 out of 10. Mostly CGI. The crap directors think they can get away with..

Makeup: 7 out of 10. Best part of the film by far.

Action: 3 out of 10. Pretty slow action.

Entertainment value: 4 out of 10. Overall not the most terrible thing I ever watched.

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Characters?

4 out of 10 for the two old mercenaries. Good or bad, they got into their parts.

2 out of 10 for the main hero. Dull as sandstone.

1 out of 10 for the bad guy. Just.. completely out of place.

0 out of 10 for the sword-bearing-anime-spin-off-wet-dream. This just screams fetish. It was almost insulting (Commander, sniper, bombs expert and.. ninja?).

1 out of 10 for the professor's "doe-tah" (in non-American accents, it's pronounced as "daughter").

5 out of 10 for the hick. Ya gotta have at least one hick! (best American accent)

1 out of 10 for the hick's mute girlfriend. Lame.. and mute. (no accent)

8 out of 10 for the dog. Best actor by far.

-------------------- Overall score.. 3.2