Stockholm Bloodbath

... for if this is what hell feels like, and by this, I mean watching this movie, then I'll promise I won't ever sin again.

Watching this from start to finish is pure agony. The movie does not know what it wants to be. Is it a comedy? Is it a drama? Is it gore? Is it historical? Is it fiction? We don't know, be because the movie wants to be all of these things and none of it simultaneously, in a regurgitating blending that makes no sense making it difficult to take it seriously.

The acting doesn't help, which it is very unconvincing and at times upsetting by how bad it is.

What is nice though, with the exception of a few scenes, are the effects and overall cinematography. It is clear they they spend much more time and money on that, than in acting or scripting.

Not reccomeneed, at all!

Please, dear directors and what not, do proper screen testings and quality assurance before producing or releasing your movies and spare us poor viewers the agony of sitting through your self indulging productions!

I deeply regret spending my money on this stupid (CENSORED!) !!

What a disapointment!!!

Technically using this rating system I can't give this movie less than one star - no stars at all is more likely my honest opinion!!!

So be it - hence the single star goes to the actors, who to my opinion generally all performed well.

First and foremost Claes Bang and Mikkel Boe Følsgaard, who always perform absolutely fantastic!

NOT all the blood an violence - I've seen worse than that! - but the absolutely failed and foolish look-a-like mix of Game of Thrones, Tolkien and Tarantino into a weird childish Marvel universe made me have a disgusting taste of my breakfast a second time for today!

The costume designers and choreographers of the dancing scenes...oh no!! They should be the ones to experience .....a bloodbath!!

Were they joking about this historical moment? Queen Kristina taking a girls SPA , while danish king attacks Stockholm? Native american as kings knight? Jokes like some of this did REALLY happened, yes we know. Comic book presentation of characters. Just did not feel serious, Come on, could be so much better with just the real story and native language swedish and danish and no stupid jokes and sarcasm. Walked out of the cinema at the end. How did the movie end? All the bad guys on the list dead? Girls with archers saved Sweden ? The Pope punished king Kristian? Danish army went home and never came back?

If you go in to the movies expecting a historically correct depiction of the events, you will obviously be disappointed. If you are looking for a fun time watching a more "splattery" and fun take of the events you will be fine.

The movie does not take itself serious, so neither should you. Some of the criticism is on point in that it stops being the "Tarantino" type of movie that it starts out as. It slows down a bit and drags on during the second half and some scenes could just have been cut to keep the pace of the movie going. That would my biggest gripe about this film, that is slows down. But, I'm fine with it.

It's a fun watch and worth a ticket.

This could actually have been great if the aim was a coherent story about one of the most interesting and dramatic events in Nordic history,

Clearly made for a global Generation Z Netflix generation it aims big. It's loud, there's alot of swearing and frequent use of the F-word and the costumes, scale and the vibe is pretty much spot on.

But at the same time it doesn't trust its audience, meaning that danish and swedish actors all speak english, most with an accent. But why? To maximize the potential for it to be a hit when it hits streaming? This is a weird choice for a period piece, Actually it's as cringe as if Hitler spoke english in the epic germanmade movie called 'Der Untergang' ('The Downfall').

But I could forgive all that if I was engaged in the plot. But I wasn't. Imagine that... there's so much they could have done with this. So many directions and opportunites. They just had to stick to one clear narrative. Because one moment it's trying to be Game of Thrones, the next a Shakespearean drama and the next something entirely else.

It was like being served a main course with a steak, a cake and a piece of pineapple on the plate. Each indiviually great tasting it itself, but mixed together....