Quotes

Shrek, fais-moi peur!

Shrek: [Castle Duloc has become run-down; to Donkey] Look! It's that little thingy you love so much, remember?
Creepy Clockwork Chorus: [Shrek pulls the lever on the Information Booth, and the same mechanized marionettes pop out singing, this time looking very deranged] Welcome to Duloc/It's a creepy town/It was once pristine/Now it's all run down. We will chop off your head/And then laugh when you're dead/Duloc is a creepy place.
Creepy Clockwork Chorus: Come on in with your head,/Come lie down, break your... face/Duloc is... Duloc is... Duloc is a cre-py... place!
Shrek: [booth takes their picture, captioning it "Get Out"] Ooh! Let's do that again!
Donkey: NO!

Puss in Boots: Back when the lights came back on, it was the donkey taking a shower!
Donkey: Oh, my goodness! Why would I do that?
Puss in Boots: Ha ha! And right behind you, there was danger!
Donkey: Oh, man.
Puss in Boots: You were paralyzed!
Donkey: [screams]
Puss in Boots: It was a donkey-eating waffle. It was packing heat, and it wanted revenge.
Waffle: I want revenge!
Puss in Boots: The donkey ran. But how far can you run when you're on a plate covered in butter wearing a pink tutu?
Donkey: No!
Puss in Boots: And a sombrero. And a coconut brassiere. And about to be eaten alive!
Donkey: No, please! Please, I'll switch to pancakes! Aah!
Waffle: [swallows Donkey] Num, num, num!
Puss in Boots: And the donkey was never seen again.

Pinocchio: [hanging by his string, Shrek closes curtain on him] Hey! I worked hard on this costume!

Shrek: Well, it looks like it's just you and me.
Donkey: Go ahead, Shrek. There ain't nothing that can scare me.
Shrek: Well, then I guess there's nothing left to do but wait for the ghost.
Donkey: What ghost?
Shrek: Lord Farquaad's ghost. And as I recall, you had a hand in his untimely demise.
Donkey: Aw, come on. Everyone knows ghosts are just an urban legend.
Shrek: Is it?
[suddenly the chandeliers start swinging]
Donkey: Oh, that's just the wind.
Creepy voice: Donkey!
Donkey: And apparently it knows my name.

Donkey: Admit it, Shrek. Weren't you even a little bit scared?
Princess Fiona: Donkey, ogres don't get scared. We do the scaring.
Shrek: And that's why we're the kings of Halloween.
Donkey: I beat we can find something that will scare the pants off you!
Wolf: Which would scare me.
Shrek: Oh, really? And what do you have in mind?
Donkey: All of us telling scary stories all night long. There ain't no way you won't be scared.
Puss in Boots: Yes! Stories to make your blood run cold!
Donkey: Yeah!
Puss in Boots: Stories to terrify you.
Donkey: Yeah!
Puss in Boots: And whoever shall last through the night shall be called the king of Halloween.
Shrek: I accept.
Donkey: We doubly accept.

Shrek: Buckle up, everybody. The quicker I scare the wits out of you, the sooner I can be home, cozy in my bed. Unless anyone else thinks they've got what it takes.
Pinocchio: Oh! Oh! Pick me, pick me! I have a scary story!
Wolf: This isn't the one about you getting trapped in the petting zoo again, is it? 'Cause that's not scary.
Pinocchio: Actually, if you look at it with *my* perspective...
Gingerbread Man: Hey, guess what, Pinocchio, no one cares! Get ready to send these jokers home, Shrek, 'cause I've got a doozy, and it's all true! Ahem. It was a dark and stormy night...

Gingerbread Man: Wait! More sugar.
Muffin Man: But that is not the recipe.
Gingerbread Man: Trust me, Muffin Man, this girl's gotta be real sweet. I want someone who will love me forever.
Muffin Man: I must warn you, Gingy. No one has ever made cookies with this much sugar. You are tampering with forces far beyond your comprehension!
Gingerbread Man: Just put her in the oven.

Pinocchio: Eww! I'm too young to have termites!
The Cricket: I'm no termite, Pinocchio. I'm a cricket.
Pinocchio: You were the voice in my head this whole time?
The Cricket: That's right. I'm was the one putting all those those thoughts in your noggin. I'm your conscience, and as long as I as you let me, I'll always be in...
[Pinocchio squashes him]
Shrek: The end.
Pinocchio: That wasn't me! I never had any bugs in my head. Ha ha. Ask anyone!
Shrek: Okay, then. Why don't we ask start by asking your conscience!
[shows Pinocchio a cricket in his hand]