Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan

You have got to be kidding me. This has to be the worst movie ever made. Clearly they had a decent sized budget based on scenery, wardrobe, makeup and production value. However, the budget far exceeded the writing, special effects, and direction.

As some one else mentioned the story is based in a great American folk tale that has proved the test of time by being retold over several generations. With a great start to the story it is hard to see how the makers of this movie could have gone this terribly wrong- but they did.

Recommend only watching this with a cheap bottle of fortified wine to drown your miseries.

Young adults at a first-time offenders' boot camp discover the legend of the giant lumberjack Paul Bunyan is real, but is much more horrifying than they could have imagined.

Yes, this film has awful digital effects, with terrible blood splatter and some sort of green screen (or the modern equivalent). And it is pretty bad. But as another reviewer pointed out, it is marginally better than what the Asylum pumps out. This actually had an attempt at a plot.

I am not entirely sure how Robert Kurtzman became involved with the project. Seems to be lower quality than what he would normally put his name on. But it appears he was primarily a producer, so it may not mean much.

We begin on a cold and wintry day in 1894 Minnesota. Lumberjacks are getting ready to feast on a big mammal - unfortunately, the beast turns out to be Paul Bunyan's legendary blue ox. The wrathful Mr. Bunyan arrives and chops up everyone in sight. Discovering the massacre, graying "Grizzly Adams" star Dan Haggerty (as Bill) is appalled. We will get to see the bloody opening scene in even in more detail, during a later flashback. In the present, the area is apparently a corrections facility for first offenders, and we see a group arrive for correction. They are not "technically" a group of five teenagers, as is pointed out by kindly psychologist Kristina Kopf (as Ms. K)...

The "boot camp" is run in a drill sergeant manner by Thomas "Tom" Downey. On a hike, handsome hunk Jesse Kove (as Zachery "Zack" Moore) finds Paul Bunyan's ox' horn and makes it a keepsake. This desecration rouses monster Bunyan, who has grown into a much bigger ugly monster. He decides to chop everyone up, like he did in the past. One good thing about the story was the inability to predict the numerical death order for the males. The females are easier. Amber Collins (as Claire "CB" Tanner) makes the most of her role. Some of the early scenes are okay, especially nice is the deer and bear. By the end, Bunyan is laughable. The filmmakers should have showed less.

Axe Giant (6/1/13) Gary Jones ~ Amber Connor, Joe Estevez, Jesse Kove, Thomas Downey

Let's get this out of the way first thing: Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan is a bad movie. Badly acted, badly directed, bad CGI effects (but, of course, you knew that as soon as you saw this listed on the SyFy Channel). And yet, it's entertaining in ways that its creators probably never intended. A group of teenage hoodlum wannabes are punished for their crimes...by being sent to camp. Their punishment comes in the form of drill-sergeant survivalist cop who clearly should not allowed within 100 feet of minors and a psychiatrist who wants them to get in touch with their feelings. For a teenager, I can't imagine which of them would be worse company for a weekend. As befits a horror movie that needs a body count, you will hate nearly all of these people and want them to die within 15 minutes. Don't worry, you'll get your wish. Pretty soon, the campers are getting pruned by a 15-foot-tall freak who appears to be developmentally disabled, until you realize that, somehow, he was smart enough to make or buy an double-headed ax with a 10-foot handle (C'mon, those things can't be easy to come by!) that's just big enough for a guy his size to use without looking like he's playing with a toy. He's given a back story familiar to anyone who's a fan of "maniac-in-the-back-woods" horror films. The movie plays out exactly as you expect it to. It "stars" (and I'm using the word in its loosest possible interpretation) Dan Haggerty and Joe Estevez. It's a hallmark of how low this movie sinks that its best-known performers are a TV actor whose last significant role was in 1978 and Martin Sheen's cheaper, less talented brother. Haggerty's role is little more than a cameo (and the scariest thing about this movie is, that apart from his hair and magnificently-sculpted beard going from blond to gray, he doesn't appear to have aged a day in the last 40 years). And Estevez spends the entire movie acting as if Gary Busey and Nicholas Cage are inside him, battling for possession of his immortal soul. There's nothing even remotely original about this movie: from turning a folkloric character into a generic psycho killer to the contrived excuses for why nobody's cell phone and car seem to work when they really need them, to the cookie-cutter characters whose odds of survival are inversely proportional to how annoying they are. Even Estevez's third-act freak-out seems oddly derivative. But if you approach this movie with appropriately low expectations, the cheese factor is good for a few laughs.

The scenery is really quite beautiful, the make-up for giant Bunyan is very well done and fearsome and Thomas Downey also was appropriately gruff and humorous. Unfortunately that is all that Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan has in its favour. Apart from the scenery, the look of the film is shoddy, with rushed-through special effects and editing and too many scenes that are shot too brightly. The giant Bunyan looks fearsome enough, but we don't know anything about him and he doesn't have that much of a personality, never coming across as genuinely menacing. And that does dilute things a lot. The dialogue has cheese and awkwardness written all over it, with the banter truly inane. The characters range from obnoxious(Joe Estevez) to bland(pretty much everybody else. The acting is bad really with the best it gets generally being forgettable, only Downey makes any kind of impression. Joe Estevez especially is so bad it's almost comical. What hurts Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan is the story, generally too padded and pedestrian with nothing exciting, suspenseful or even engaging with a lack of any heart. It also takes far too long to get going, we get forty minutes of tiresome and increasingly irrelevant banter before Bunyan arrives on the scene, and sadly even with his presence the movie never quite takes off. Overall, SyFy have done much worse and it is certainly nowhere near as bad as most of the stuff The Asylum has churned out, but still not a good movie at all. 3/10 Bethany Cox