12 reviews
- diasaa-655-335435
- May 10, 2010
- Permalink
One star is very generous for this train wreck. If only I could have accessed the -10 that it deserved. It began with an ill conceived idea, Directed by a new comer to films, acted by seemingly first day acting students, and probably shot on an IPhone (no wait... I seen some very good stuff shot on IPhones). Wow - thank god for fast forward as thats how I watched most of this inane juvenile attempt in a genre that is very forgiving in most categories.
Characters - DOA, vacant and devoid of personality, intellect, charm, and in most cases and believability.
Plot - What Plot??? An idea for a story is not a plot.
Dialogue - On the nose, pathetic, devoid of subtext or any sincerity.
Production - Watch a student film... they are at least trying.
Save your time - watch a local ad by a Mom & Pop outfit,- the pain will be quick.
Characters - DOA, vacant and devoid of personality, intellect, charm, and in most cases and believability.
Plot - What Plot??? An idea for a story is not a plot.
Dialogue - On the nose, pathetic, devoid of subtext or any sincerity.
Production - Watch a student film... they are at least trying.
Save your time - watch a local ad by a Mom & Pop outfit,- the pain will be quick.
Someone wrote, "Bravo!!! Bravo!!! Bravo!!!" Perhaps the person who wrote that was watching a tadpole race.
At not much more than two minutes in there's the worst acting I've seen in years. Some guy playing a character named "Sergeant Carlyle" was desperately trying to put on some kind of weird accent, only he was making a complete dog's breakfast of it. Perhaps he was trying to sound like a Kiwi (New Zealander). Anyway, whatever accent it was, that scene sets the top bar for the rest of the actors in this boring tripe. Sadly, none of the large cast get close to doing any better.
If you want to completely waste one hour and forty minutes of your life then this movie is for you. But mark my words; at three minutes in you'll be hoping that Corporal Janis McKenzie clambers aboard a military aircraft and jumps out from a great height... with a concrete parachute.
At not much more than two minutes in there's the worst acting I've seen in years. Some guy playing a character named "Sergeant Carlyle" was desperately trying to put on some kind of weird accent, only he was making a complete dog's breakfast of it. Perhaps he was trying to sound like a Kiwi (New Zealander). Anyway, whatever accent it was, that scene sets the top bar for the rest of the actors in this boring tripe. Sadly, none of the large cast get close to doing any better.
If you want to completely waste one hour and forty minutes of your life then this movie is for you. But mark my words; at three minutes in you'll be hoping that Corporal Janis McKenzie clambers aboard a military aircraft and jumps out from a great height... with a concrete parachute.
- Netjer-y-khet
- Jan 1, 2012
- Permalink
There are movies where you find yourself trying to preserve your dignity or sanity by fast forwarding to escape the absurd plot, bad acting or ridiculous dialogue and then there are movies that are so so bad that skipping every ten minutes and then checking the storyline for a minute on the prayerful hope it was just a mistake and it's better than you thought. Well, it took less than five minutes into the movie to begin skipping and there was no relief.
The story is about some well-endowed female model type military intelligence officer who happens to be in Kuwait in the 90s and suddenly does a double pistol Western shoot out with a bunch of well armed bad people one of whom survives and decides to come after her many years later when she's a civilian photographer in Florida. Stupid improbable storyline really shallow acting from actors with mostly little/no experience except a few TV series/movies. A lot of limited dialogue with read the teleprompter pauses where you wait for the next edited canned response. Cheap production with a really badly fabricated Arab hut with abandoned car in front - very stereotyped. Cheap echoing audio with production budget not allowing for subtitles.
The story is about some well-endowed female model type military intelligence officer who happens to be in Kuwait in the 90s and suddenly does a double pistol Western shoot out with a bunch of well armed bad people one of whom survives and decides to come after her many years later when she's a civilian photographer in Florida. Stupid improbable storyline really shallow acting from actors with mostly little/no experience except a few TV series/movies. A lot of limited dialogue with read the teleprompter pauses where you wait for the next edited canned response. Cheap production with a really badly fabricated Arab hut with abandoned car in front - very stereotyped. Cheap echoing audio with production budget not allowing for subtitles.
- westsideschl
- Jan 11, 2012
- Permalink
I am stuck in Kuwait and was running out of movies to watch on Netflix. I would have been better served watching the sand shift. The only thing entertaining about this train-wreck was that the video, acting, and plot are so bad, it gets comical, at times.
The trailer seemed promising and the cover of the movie seemed as though it would be low-budget, perhaps, but not necessarily terrible. But, right from the start, it is terrible and never gets better. I would recommend watching cheese mold before watching this movie.
Well, I guess I should be thankful, at least I am I am 1 hour and 40-some minutes closer to being back home, so that is something.
The trailer seemed promising and the cover of the movie seemed as though it would be low-budget, perhaps, but not necessarily terrible. But, right from the start, it is terrible and never gets better. I would recommend watching cheese mold before watching this movie.
Well, I guess I should be thankful, at least I am I am 1 hour and 40-some minutes closer to being back home, so that is something.
- bigdaddy-holstein
- Mar 27, 2012
- Permalink
Without doubt one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Poorly written, hopelessly acted and the storyline was terrible. I found myself from the opening scene cringing and only watched it to see how bad it would be, I was not disappointed. This movie just got worse and worse and as much as I hated it I sat through it horrified that I was even watching this drivel. Everyone involved in this movie should be extremely embarrassed and consider finding a new career. Absolute garbage. Recommend aspiring film makers watch this and learn how not to do it.A complete waste of my time and money. Do yourself a favor and give this one a miss.One star is generous.
- clownlager
- Feb 29, 2012
- Permalink
Im sad... Im sad because the lowest rating I could give is 1. I wish there was a way to give zero stars. Movies like this teach me that just about anyone can be in a movie if they wanted to.
cringed the entire time, I'm not sure which is more fun, watching this movie or watching paint dry.
I could write a novel as to why its so bad, no attention to detail, Low budget, complete absence of any acting, embarrassing plot, but I wont bother. Doing so would give this movie too much credit/attention.
If you haven't seen the movie yet the time you've already taken to look at this review is too much for the quality of this movie.
If you want to watch a movie and laugh at how bad it is, watch Submerged, at lease you've got washed out ex-B grade actor Steven Seagal entertaining you, and that movie is "laughable bad" this one isn't. Disgrace to the film industry, and insulting to anyone who spent any amount of money to watch.
cringed the entire time, I'm not sure which is more fun, watching this movie or watching paint dry.
I could write a novel as to why its so bad, no attention to detail, Low budget, complete absence of any acting, embarrassing plot, but I wont bother. Doing so would give this movie too much credit/attention.
If you haven't seen the movie yet the time you've already taken to look at this review is too much for the quality of this movie.
If you want to watch a movie and laugh at how bad it is, watch Submerged, at lease you've got washed out ex-B grade actor Steven Seagal entertaining you, and that movie is "laughable bad" this one isn't. Disgrace to the film industry, and insulting to anyone who spent any amount of money to watch.
- Patrick-mcgill-907-943819
- Jan 25, 2014
- Permalink
A wonderful urban romp that will leave the entire family Inspired. Armed and Deadly offers a grave insight into the human condition. It plays upon the audiences emotions and as we draw closer to the denouement, loose ends and sowed seeds coalesce in a masterclass of modern cinematic wonder. The edgy conclusion offers an arrested epiphany, a question about the morality of murder in self defence and the torment of trauma induced psychosis is never answered but rather the writers challenge one to think and to reach the prestige on ones own. Andrzeij Mrotek, like Camron and Spielberg before him has asserted himself as one of the greats by holding a tainted mirror before the audience and asks " Do you like what you see?"
Absolutely breathtaking, a modern masterpiece! Genius, Genius, Genius!
Absolutely breathtaking, a modern masterpiece! Genius, Genius, Genius!
- Josh-277-418032
- Jan 27, 2012
- Permalink
- nogodnomasters
- Jan 2, 2019
- Permalink
First off, I usually don't like low budget movies, but I was intrigued by the cover art. The first 15 minutes or so (not to give anything away) has to do with Janis' tour of duty in the army. I was actually ready to stop the movie because of the low budget scenery, but the acting really held me. From there we move to Florida in the present day where Janis is now a professional photographer, and we are introduced to her brother, who, though still in prison, is trying to kill her (well, scare her for now). I really wish I could get in to her relationship with Carol, but there are so many plot twists and turns that no matter what I say, I'll give something away. All I can say is: SEE THIS MOVIE!!! You will not believe how this ends, or how they got there! Definitely a MUST SEE!!!
No, this movie, despite its brief celebration of our military, had nothing to do with The Fourth, but it was appropriate to watch on that day. It just happened to be one I had recorded months ago.
This is a pretty good movie, but nothing that special. What makes it work for me is that there are just enough pleasant scenes mixed in with all the seriousness, and plenty of comedy, even in Kuwait. And occasional action and excitement. Especially toward the end.
You have to like Lisa Varga as Janis if for no other reason than her looks, but of course the character is tough and intelligent yet likable and mostly well-adjusted despite what she has been through. Looking like Heather Locklear and wearing a tank top, shorts and flip-flops, she is taking photos for the Oak Club's brochures. She will dress more professionally (though still casually) later, but we will get to see more of her in sexy outfits. Janis has several other jobs which give us more reasons to enjoy the movie. One zoo has flamingos (at least I think they are) and lots of pretty trees.
The real standout performer is Ken Stellingwerf as Jamey. When he explains why he is in prison, you could call him demented or darkly comic. And he has more scenes like that. And he must deal with the Three Stooges, who point out that there are only two of them, so how could they be three? I won't say the stooges are necessarily good actors but they are entertaining.
Toni Ann Rossi as Carol and Alan Roberts as Boomer also impress. Boomer is quite a character.
And David Mackey as Captain Rogers. We will see more of him.
This is not a family film, though I found it curious that it had a TV-PG rating with the brutal violence in a few scenes. But the fact is there isn't that much actual violence.
I think it's worth seeing.
This is a pretty good movie, but nothing that special. What makes it work for me is that there are just enough pleasant scenes mixed in with all the seriousness, and plenty of comedy, even in Kuwait. And occasional action and excitement. Especially toward the end.
You have to like Lisa Varga as Janis if for no other reason than her looks, but of course the character is tough and intelligent yet likable and mostly well-adjusted despite what she has been through. Looking like Heather Locklear and wearing a tank top, shorts and flip-flops, she is taking photos for the Oak Club's brochures. She will dress more professionally (though still casually) later, but we will get to see more of her in sexy outfits. Janis has several other jobs which give us more reasons to enjoy the movie. One zoo has flamingos (at least I think they are) and lots of pretty trees.
The real standout performer is Ken Stellingwerf as Jamey. When he explains why he is in prison, you could call him demented or darkly comic. And he has more scenes like that. And he must deal with the Three Stooges, who point out that there are only two of them, so how could they be three? I won't say the stooges are necessarily good actors but they are entertaining.
Toni Ann Rossi as Carol and Alan Roberts as Boomer also impress. Boomer is quite a character.
And David Mackey as Captain Rogers. We will see more of him.
This is not a family film, though I found it curious that it had a TV-PG rating with the brutal violence in a few scenes. But the fact is there isn't that much actual violence.
I think it's worth seeing.
- vchimpanzee
- Jul 5, 2015
- Permalink