- Nick Halsey: You need to put up some curtains.
- Samantha: Why? So I don't have some drunk staring at me all day?
- Nick Halsey: No so you don't have to look at your future.
- Cop: How much have you had to drink?
- Nick Halsey: Not nearly enough.
- Cop: You know its illegal to have an open container in public?
- Nick Halsey: Your telling me theres a fucking law that I can't drink a beer on my front lawn?
- Frank Garcia: Do you know the success rate for marriage when one person gets sobers, and the other one doesn't?
- Nick Halsey: Is it higher than the suicide rate for cops?
- Kenny Loftus: Your momma is so fat, you have to roll her in flour, then dive for the wet spot.
- Nick Halsey: Do you know what that means?
- Kenny Loftus: No.
- Nick Halsey: Yeah, maybe don't tell that one.
- Kenny Loftus: [pointing at a picture in one of Nick's yearbooks] Is that you?
- Nick Halsey: Yeah.
- Kenny Loftus: You look happy.
- Nick Halsey: I was, I guess.
- Kenny Loftus: What happened?
- Nick Halsey: What do you mean "what happened"? Life happened, work happened, marriage happened.
- Nick Halsey: You know they say that the dining room is the least utilized room in the house? I think it's the front lawn. It's staring to look good, don't you think?
- Nick Halsey: I don't think it's right to make a decision like that without having authentic Mexican food. Have you had an authentic Mexican meal in Arizona?
- [last lines]
- Nick Halsey: *Rule number 17. Never go into business with a friend.
- Kenny Loftus: Thanks.
- Nick Halsey: So I guess I'll see you around.
- Kenny Loftus: Yeah. Maybe we can catch a game some time.
- Nick Halsey: Been a pleasure working with you.
- Kenny Loftus: You too.
- [first lines]
- Voice on tape: Rule number 1, know your products. Okay, whether it's a PC or a piece of paper, know how it works. Number 2. Know your customers. Learn everything you can about them. Listen to what they want, and what they don't want. Rule number 3. Go the extra yard, okay? If you don't have the answer, find it. It's that simple. Okay, let's go get those numbers out there.