Amityville Karen

I THOUGHT THIS WAS A PARODY AT FIRST LMAO BUT NO-

Anyway bad movie and I haven't even watched it. I can just tell its bad. Me and my friends could probably film a movie with our phones and it would be better than this. I don't even have friends, so that means non existent people could make a movie better than this....thing, can't even call it a movie at this point. It would actually be funnier if it was a parody, but knowing it's an actual movie that someone out there thought was a good idea made me lose faith in humanity even more than I've already lost it. Anyway, I gotta go my fish is barking at my dog again and my dog won't stop meowing back so I have to take care of that, cya.

Honestly, this movie is horrible. Many of the actors seem to simply read their lines -- you can see their eyes moving while looking down or off-camera, clearly reading the text. The plot barely makes any sense. Many of the scenes look as though they could just be improv'd. The dialog is really bad. In addition, the costumes/dress and makeup are also ridiculous -- Francesca spends the entire time in a ridiculous wig, half the scenes feature actors who are sweating profusely, and Phillips spends the film dressed in a pair of odd shorts and a button-up white shirt that's about 3 sizes too large for him. Finally, the film clocks it an almost an hour and 45 minutes, which is about half an hour too long for the amount of story that's actually in the movie. Honestly, unless one wants to be supportive of Phillips or Francesca, there's really no reason to watch this.

This film begins with an obnoxious woman by the name of "Karen" (Lauren Francesca) making life difficult for everyone in her particular neighborhood by yelling at them over minor issues and then subsequently complaining to the local authorities to further harass them. It seems that everything offends her and the only way she can be happy is to make others miserable. To make matters even worse, her job as a compliance officer gives her a sense of entitlement which actually amplifies her power when it comes to petty grievances of that sort. Things change, however, when she steals of bottle of wine from a local winery without realizing that it was made in Amityville and an evil spirit appears upon drinking it--resulting in the obnoxious busybody turning into a psychopathic killer. Now, rather than reveal any more, I will just say that I wasn't honestly expecting too much from this movie and, as a result, I wasn't too disappointed overall. Obviously, the plot was ridiculous to start with, but it was the awful script and the horrid acting which negatively impacted this movie the most. No doubt there will be some who will say that this film was "so bad that it was good." And if they enjoy a movie for that reason then I applaud them for it. Unfortunately, I have never subscribed to that opinion, and I have always believed that a bad movie is just that. That being said, I have rated this one accordingly.

I knew it would be bad. I didn't expect Val Lewton. I didn't even expect James Nguyen or Ed Wood. Just--not this. It's not even fun bad.

The script doesn't even try. Karen is a poorly-written caricature of the women who make lives miserable with petty displays of power. Her boyfriend(?) makes James Nguyen's protagonists look like Cary Grant. None of the actors add anything. They say the lines, and their paychecks didn't bounce.

Its budget is low, and there's no sign they even tried to be creative within it. Absolutely no scares or tension in any of the scenes.

Still, they'll make enough to recoup expenses.

The second I saw Ron Bonk's name in the credits, I'm like, I know that name! He was the guy responsible for the abortion known as House Shark. And I got exactly what I expected (well, more on that later) out of good ol Ron. Namely, a dull, talky, and overlong "horror" movie.

Amityville Karen fails on nearly every level, including successfully commenting on, or even portraying Karens... but there is one saving grace in this whole cluster-F; That is the performance of Karen herself, by the beautiful Lauren Francesca. In a movie chock full of mugging, camping it up, reading haphazardly off of cue cards, severely over-improvising, and just plain being obnoxious, Francesca was not only the sole actor I felt had any talent (I'm looking at you, James Duval!), but she provided the only laughs to be had in this movie.

Yes, this is another Bonk production where you REALLY can't judge the book by its cover. How does this sound to you? Wine (and beer... complete with "bros!") tastings, a winery with... wine bar?, an obnoxious wine aficionado, a wine unveiling, zoning complications, some sort of bizarre, horrible band who "performs" at the winery with an unplugged bass and mic, their conniving manager, inaudible dialogue, an overlong coda that bleeds into the credits, attempting to comment on Karens, serial killers, and assorted political BS. Oh, the new wine from Amityville is cursed. That's the bulk of the focus. Honestly, who gives an S about their stupid wine tasting, and all its red tape?! As much as I enjoyed Francesca, this movie fails as an Amityville movie, AND a Karen movie. That's the whole title!

I'll tell you why. Every character in this film is equally, if not more obnoxious than Karen is. So, I'm on HER side half the time, and when she drinks the cursed wine and goes psychotic, I couldn't WAIT for her to off these people (and... the worst offender survives to the end). Ok, Karen is supposed to be the obnoxious, entitled, and irrational person (who eternally needs to see the supervisor!). There's no one to play off of that. I just rolled with her antics! And Amityville is a totally peripheral plot point, at least as far as the official movies go.

If you're a fan of Lauren Francesca, she's very funny here, she does go psychotic, and on a killing spree. Otherwise, *snooze*...

Extras: The over-improvisor is... The director!