- Elvis Cooney: Yeah, so when I was a kid, I was terrified of clowns. You know, so when I grew up, I decided to face my fears. And one day, I slept with a female clown. Red hair. Big shoes. Wouldn't take her nose off. It was weird. Hmm. I woke up the next morning alone, and, uh, she'd twisted my penis into a poodle.
- Elvis Cooney: What's your name again?
- Hemavatinandan: Hemavatinandan Sunderdas.
- Elvis Cooney: Uh, can I call you Bob?
- Hemavatinandan: Yeah, sure. Yeah, how's the family?
- Elvis Cooney: Oh, they're great. Thanks for asking, Bob.
- [first lines]
- Elvis Cooney: [pleading] Let me go. I'm beggin' ya. Let me go. I'm beggin' ya. I already told ya I didn't do it. Please, let me... Please!