Beau Is Afraid

Angel: Yes, push forward. Pray that you learn valor and be given luck. You will walk many miles. Dozens will become hundreds. Hundreds will become thousands. You will pass through countless villages. But finally, one village will speak to you. Some deep, essential part of you will recognize it, and you will say "This village is mine." You will learn a trade. And eventually, earn a living. You will know the pleasure of tasting fruit and bread and wine that is yours because you have earned it. You will find a plot of land and build a house with your own hands. You will cultivate the land. You will live off it. You will come to make new friends. One day, you will meet a woman. The story of your meeting will change, according to who tells it; that you were lost, that she helped you find your way, or that she was off course and you guided her home. She will see your fears and your pain and your dreams and your potential. And you will see hers. In finding your other half, the gifts of your life will multiply. Sometimes, she will look like a man to you. She will become pregnant because you have sex with her. You will have children, three sons. You will teach them what you know and you will tell them you love them every day. They will grow into handsome boys, blessed with courage and kindness and ambition. You will share your feelings of pride with your therapist. He will archive them. One day, a historic storm will sweep through your village and destroy your home. You will be carried away by a great flood. You and your family will be separated. And you will be deposited in a strange country. You will look for your family for days, then weeks, then months. So many months that you will come to lose count, but you will not find them. You will try to find work to support your continuing search but no one will speak your language. You will be treated like a criminal. Eventually, you will come upon a village wracked by an inexplicable plague. As you pass through, a man deranged by tragedy will identify you as the beast who burned down his home and replaced his children's feet with their hands. You will try to argue your innocence, but this will only make you sound more guilty. You will wonder yourself whether you are guilty. You will flee. Mad with vengeance, they will send an attack dog to pursue you. It will tear through the world to find you. You won't know this, but you will sense it. And you will keep a detailed record of these impressions in a log, and over time this log will become many logs. Your adventures will continue for years and years. You will learn to distinguish birds by their call and you will know every tree and plant by its name. Abandoning all comforts, you will condition your mind to new ways of seeing. You will experience great highs and profound lows, and you will look for your family until your life shrinks and fades into the dream of a ghost. You will come to wonder if they ever existed. Finally, when you are old and frail, you will collapse in exhaustion.