Quotes

Every Day

Ned: [to son chatting the on the Internet] You're not talking to people you don't know, are you?
Jonah: Uhh, you mean potential pedophiles?
Ned: Mm-hm.
Jonah: Just ones that live around here.

Ernie: You were never able to take criticism either.
Jeannie: I think it depends on how it's given.
Ernie: There's no easy way to give it. It's like medicine. You just take it... if you really wanna get better.

Jonah: I'm not interested in being with someone who's older. I... I just wanna dance with other people who are gay.
Ned: I think I'd rather talk about the smell of pee.

Garrett: There is nothing unrelatable about sex with animals. I know a lot of people who've done it.
Brian: Sex with one's dog is the new sex with one's cat.

Jeannie: I can see that what's happening here is a huge downer for you. You can add it to your list next to gay son, sucky job and wife who's over forty.

Garrett: And even cable isn't ready for cannibalism yet, but I do think a good flambe penis story you can put in on children's television, somewhere.

Jeannie: [after Ernie has berated Ethan and forced him to leave] He's just beginning it, Dad. It's a very difficult piece.
Ernie: [Angrily] If you learn it wrong, it's twice as difficult.
Jeannie: He's playing for enjoyment. He's not planning on being a professional.
Ernie: Well, the, guess it doesn't matter how he plays. You were never able to take criticism either.
Jeannie: I think it depends on how it's given.
Ernie: There's no easy way to give it. It's like medicine. You just gotta take it if you want to get better.

Jeannie: [Talking about Ernie on the phone] No, he's not dead. He lives in New York.

Ethan: Is Grandpa Ernie gonna eat every meal with us?
Ned: Only if he's good. If he's bad, we force him to eat in his own room - excuse me, your room.

Jeannie: [Solicitously at the dinner table] Do you want some salad, Dad? You must be hungry; you haven't eaten all day.
Ernie: [Sourly] I need my shit kit.

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