- Olivia Romo: You don't like Nosferatu?
- Luke: No, I don't. In fact, most vampires find it a deeply offensive portrayal of our people.
- Olivia Romo: Wait, really?
- Luke: It's like our Birth of a Nation.
- Julius King: Do you like vampires, Miss Romo?
- Olivia Romo: What?
- Julius King: Vampires. You know. Dracula. Nosferatu. Twilight.
- Olivia Romo: No, not really. Why?
- Julius King: Oh, I don't know. I just noticed that you have a vampire book on the coffee table and, uh, vampire ornaments on your tree. I just figured maybe you like vampires. Why not? Lots of people do. I mean, they think they're... oh, they're really cool. And they're so sexy. But they're not. Y'know, I've seen a gang of vamps rip a man's head off. Then kick it 'round in a circle like a hacky sack. Just for fun.
- Olivia Romo: But... vampires aren't real.
- Julius King: Oh, yes they are. And you know they are. Don't you, Miss Romo?
- Olivia Romo: Christmas is supposed to be about spending time with the people you care about. It's supposed to be about opening presents and listening to Christmas music and eating and drinking too much. It is not, I repeat, not about killing fucking vampires! But you wouldn't know it from looking at my Christmas, would you?
- Olivia Romo: What about sunlight?
- Luke: What about it?
- Olivia Romo: Do you burn up when you go out in the day?
- Luke: I wouldn't burn up, but it wouldn't feel very good either.
- Olivia Romo: What does it feel like?
- Luke: Being in the sun? Feels like getting kicked in the balls. Over and over again.
- Olivia Romo: Oh. And what does being kicked in the balls feel like?
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