Dungeon Girl

I've seen many movies in my day, and many bad ones. "Dungeon Girl" must be the worst, easily.

There is simply nothing good to say about this production. The acting is appalling, the plot non-existent, and the music is beyond description.

Supposedly, the movie is about the abduction and captivity of Natascha Kampusch in Austria a few years ago.

The film starts with a strange mix of references to witches, and the repetition of the phrase "are you a witch"? I never realized exactly why this line keeps recurring throughout the film, which it does. In fact there are so many things in this movie which are left unexplained it's remarkable.

The "story" centers around the girl being held in a basement, or so the title suggests, although the basement seems to be in the attic. The kidnapper is very fond of masturbating with a doll, playing the guitar and singing in really bad German. Apart from this, he cooks soup and gives the girl chocolate. Mixed with this are some odd scenes of flashbacks from the girls' early life which only confuse the viewer.

Summary: A real stinker. Beware, though, the DVD has a rather deceptive cover which can trick you into renting it. Stay away from this one.

I've seen my share of crummy movies, but this is by far the worst ever! From the horrible acting, to the crummy plot, to the strange soundtrack... The entire film makes YOU want to go hide in a dungeon, it would be more entertaining than watching this movie. If you watch a movie about someone being kidnapped for six years, you expect something more than the guy feeding her chocolate and looking at her through a hole in the wall. Although it sounds morbid, where was the molestation or the mind games? I could not tell if this was a story about Stockholm syndrome or what. All in all, I'm still upset I wasted money buying such a horrible movie.

This movie is an absolute disaster. It's a lurid melodrama with no sense of plot or purpose. Dungeon Girl is a truly awful movie, not worth the price of a rental. Avoid this at all costs, it's not even worth seeing even just for the sake of seeing how truly bad it is, unless you just happen to be in an extremely masochistic mood. That said, there's a directors commentary on there and since I've already made the mistake of renting the movie, I'm almost tempted to run through the movie again with the commentary playing just to try to figure out what the folks who made this mess of a movie were thinking. Or, at the very least, what they were smoking. I can't really add anything that hasn't already been said about this movie, but I did just want to add my voice to the warnings in the hopes that maybe somebody, somewhere, can save the price of the movie rental and put the 90 or so minutes of their lives they would have spent watching this movie to better use. I should have checked the reviews here before I rented the movie myself. Unfortunately, this seems fairly representative of the quality of movie Lionsgate is releasing these days. Move along, nothing to see here.

...was what we thought. Unfortunately, we checked IMDb after my wife and I paid for this movie on pay-per-view and started watching it.

Well, we found out how you could all be so negative.

I, although not so much my wife, enjoy "bad" movies sometimes - for example, "bad" science fiction movies with laughable plots, laughable monsters/villains/viruses/aliens/etc - I believe they are bad on purpose to make them enjoyably laughable.

But this disaster has nothing to laugh about. The only joy you will realize is either when you turn it off or when it is mercifully over.

Do not waste your time.

From Ulli Lommel, the director who has mastered neither porn nor narrative, comes this fusion of the worst of both genres. The mindlessness of porn and the jarring, non-resolution of clumsy narrative are combined in this "to be missed at all costs" disaster of a film. Ever wonder what Hollywood means when they say "Based upon actual events"? That's just their way of saying "Once upon a time". In other words, the tale spun so maladroitly in this film has little in common with the real story. The director seems to have a prurient fascination with the fact that the actual young woman became a "media darling" after her ordeal. My impression of Lommel....hmmm...DaFoe's portrayal of a director in the comedic 2007 Rowan Atkinson film comes pretty close.