Escape from Area 51

Wow. Just wow!

Yeah, take heed and pay attention to the reviews here for "Escape From Area 51". Why? Well, because this 2021 sci-fi comedy is exactly as bad as the other reviewers make it out to be. And not bad in the way where it becomes hilarious to watch or enjoy, nay, "Escape From Area 51" was just downright horrible.

The storyline told in "Escape From Area 51", as written by Ted Chalmers, Eric Mittleman and Carlos Perez was just not delivering anything worthwhile, and it was a massive struggle to sit through this poorly written movie, which felt more like a college film class project than an actual movie.

Not only was the storyline a swing and a miss, but the characters in the movie were every bit as off target as the storyline was. So that combination didn't really make for an entertaining movie experience. The dialogue written for the characters matched the characters in pointlessness and stupidity, so that counts for something, I guess. The acting performances were dubious.

Then there was the special effects and CGI effects. Boy, that was indeed something else. And not in a good way. The CGI in "Escape From Area 51" was just something you'd see in an early 1990s PC game. I kid you not, it was that lame and bad. It amazes me how something that laughable makes it to the screen in 2021.

I managed to suffer through about half of this ordeal of a movie, then I was good and ready to give up on everything. So I left the movie, and I will never return to watch the rest of it, because I was by no means entertained by what transpired on the screen.

Director Eric Mittleman took a swing here, but everything fell short of delivering anything worthwhile.

My rating of "Escape From Area 51" lands on a one out of ten stars. Don't waste your time, money or effort on this movie. So of us did, in lesser or greater extend, so you don't have to.

I made it to 3mins 31 seconds. I'll pay anyone $100 a piece if you can make it further. What an absolute smoking pile of junk!! This is not "film making".

I'd have given this 2 stars as if very drunk or 14 years old, you might enjoy it in a "so bad it's good" way but I knocked a star off for being so sexist. No, not the scanty costumes, the way every male character in this show is either evil, stupid, or both. And every female character is super-competent and good. Oh, and lines about "on every planet, it is the women who step forward to sacrifice themselves". Must be news to all the dead allied soldiers littering the battlefields of WWII.

Anyway, gross misandry aside, I would love, love, love to know how this film got made. I mean, the guy playing the main baddy is actually someone I recognize from mainstream films. He's a decent actor. So what's going on here? Did he do it as a favour to a niece or something? Sexual favours? I reckon the budget for this thing is around $2000 (feeding twenty people for the two days they must have spent filming this adds up). I particularly like how every time the main villain stops to communicate with his ship on his wanderings, it's the SAME tree stump he is sitting on.

No really, anyone who knows how this got made please reply - did someone promise their daughter they could be in a movie? Was it someone's highschool project? Or just the director's way of meeting some attractive women and getting them to walk around in tight outfits?

Still, it will probably make a profit if even one person buys the DVD.

Seriously, the film is garbage, both for the technical elements and the plot that's thinner then a mimes favorite wall.

Camera work is rough as heck, looking like it was shot on multiple different camcorders, sound is 'on camera' at best, and distorted often (yet, the dialog is still clearer to the ear then a Nolan film,...) and the lighting is tragically bad.

It looks like it was shot 'in the park down the road', rather then out on location,. The studio sets look to have been ripped out of the dumpster of other z grade films.

And the insert segments, show how bad CG Animation can be.

But all through it, you can tell the cast are having a laugh while making it, knowing full well it's a brimmed crapbowl of badness.

Watch it with pizza, popcorn, weed and a beer, disregard the crappiness and you'll have a laugh at it too.

In case you are wondering, which you most likely are, no there is no eroticism or (to the exception of one scene with a pregnant woman talking into a webcam), nudity. Everything is Z grade from acting to visual effects to the type of humour you'll get from it. Its only one hour and sixteen minutes long but it'll feel a hell of a lot longer. If you like Z grade independent films with bad acting, bad visual effects, bad lighting and bad everything, this is the movie you've been waiting for. I'm sure glad I didn't pay to see it.