- Tucker Cleigh: Well, the country is like, what, 10 states wide? And each state is roughly 100 miles across. So that's like 1000 miles. We're going about 60 miles an hour, so we should be there in like 600 minutes.
- Horsedick.MPEG: When you give something to a bitch, they don't do nothin' but take. That's why I don't give 'em nothin' but the dick. 'Cause they can't take that away. You'll see. Tomorrow at the mansion I'ma run the train on seven, eight, nine, ELEVEN o' them honeys! Ain't a Playmate there I ain't tagged yet.
- Eugene Bell: Look I'm not even sure that I'm ready to be doing this, ok. Do you have any helpful advice? Have any tips on how I can make this a wonderful romantic night for Cindi and everything she wants it to be?
- Tucker Cleigh: Shave your cock.
- Cindi Whitehall: Eugene?
- Eugene Bell: Cindi.
- Cindi Whitehall: Oh, my God! I can't believe this! When did you wake up?
- Eugene Bell: About three days ago.
- Cindi Whitehall: How did you find me?
- Eugene Bell: It wasn't too hard.
- Cindi Whitehall: What does that mean?
- Eugene Bell: Where have you been?
- Cindi Whitehall: What?
- Eugene Bell: Where have you been?
- Cindi Whitehall: I've been a couple of places. Been working.
- Eugene Bell: Working? Working as what? A whore?
- Hugh Hefner: I gotta be honest with you, I'm gonna call Security.
- Tucker Cleigh: Okay, Mr. Hefner. Thanks for the talk.
- Hugh Hefner: No problem, son.
- Katja: [after distracted Tucker crashed the car into a pole due to the backseat activities] Is there going to be a problem?
- Tucker Cleigh: No. No.
- Katja: You almost made me bite Vonka's labia.
- Tucker Cleigh: Oh, sweet God.
- Hugh Hefner: Tucker, there's a bunny inside every woman.
- Tucker Cleigh: Just not bunnies you'd put in your magazine.
- Hugh Hefner: No, they're not. But if you can see the bunny, then you're on to something, my friend.
- Tucker Cleigh: [stranded in the middle of nowhere, slogging their way back] You know, I wish Candace were here.
- Eugene Bell: Really? Again? She's trying to *kill* you.
- Tucker Cleigh: Yeah. She has a car, though.