- Travis Touchdown: [internal monologue during ranking battle #10] This Count... I feel as if I'm looking at my future self. Mega bucks, big-ass house, fast cars, dining in style with a world class chef and a trusted nutritionist counting every calorie! A team of hot Yoga instructors to keep me in shape... Nurses, to attend to my body... Maids and loyal servants at my beck and call... On the weekends, ten babes knocking on my door every two hours... Every day full of exitement and luxury, that'd be the life! Everything in its right place, it's the perfect life, it's the life of winners! That'll be my life! I thirst for selflessness, hypocrites lusting for their own desire to get killed by young rookies like me! This is how it goes down... And for the old killers? They'll croak anyway. I guess you could call this a "Comedy". I realize there's really nothing here for me. But what else CAN I do but keep going? Maybe I should've been a little more careful before I jumped in... Gotta find the exit... Gotta find that exit, to Paradise! But I can't see it... I can't see anything! There's this sense of doom running down my spine like it's... Like it's trying to suck the life out of me! I need to get rid of it, before I bail... Something deeper, somethng deeper then my instincts is taunting me! Can't find the exit... Can't find the exit... Can't find the exit... Can't find the exit... Can't find the exit...
- Travis Touchdown: I know a lot of gamers out there who don't have much patience. 'least that's what Bishop the dude at the video store said. So I'm at the register and then I realize: I got no money! I was seriously broke! Why? 'cause I met this smoking hot chick last night at the deathmatch bar and MAN did she smell GOOD! So, being the gentleman I am, I bought her a drink. Anyhoo, I decided to get a job. The gig: assassinate 'The Drifter'! So I went where I was supposed to and waited for the guy to show up. And there he was: this cat, well-dressed, cool. Couldn't tell if he was the shit, or just plain old shit. Yeah, so he's stylin', fast, aggressive, and packin' heat. Bada-bing. Or at least it was supposed to be. 'Til she showed up. Her name: Sylvia Christel, an agent with this whatchyamacallit association. "Congratulations; you are certified as the 11th best hitman. How about getting rid of the 10 killers above you, and aim for the top?" I wanna be number one. How's that? Short and simple enough for ya? It's gonna be a long, hard road. But who knows? Could kick ass. Could be dangerous. Could totally suck. Whadaya say, bro? Join me. Let's see how far we can take this. And for you there, holding the Wii Remote right now, just press the A button. Let the bloodshed begin!
- Henry: [Henry and Travis run out of the motel with their beam katanas still clashing] Let me ask you, how do you plan to put an end to all of this?
- Travis Touchdown: Wait a sec. You want me to tie up all these loose ends? I don't think so.
- Henry: You're the protagonist. I'm just a cool, handsome foil who happens to be your twin brother. Hate to say it, but it's your job.
- Travis Touchdown: I want to bail, but where the hell's the exit? There's no way out, is there? No getting out... Right, bro?
- Henry: That's right. All we can do is keep running.
- Travis Touchdown: Then let's find that exit they call Paradise.
- [They break off from their clash and stand off facing each other]
- Henry, Travis Touchdown: Let's go!
- [They clash again and the credits roll as the last frame is frozen in a paint-like look]
- Travis Touchdown: That was quite a move. I'll admit you've got potential. If challenge had a taste, you'd be quite delicious.
- Travis Touchdown: Why the Hell do you call me Travis? "Travis!" Like you're my friend or something! Who the fuck do you think you are?!
- Silvia Christel: I'm running late for my facial. Catch you later.
- [Kicks Travis out of her limo and drives off]