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Fist of the Vampire (2007)

Review by isaged

Fist of the Vampire

2/10

Choreography gore duh

Well, on the positive side I learned two things about vampires that I never knew before. (1) Besides drinking blood vampires also chew and swallow flesh. Until now I'd thought that only zombies did. (2) when stabbed, fatally choked, or exposed to sufficient sunlight, vampires catch fire. My advice to young people is to make your first date with anyone in the sunlight. While not surprised by the amount of beatings that vampires can take, I was amazed by how much damage human martial arts men and women can sustain without being seriously hindered. Also, though this is also true in many crime and Western movies, how severe beatings leave them unbruised. On the negative side, the dozens of martial arts dances (or whatever one calls them) were boring from the start and remained so. Such movies as the Calendar Girl, Cop, Killer? series demonstrate that this need not be so. The camera work was extremely jerky. So was the music, and often it didn't seem to "fit" what was going on. I'm a bit puzzled why a policewoman would wear stiletto heels when sneaking through a window into a dangerous building, but at least her doing so made it easier to recognize her in the subsequent muddy photography. I was amazed by the number of bullets that ordinary-seeming hand guns can hold. As is also common in crime movies and Westerns, their users also tend to be amazingly poor shots. Mercifully, the actors used the f-word rarely, though (less mercifully) most often in connection with maternal incest.
  • isaged
  • Jun 3, 2012

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