Dark Floors

I love cheesy horror flicks. I don't care if the acting is sub-par or whether the monsters look corny. I liked this movie except for the bewildered feeling all the way from the beginning of the film to the very end. Look, I don't need a 10 page dissertation or a sign with big letters explaining a plot to me. But Dark Floors takes the "what is this movie about?" thing to a whole new (annoying) level. What IS this movie about?

This isn't exceptionally scary or thrilling but if you have an hour and a half to kill and/or you want to end up feeling frustrated and confused, rent this winner.

Ben (Noah Huntley) is trying to leave a hospital with autistic daughter Sarah (Skye Bennett) when they get trapped in an elevator with four other people. When they emerge, they find the hospital completely empty and all modes of communication dead. Traveling floor to floor by the stairs, they find each level getting worse and worse as they combat ghosts and demons. This English language Finnish film is interesting in that it was built as a horror movie vehicle for Lordi, a GWAR-esque band known for their crazy costumes that ended up representing Finland in the Eurovision song contest in 2006. The fascinating thing is horror and heavy metal rarely mix correctly and usually comes off goofy (Rock 'N Roll Nightmare, I'm looking at you). But this is played entirely straight with the Lordi members being the ghosts/demons featured on various levels. Somehow director Pete Riski - who did Lordi videos previous to this and is making his feature debut - manages to make it work. No one from the band has any speaking lines, but the filmmakers manage to make them pretty imposing (not an easy feat when you consider one keeps on his leather jacket). There is also a whole time loop thing going on the never really works itself out, but the film is well made enough that I forgive things like that.

Lordi was a major hype and revelation in 2007 because they won the Eurovision Song Contest with a (not-so-heavy) metal song called "Hard Rock Hallelujah" and appeared on stage dressed like hideous monsters. But, let's face it, their victory most likely had very little to do with their great musical talents. The Eurovision contest gradually turned into one big political circus over the years and Lordi probably just won because their song finally brought a little change and – even more importantly - because their whole act sort of ingeniously spoofed the whole annual event. The absolute last thing Lordi's first (and hopefully last) horror film brings is change and ingenuity. "Dark Floors", based on an idea of the lead singer and starring the rest of the band in supportive roles, is a truly unimaginative and hopeless accumulation of clichés. The immense budget ("Dark Floors" supposedly is the most expensive Finnish film ever) definitely assures greatly macabre set pieces and impressive make-up art, but what's the point where there's no story that is worth telling? The film takes is set in a busy hospital where a bunch of people, among them a father and his young daughter with an unidentifiable illness, become trapped in the elevator during a power breakdown. When the doors open again, the floors are empty and it looks as if the hospital lies abandoned since many years already. Trying to reach the exit, the group stumbles upon several morbid and inexplicable obstacles, like eyeless corpses, screaming ghosts and Heavy Metal monsters emerging from the floors. The only three points I'm handing out to "Dark Floors" are exclusively intended for the scenery and the adequate tension building during the first half of the film. For as long as the sinister events don't require an explanation, the atmosphere is quite creepy, but as soon as you realize the explanation will a) be very stupid or b) never come, the wholesome just collapses like an unstable house of cards. Lordi's costumes never really were scary to begin with (except maybe to traditional Eurovision fans) and, in combination with a story more reminiscent to Asian ghost-horror, they just look downright pathetic and misfit. With all the national myths and truly unique exterior filming locations, I personally always presumed Finland – The Land of a Thousand Lakes – would be the ideal breeding ground for potentially horrific horror tales, but I guess that's another disillusion on my account.

It has been a while since I've rated a movie and Dark Floors isn't exactly the best movie to make my comeback on.

Dark Floors starts as a concerned father tries to get his daughters medical problems diagnosed. He isn't satisfied with them not curing her within the first day of testing so he decides to take her out of the hospital w/o their knowing. Unfortunately the elevator takes them to a strange evil hospital where they must try and survive.

Man this does have some coolness as it really reminds me of another version of Silent Hill where we see the real world and the twisted dream world. The story is fairly interesting at first but unfortunately it gets boring quickly as the sit for periods and do pretty much nothing...I mean really there is a part where they spend nearly five minutes attacking a wall. The movie is part interesting but it can be worse as far as horror movies go.

If you have the time and attention this is an fair watch...

Well, the movie itself, the place and the atmosphere did actually have the potential to be more successful and enjoyable. But the way things happened during the story made it a lil bit disappointing.