Bikini Bloodbath

Wow... There are so many things you can do in your lifetime than watch this movie. Sure, it has Debbie Rochon. (For about 5 minutes...) And of course the production company cashes in on this BIG TIME. This is no more than a bunch of friends getting together making a home movie. One of them has a decent camera, (which it seems they never cleaned...) so they decided to make a movie after a night of drinking. If you've seen any interviews with them, they proudly declare that they came up with the title LONG before they came up with a concept for the movie, and it shows. The special effects really aren't really that special. The acting really isn't acting. In fact, it's almost insulting. Production value is laughable. Just how many producers are needed to make a low budget flick like this anyways? When you see one of the bikini clad girls is one of the producers, it makes you think... "Casting Couch" There is no way the "Suzy" character was actually hired to do this film. She's not good looking, she can't act, but she's in many scenes and she's a producer. She doesn't even get naked... She either invested a lot of money in the film or "worked" her way into this project in her own special way... A story would have been nice. At least a back story... Anything. The only reason I gave it 2 stars is because you get to see some boobs and there are some laughable moments. Low budget film fans might find a few redeeming qualities, but it will be a stretch.

This movie begins with a young high school student named "Jenny" (Leah Ford) waking up one morning with the radio broadcasting that a serial killer by the name of "William Leschenski" (Robert Cosgrove Jr.) is on the loose. Apparently, she isn't listening as she dresses and goes to school. The next scene involves a volleyball game with four female students on each side along with a lesbian coach named "Miss Johnson" (Debbie Rochon) and another student by the name of "Suzy" (Sheri Toczko) on the sidelines because none of the other girls like her. After a shower scene Jenny tells the girls that she is having a party that night at her house and invites everyone except Suzy. Meanwhile some football players are also having a party that night as well. Unfortunately, the serial killer known now as "Chef Death" decides to target Jenny's party and proceeds to murder several of them one by one. Now rather than reveal any more of this film and risk ruining it for those who haven't seen it, I will just say that this movie was about as cheap and trashy as they come. Personally, I thought the acting, script and music were all bad and the comedy was crass and repetitive. As a matter of fact, about the only good thing about this movie was the presence of a few attractive ladies in bikinis which included Katie Gil (as "Portia"), Olja Hrustic ("Ginger"), Amy Pelletier ("Stacy") and the aforementioned Leah Ford. But other than that, I saw nothing of any value or interest and as a result I rate this movie as definitely below average.

Like most people, the name of Debbie Rochon is what brought me to this movie. Coupled with a catchy title, I took a chance. Well, let me just say that this movie gives new meaning to the term "Don't judge a book by its cover." in more ways than one. Debbie of course gives a fine performance as the lesbian gym teacher, but they obviously spent their whole budget on having her in the film for all about 3 minutes. They certainly didn't spend it on special effects or other actors, or even locations. All other performances where pretty bland, except for some of the football team scenes, which were pretty funny. The only female role on the "bikini" side that was worth watching was Jenny, played by Leah Ford. The other performances from the girls went from an average performance from Anna-Karin as Sharon to an almost embarrassing one from Sheri Lynn as the Nerdy Girl. I was begging for the girls to get killed. Hopefully cheering for the killer was what the film makers had planned all along, because that is what you'll end up doing.

Before i start, i was not expecting much from the title but, I have Finally found a movie worse than any Ben Afleck film and thats a promise. I honestly never thought i would see this day.

What we have here is a standard slasher flick, you get all the usual nude shower scenes, Lesbian Butch Gym teacher and parents away so lets have a party at the house scenario. Now Imagine and its damn hard to but just for a minute imagine a world where the music goes from one scene of Metalica to the next with Busted !!!!. The Killer i am sure is the lead singer from ZZ Top wearing a Chefs outfit........WHY.

Anyway the girls organise a party, its an all night Chick party so what kind would you have in this sort of cheap effort, pyjama party or lingerie party or fancy dress party. Ohhhhh Noooo they have balloons and streamers, i thought i had gone back 30 years to my 4th Birthday. I was waiting for the Jelly and Ice Cream to arrive next.

I don't want to even get started on the sports Jocks. The usual would be adolescent boys throwing an American football to each other, you would think then, hey these guys are the football team. No these boys are all chubby wasters wearing t-shirts with the words "Football Player", i also counted 57 times they high fived each other.

Just as all hope seemed to fade away a noise started to grown from the background, it was getting clearer and clearer, yes the jocks were dancing to Footloose. I was expecting Kevin Bacon to make an appearance but all we got were a bunch of overweight Muppet's dancing to what looked like Chunk doing the truffle Shuffle from the Goonies.

In conclusion i shall leave you to decide but take this one last line to give you inspiration when deciding whether to watch this abysmal effort. A Girl is killed on the toilet in the bathroom, the guy runs out and shouts "shes dead, shes dead" and another girl responds are you sure she is not in there for number 2.

I shall say no more.

The premise of this movie is basically about, uh, um, well I don't even know.

Wow, this is what independent films are all about, bad directing, bad editing, bad acting, etc. But if you enjoy half naked women getting whacked off with ketchup blood, then that's exactly what you'll get. Even the credits are funny, albeit to explicit to post here. I could go and see if the actors in this movie are porn stars, but from the acting, I assume they couldn't even make it to that stage in the film industry.

Maybe it was the directing, I don't know, but it seemed as if everyone in this movie was supposed to act as if they were doped up on something and dropped on their heads.

And have they ever heard of a tripod before? Be the judge for yourself, compare this to any homemade "horror" film on YouTube, and you'll be more impressed by this movie.

I won't give it the "absolute trash" comment though, as this is clearly not attempting to be a graphically shocking movie, just a cheap excuse to show breasts and blood. In the same film.

Overall, if your looking for something to laugh and tear apart by the utter catastrophe of this quote "film" then this should be satisfactory for some laughs.