Curse of Pirate Death

i been watching this movie with my wife last night,and i am a real fan of gore movies,at the first 10 minutes of this film you are sure that you are gonna watch a porn movie,but for my surprise it was a real refreshing movie-good metal music,sexy body language and great b movie saluter effects. i cant said it is a good movie but yes it is a cult movie. for the metal lovers you must see this crap. but beware-terrible actors,bad script,and a cheap video camera but the atmosphere is great,and the story is a nice legend about pirates and love story beyond death. and Ron Jeremy for his life role you must watch this movie!!!!!

This movie changed my life. To anybody struggling to come to terms with our place in the universe, or anybody who finds themselves wondering about the point of our existence, I would recommend to you Curse Of Pirate Death. This movies liberal use of breasts and black metal, combined with its moving plot and gripping character development will change how you view the world of movies, and the world in general. Not only is the story original, moving and full of subtext, but it is also thrilling and will have you spooked right out of your seat throughout. Mitch Toles delivers a stunning performance as Pirate Death, one which I would consider Oscar worthy, viewers will find themselves screaming in terror at the bloody murder scenes one minute, and laughing at his puns the next. The empowerment of women is an important theme in this movie, as many of the female characters will show their breasts with provocation and none of the male characters bat an eyelid, which just goes to show how forward thinking the writers were when approaching this topic. The powerful and socially conscious messages of the movie mean that anyone who sticks around for the whole thing will leave feeling enriched, and it also makes the film not just suitable for children, but a necessary watch for any child that needs to be molded into a healthy member of society. 10/10 will view again, many times.

What can you say? This movie is maybe, just maybe in the so-bad-it's-good category...depending on your personal taste and criteria. Personally, I wouldn't say so. It's just amazingly bad, and this is actually backed up by comments made by the director himself: I spent nearly two hours listening to a podcast style interview with him, where he commented on all his movies to date (the interview was made in 2019).

Pretty entertaining actually. He does have a sense of humor - and he very much realizes that this movie is an absolute stinker. A lot of things went wrong there, it seems. See, the thing is that the guy (Dennis Devine) has made if not decent, then at least somewhat passable, semi-professional movies. But it seems that he has nearly always worked on a tiny budget - and nearly always completed his movies very quickly (this one was shot in just a couple of days, basically). In the interview he mentions - hilariously - that the big "star" of this movie, Ron Jeremy, failed to show up for one of his scheduled days of shooting...which naturally messed up things for him (Devine).

He also mentions Curse of Pirate Death (what a title!) being a sort of testing ground for a new camera he had acquired, but never really tried before, and that this - well - this influenced the end product too.

Perfectly reasonable, as such. But there still doesn't seem to be much excuse for casting people who clearly can't act to save their lives in almost every role. I mean, Ron Jeremy genuinely is the best actor of the bunch (he at least has some experience "acting" in old school porn flicks that had some semblance of a "plot") even if he seems outrageously miscast as a "professor" (his main scholastic interest seems to be asses, as you'd expect).

Side note: the "actress" portraying the female "professor" is also a porn star - and one who has appeared in multiple other Devine titles over the years (she's a friend of him, apparently).

Anyway, this is a one-star effort - it can't possibly be called anything else. And - no - it's not "so-bad-it's-good". There is literally no reason whatsoever why anyone should waste an hour and some minutes on this utter drivel. But in a weird way, I kinda like it. I don't know what it is, precisely - perhaps I just like the idea that something so insanely bad was made and still exists as a movie people can watch (DVDs were produced, perhaps even Blu-rays for all I know).

I got this film with an Amazon 50 movie pack, the Mortuary of Madness. it's something about how these pirates deposited a treasure along a river bank a long time ago and their ghosts (?) still defend it from overly-inquisitive locals. The movie looks like it was filmed on the bank of some small stream - I guess the location was cheap enough, huh? The characters battle it out with what look to be homemade pirate "weapons" and whatever pirate-looking clothes they could scrounge up at their neighborhood Goodwill store. There is some nudity, especially one silicon-enhanced pirate woman who will use any excuse imaginable to bare her breasts for all to admire; she does so frequently. What I find most confusing of all is that IMDb says the movie had an estimated budget of $500,000! So after they spent the $35 on pirate clothes, a few thou on Ron Jeremy's salary, and another $8K for the bolt-on titties, where did the remaining money go, I wonder???

Okay, so I know I am listed as the writer and even got the story credit...luckily, I know that is not true. The movie you have seen (and I am sorry) was NOT MY SCRIPT! Some of the character names were in my version, but this is not mine. This was not my story idea.

Dave, if your reading this, I'm sorry to be trashing it. But you know how I feel about this one.

If you wanna check out a Sterling Gore Fest, check out Gothic VAMPIRES FROM HELL or ATTITUDE FOR DESTRUCTION. Or even THE CURSE OF LIZZIE BORDEN 2.

I know, shameless plug over!

***Can I get an Alan Smithee for this one?***