Slaughtered Vomit Dolls

Have you seen the trailer to this film? Well, imagine that same thing only have it last 71 minutes long. That's basically what this film is. There's a lot of puking, guts, nudity, and satanic music, but none of it means anything. There is no substance, style, taste, originality, plot, acting, or script. I could make a movie just like this.

1.) Buy and take the time to create a bunch of fake body parts and gross effects to have them at my disposal and then film my friends getting naked and pretending to do gross things with them.

2.) I mix a few buckets of fake blood and guts, tell them to all get naked, make a lot of pea soup, splash them with the stuff and have them pretending to vomit the stuff out, and then turn the camera on, dim the lights, and start filming.

3.) I cover them with fake blood and guts and hen tell them to tell them to get naked and pretend to puke them out. Then I turn the camera on again, dim the lights and film them doing that.

4.) The I could make some industrial music and then run it through a computer mixer and have it play backwards and then record that on the soundtrack.

5.) I rinse and repeat all three things and then take the footage and edit it all together and make it as disjointed and unplanned as possible.

6.) Then, I take the footage, add credits and print it and BAM! I have made a film with the same amount of creativity and appeal.

So that's it. The director, Lucifer Valentine, obviously had a lot of fun making this, but he neglected to make a movie. It's too bad because I could totally see him making something even crazier and more messed up and creative than this. If you like gore, well, you've seen better.

What the hell was that mess I just watched??? Well, apparently it was meant to be the sickest, scariest, most disturbing thing ever made. Well, Slaughtered Vomit Dolls is far from any of those, in fact, it was merely a pathetic attempt to shock using vomit-gore. And there wasn't even that much of it, it was mainly some random nudity and a girl talking about her feelings. It was poorly edited, it had no plot whatsoever, the music was appalling and for some reason the director slowed down the voices. That was just irritating.

The gore was fairly well done with some sick effects (including a detailed face-stabbing/eye removal scene) but some were spoiled by ludicrous events. Eg. a girl gets her arm sawed off then she is handed a guitar (WTF????!!!!!????!!!). Really dumb and unintentionally funny. The vomit scenes were fairly nauseating but they were all just them sticking their hands down their throats.

Please, don't waste your life on this movie, it was pointless and boring as *beep*. Just a pathetic attempt to be shocking.

0/5.

This resoundingly awful film is like spending an hour and ten minutes watching a bad music video. Much like the worst film ever made, The Blair Witch Project, silly-named director Lucifer Valentine attempts to use overly mobile camera angles to hide the fact that there's actually nothing going on in this film. Slaughtered Vomit Dolls plays out almost like a silent movie, as there is very little dialogue and the plot moves through just what we see on screen. But any thoughts of this being a credible art film are quickly vanquished when it turns out that all the film is, is a collection of scenes showing people vomiting blood. The plot has something to do with a young whore suffering from bulimia, but it's not analysed at all and while the film might think it's something like Roman Polanski's Repulsion, it certainly isn't. Apparently, this film was banned from a bunch of horror festivals for being too graphic (or something), but if I was choosing films for a horror festival, I'd have banned it for being too boring. Really, this film is a bad joke and I honestly don't see how anyone could find it disturbing. There's nothing left to say except don't waste your time…if you want to see an overly gory modern film, see Murder-Set-Pieces instead. Said film might not be great either, but it's Citizen Kane compared to this.

This movie is honestly one of the most pretentious movies I've ever seen. It is like an amalgamation of every single pretentious art house film trope ever: the found footage style to make up for the terrible production quality, the random over the top gore and nudity, the religious imagery, the reversed audio, the jumbled editing, the complete lack of any coherent plot or characters, etc. And for defenders of this film who will say, "it's not supposed to make sense; it's supposed to be open to interpretation; you missed the point of the movie," I will say, that doesn't matter. Yes, art is art, anyone can find some meaning in almost anything, but this movie is a jumbled mess. It's repetitive, beyond just the fact that it kinda just cycles between brutal violence and gore, people vomiting, and random abruptly cut, out of context dialogue, it literally reuses so much footage over and over. I swear they probably only recorded about 30 minutes of footage, and just extended it out to 110 minutes by just repeating the footage over and over. This movie gives me the terrible impression that it thinks it's super deep and creative and outside the box, when really it's just edgy for the sake of being edgy. Pushing boundaries and having a lot of nudity and gore isn't inherently pretentious, so long as it is doing those things for the sake of making a point or showing a deeper meaning. But this movie is the opposite of that, it's ridiculously over the top disgusting for the sake of being disgusting and getting attention.

The creators clearly lack the talent & resources to make a decent coherent film. SVD reminded me of a p*ss poor, made-the-night before student film. Don't believe any of the hype, DO NOT PAY FOR THIS FILM, go & watch a real movie instead.

Granted, some of the gore was nice, but I would rather just watch a slide show of the prosthetics. This film is a pathetic waste of time, completely devoid of artistic merit; it smacks of bored genre groupies, desperate to make a name for themselves, but lacking the creative chutzpah to dent an already crowded scene.

Trash, in the worst possible way.