- White Bitch: Behold, my white castle.
- [she points to a White Castle restaurant across from them]
- Edward: White Castle? I feel like I've been there before.
- [Peter removes his jacket and wing straps]
- Cyclops: He's unleashing his powers!
- Storm: He's gonna spread angel wings!
- [Peter clucks like a chicken and turns around showing his small-sized wings on his back]
- Mystique: More like chicken wings!
- Magneto: Break it up. Break it up. You all know Peter is too much of a pussy to stand up for himself.
- White Bitch: [holding crystal] Let's start things off with a bang, shall we?
- Edward: But you'll kill millions.
- White Bitch: Billions. Come on. Let me hear you say it.
- Edward: My family will stop you!
- White Bitch: WRONG!
- Harry Beaver: May I present the kings and queens of Gnarnia! Peter the Heroic. Susan the Just. Edward the Loyal. And Lucy the Dumb Shit.
- Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: [From unrated version] Enough is enough! I've had it! With these motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!
- Susan: So have I!
- Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: Enough is Enough! I've had it! With these motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!
- Susan: Right...
- Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: I've had it! With these motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!
- Susan: Why do you keep saying that?
- Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: Because internet bloggers love it when I say "I've had it! With these motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!"
- Susan: Alright, we get it already. Okay?
- Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: No! I don't think you do! I've had it! With these motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!
- Susan: Why are you yelling?
- Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: Shit, bitch! I'm ALWAYS yellin'! I'm Samuel motherfuckin' Jackson!
- Susan: Bitch?
- [Gets thrown off the plane]
- Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: I have had it with these goddamn snakes on this goddamn plane!
- Susan: Oh, I know, please help!
- Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: I have had it with these goddamn snakes on this goddamn plane!
- Susan: I know...
- Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: I have had it with these goddamn snakes on this goddamn plane!
- Susan: Why do you keep saying that?
- Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: Because internet bloggers love when I say, "I have had it with these goddamn snakes on this goddamn plane!"
- Susan: Why are you yelling?
- Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: Shut up, bitch! I'm always yelling! I'm Samuel Goddamn Jackson!
- Susan: [Shocked] Bitch?
- ["Samuel Jackson" grabs Susan and throws her from the plane]
- Peter: [Talking about the frozen White Bitch] We will create a democratic society, and give her a fair trail, and...
- Captain Jack Swallows: [Jack Swallows come rolling by on the wodden wheel and runs over the Bitch]
- [In the distance]
- Captain Jack Swallows: Take that, Bitch!
- Peter: [pauses] Ah, screw her anyways.
- [first lines]
- Narrator: This is the story of four orphans brought together by fate. They didn't know it yet, but there was something more greater in store for them, something epic.
- Magneto: We'll stand behind you, Peter. That bitch has threatened our mutant way of life for too long. We believe in you.
- Hermione Granger: Hope you chicks are on the pill. Harry likes to get wasted and show off his sorcerers stones.
- Narrator: And so it was that Peter, Susan, Edward and Lucy restored peace to Gnarnia. They were orphans no more. They were now a family. They ruled Gnarnia for many years to come. That is, until they found the wardrobe once again.
- Peter: And a monobrow!
- Mystique: [Does a double take] ... come again?
- Peter: [Starts clapping his hands] Monobrow, monobrow, king wants a monobrow!
- Mystique: Ok, ok!
- [She sighs and grows a monobrow reluctantly]
- Peter: And big flabby grandma arms!
- Mystique: [disgusted] ... Oh!
- Peter: ...Bingo wings! Like a fat blue Britney Spears!
- Mystique: [Rolls her eyes, as she starts flapping her arms and begins to shapeshift]
- Peter: [while drooling] ... now that's what I'm talking about...
- Morphed Mystique: [She now appears extremely fat, flabby, and cross-eyed, flapping her "bingo wings" for Peter]
- Peter: ...come here!
- Morphed Mystique: [Disgustingly wiggles her tongue]
- Peter: [Peter pulls down the now extremely fat Mystique and they start to make out and get it on]
- Kanye West Look-Alike: [while Lucy is viewing the camera from Mr. Tumnus] The White Bitch doesn't care about black people.
- White Bitch: This crystal will finally put an end to the resistance. I will start a series of earthquakes that will collapse all of Gnarnia and grow a new continent where only I and my followers will live.
- Bink: Yo, Bitch, that's pretty much the plot of Superman Returns.
- White Bitch: Pretty much, yeah.