- Jane F.: *That* is where corn chips come from. Hmm... Maybe ol' Professor Hardwood is onto something. He probably really loves corn. And all corn-related products. I mean, isn't that what you're supposed to put in a frame? Things you love? I'm gonna do that. When I'm get home, I'm gonna frame a bunch of stuff I love. Like lasagna. I *love* lasagna. It's SO good. And cheesy. You know who else loves lasagna? Garfield. Man, that cat really loves lasagna. Maybe I should put a picture of Garfield in a frame. You know, as a kind of shorthand way of saying 'I love lasagna.' That would be so f*cking inside. Or how 'bout a photo of *President* Garfield? Oh shit, that would be totally meta! People would be all like: Jane, why do you have a photo of President Garfield on your mantle? And I'd be like: Because I like lasagna, of course.
- Roscoe Lee Browne: Here's what Jane really said...
- Jane F.: You think you're so... uhmm... uhh... JESUS! Then you go on and on and on about this and that and all this other bullshit! And all I gotta say is FUCK MAN! This situation is totally fucked! With a capital! I mean... Have you ever!... Do you like even... DO YOU? You tell your people that!
- Jane F.: They say that true potheads stops getting the munchies after a certain point. I mean the true pothead wouldn't even say the word munchies. I dont know what the true pothead would say."munchos" or "hungries" or something. At any rate, I still love to eat when I'm high. So fuck you if you're too cool to get hungry when you're stoned. My free one years supply of Dr. Bjorns. Neat huh?
- Officer Jones: What's your name?
- Jane F.: Uh... Christy?
- Officer Jones: You don't sound too sure of that.
- Jane F.: No, it's Christy.
- Officer Jones: Well, Christy... How come your friend just called you Jane a second ago?
- Jane F.: Jane's uhh... my... religious... name?
- Jane F.: It's really bright out, officer.
- Officer Jones: Would you mind removing your hand from your forehead?
- Jane F.: It's really bright out.
- Roscoe Lee Browne: Shall we say a few words about Brevin Ericson? Shall we say a few words about love? For Brevin Ericson is completely, 100%, head-over-heels, in love. Perhaps it's difficult for you to comprehend how anybody could be so passionately-inclined toward someone like this. But do not judge her too harshly. After all, how was she to know they were pot cupcakes. And ask yourselves: who amongst you might not have done the same? Who are we to judge what beats in a young man's heart?
- Brevin: [at the dentist] I kind of like it. I mean, it's not like I'm a masochist or anything, it's just.. Well, in a way, it makes me feel like, "Yeah.. my teeth are being taken care of." You know? It makes me feel... prosperous.
- Jane F.: [Jane enters the auditon room] Hey, I'm Jane. It's nice to meet you... I've heard alot about you.
- Casting Director: Excuse me?
- Jane F.: [Jane start giggling] He he he he, nothing... aaah... wiiieeeeeeeh
- Casting Director: Are you alright?
- Jane F.: I'm fantastic! How are you?
- Casting Director: I'm fine...
- Jane F.: Great!
- Jane F.: [Brevin is finally finished after his dentist appointment and gets out to the waiting room where Jane is and Jane imidietly freaks out] OOOH, thank fucking god! This has been the longest, dollest, most uncomfortable thing, I can remember ever doing! I really thought that I was gonna DIE of boredom!