Samaire Armstrong credited as playing...
Nell Bedworth
- Woody: [inhabited by Nell, seeing how Woody has dressed her body for school] You look like a common prostitute.
- Nell Bedworth: [Woody in Nell's body] Damn... I was going for high class hooker.
- Nell Bedworth: [inhabited by Woody] What're you wearing?
- Woody: [inhabited by Nell] Chinos and an Oxford cotton button down I found it in the back of your closet.
- Nell Bedworth: Which is exactly where it's meant to stay until another one of my relatives croaks.
- Woody: Nonsense. You can't beat a classic look.
- Nell Bedworth: [as Woody, after hearing a poem Shakespeare wrote to a man] The bard was a bender. Who woulda thought?
- Nell Bedworth: [Woody in Nell's body gives up the task of putting on a bra] Ladies, looks like you and me is going au naturel.
- Nell Bedworth: [Woody in Nell's body to Nell in Woody's body on dealing with morning erections without touch] Well, there is one thing that I do in case of emergencies. Sort of let's the air out of the old tire, if you know what I'm saying. First, I close my eyes, and I think of you. Pssst. Works every time.
- Woody: [inhabited by Nell] What exactly is it that people like me don't get?
- Nell Bedworth: [inhabited by Woody] People like ME!
- Woody: Then educate me, PLEASE.
- Nell Bedworth: Okay. We like to play ball. Maybe we're even pretty good at it. So... maybe we get accepted at some second-rate, shit-kicker college, or maybe we go work for our dad at the spatula store. Who knows. But what we don't get is a great job, a big apartment in the city, and a Yale education.
- Nell Bedworth: [inhabited by Woody] I'm a loser, I'm trouble and I'm stupid. It's basic genetics. Can't help it.
- Woody: [inhabited by Nell] Funny... never took you for a quitter.
- Nell Bedworth: But chew on this: While archetypal outsiders such as myself rarely fit comfortably into high school environments, THIS is as good as your life will get: The big football star and his vacuous cheerleader girlfriend.
- Breanna: HEAD cheerleader.
- Nell Bedworth: Hm. Because, let's face it, the old grey matter ain't exactly top-range, now is it, Woodster. So you'll end up with a job in Spachlor World, with your Dad, and probably marry Breanna here, but soon you start drinking to numb this aching feeling you have inside. And, you fast-forward a few years, and you're a drunk, fat, depressed guy at a bar talking about the good old days, while your little wife, whose looks and stuff have gone to doodoo, is propping up her own self-esteam by indulging in squalid sexual encounters with your friends behind your back.
- Woody: What friends?
- Nell Bedworth: I'm guessing most of 'em. Have a good day.
- Woody: [inhabited by Nell] Can we just keep playing football, please?
- Nell Bedworth: [inhabited by Woody] Sure, as long as you keep my dick out of your butt.
- Nell Bedworth: [First time sitting on a toilet while in Woody's body] Gross! I have to touch it? Ooooo!