1. He's got the gig you always wanted.
2. He won the Lou Reed look-alike contest and you only took second place.
3. Two words: "Free oysters".
4. No one has the right to be in that kinda shape with a 3-pack-a-day habit and a well-documented history of substance abuse...I mean NO ONE!! You eat organic bean sprouts and never bought a carton of Marlboros in your life, and you still look like Sydney Greenstreet anyway.
5. Anyone who can properly pronounce the word "geoduck" probably also knows how to correctly enunciate the word "nuclear" and, as such, deserves your immediate enmity. (NOTE-- If you are currently serving as President of the United States, move this reason to #1 on your list).
6. He gets to say words like f**k and m**herf***er and s**t on national TV and has his mouth washed out with primo vodka, 30-year old single malt scotch and absinthe. Your mom used Lava soap on you.
7. His advance team finds the coolest underground joints in the world while you're Mapquesting the local Applebee's.
8. He gets to do the funniest show on TV and doesn't have to worry about the "Seinfeld curse" since Jason Alexander still has not appeared as a guest on the show.
9. His new movie stinks...Oh..I'm sorry...that's the other "No Reservations".
10. Three words: "More free oysters".
Easily the coolest travel and/or food show you'll ever see. And for all the badass showmanship, the gooey caramel center of "No Reservations" is Bourdain's subliminal message that our world ain't a sandwich...it's a banquet.
