Hack!

A group of students go to an island to study biology, although they all seem to like discussing horror films and almost no one wants to actually do their work. Drugs and sex are rampant, and the island's residents are a bit odd. Not "odd" in a weird way so much as eccentric, so the students go along with it. Then someone decides to kill the kids... and suspicions fall on one after another suspect.

Danica McKellar stars in this film as teacher's assistant Emily Longley. When the movie began and Danica entered the screen, I was smitten: I knew I had found possibly the most beautiful woman in movies (aside from my all-time favorites of Mandy Moore and Christina Ricci). So I looked her up and was shocked -- this was Winnie Cooper from "The Wonder Years" (who was never "hot" by any means, even though I think many kids had a crush on her for some reason). So, my point is: McKellar as the shy, bespectacled teacher's aide... priceless.

From there on out, I can understand why this film is generally considered pretty lackluster. It has a cheese factor somewhere between Gouda and Camembert. The movie rips off other horror films -- many character names are horror-based (Argento, Carpenter, etc.) and there's countless references (the boat being named Orca after the "we're going to need a bigger boat" line was awesome). If you don't love horror, these jokes are not funny... and even if you do, it might take a special kind of humor (the film is called "Hack" -- lighten up!).

Treat the movie like a game, and see how many references and rip-offs you can catch. Some are obvious (they directly mention a variety of films, including the Billy Zane classic "Dead Calm") and others not so much. I guarantee you I missed some of the references -- now I have to watch it again, and I gladly would.

Horror fans will also like the nudity (it's limited but it's here) and the blood. We got chainsaws, piranhas, sharp blades and even a scene with samurai or something (a reference I definitely missed). I can't wait to see it again so I can write a better review... oh yeah, Kane Hodder shows up briefly, too, and William Forsythe is a weird Scottish groundskeeper. Just watch this!!!

No, it's definitely a B-movie, but it has a few things going for it. First, it has decent production values and an acceptable look. This is not some film school project or extra-low budget screamer. Second, the plot, while rickety, is serviceable. Third, the acting (with the exception of two of the main characters) is really not bad. It's not great, but it's not the amateurish stuff that shows up in so many direct-to-video features nowadays. Fourth, the gore level (and nudity) is acceptably high.

The biggest problem with this film is a combination of the script and the direction. You just never feel like any of the characters could be real people. This is especially true of the college students. (As an aside, I might mention that I'm a cranky old guy who thinks that young whippersnappers have things too good and are being coddled to the point of absurdity. But it seems like whoever makes movies like this one thinks that all college students are complete and total sociopaths. In just about every movie I've seen recently that deals with college students, they are all just complete and total jerks. I'm beginning to feel sorry for them.) Anyway, it's hard to identify with the students/victims and that makes it difficult to get emotionally involved with their fear. Everybody in the film is just plastic.

Overall, though, watching this film is not a COMPLETELY terrible way to spend your time.

This movie its not good nor bad! Its stuck in between! The only good things in here I think it was the killings...it had some good quality scenes for a Low Budget film! But that is...there's nothing more! The dialogs are cheesy...some are boring...some are not...some are average! Watch it if u have nothing to do and ure bored...or just if u wanna spent some time in front of ure TV! Oh...and I forgot...the twist was kinda good! :) I don't know if I was very bored or it was very underground...but when the twist came up I was kinda shocked! I always use kinda cause its I didn't feel disappointed by this but I didn't feel satisfied neither! Like I said...its stuck in between!

Some things, despite being good, should never have happened: N.W.A. caused the creative hip-hop of the 80s to be buried underneath hordes of unpleasant gangsta rappers; Disney-Pixar's magical films have replaced the charm of hand-drawn animation with sterile CGI; postmodern horror classic Scream launched a thousand dull horror films that thought they were clever. Which brings me to Hack!, a film that very much follows Scream's template, with a touch of (underdeveloped) reality TV satire. Seven students and their teacher come to an island for a biology project; soon, of course, they are being hacked apart. Hack! tries to freshen up its slasher clichés by introducing a snuff twist, but it adds nothing to the film other than some annoying shots through an old-fashioned, wind-up camera, while the way the film tempers its classical horror references (The Birds, Psycho, Texas Chainsaw Massacre) with more modern phenomena (Saw, cult TV series Desperate Housewives, reality show Survivor) feels like a desperate bid to be hip.

Technically, this film is a mess. Shots slip randomly in and out of focus: some are a few seconds long, some scenes continue far after their end; continuity seems to have been deliberately disregarded, the music seems to be totally unrelated to what is happening on the film (I believe if you listen to your favourite album while you watch, a la Dark Side of the Rainbow, it will match up better); in one scene, it is so clear stock footage is being used that you feel a bit embarrassed.

The script fares no better: moronic characters spout film references with such unsubtlety that every gentle nod is a headbutt, every playful nudge an elbow in the ribs. The acting is appallingly inane (other than the always-lovely Danica McKellar's turn as Emily) and plot holes gape at you at every moment: characters act with no motivation, every boy and girl couple up despite having nothing in common. In spite of all its flaws, however, there is something likable about Hack!. I can't for the life of me place what it is, but it's there. This is a film, bless it, that really tries hard, but it ultimately fails. It fails because it wallows in its own stupidity while trying to be all clever-clever with the audience, it fails because it believes that pointing out that it is full of clichés prevents the clichés from being boring, and it fails because its constant self-referentiality soon becomes a drag. People, it's been eleven years since Scream; surely it's time for a new horror bandwagon?

In the end, while I would sincerely like to declare this film a cult classic, I cannot possibly score it in the upper half of scores - so it gets a 4, the highest score a bad film can get.

Hack! is a story of 7 High School kids who are invited to an island as part of their biological studies but end up getting killed, one by one. This is a deliberately clichéd film with its tongue planted firmly in cheek, a fun take on horror movies, in particular slashers, torture porn and even J-Horror. The students, who are played by actors in their 30's, are as stereotypical as you get - the jock, the sultry slut, rock chick, geeky need, gay Asian guy, the token black guy and the handsome hero. The acting is decent and the cast includes horror legend Kane Hodder and Burt Young, though only in minor roles. The film has plenty of effective gore and a high enough body count, to ensure things never get boring. Aside from a period of bad sound and obvious day for night scenes the production is pretty good. I picked up my copy on DVD and as a horror fan I enjoyed this, genre movies being name checked throughout, including characters with surnames King, Argento and Shelley. Not as silly as the Scary Movie series but still very much a comedy, the sort of film that goes well with a few alcoholic beverages.