La technique du Chinois

Flattering comparisons have been made between this holiday 2005 special effects bundle and Steve Chow's seminal Journey to the West rendition of the Monkey King legend, a film now over ten years old. While some similarity does come to pass, the awkwardly-titled newer film has more to do with stuff from the first half of this decade, namely goofball comedies like The Lion Roars and Himalaya Singh. And when we tell you that Tall Story's not even as accomplished as those, that should be enough to seal its fate and consign the thing to that dubious realm of half-baked movie projects hovering somewhere between the recycle and bargain bins.

Not wanting to be harsh, really, but how can we possibly gloss over a meager story that's clearly never intended to become anything remotely attractive, instead playing distant runner-up to visual stimulants that, quite frankly, not only seem like true lifts out of Tsui Hark's Legend of Zu (2001), but also add nothing to the pantheon of video bonanzas when considering much older fare, to wit Storm Riders (yes, some eight years ago if memory serves us right).

Indeed, Tall Story compiles various components in a feeble attempt to sway audiences, but sadly possesses nary a bona fide element worthy of acclaim, save perhaps for the surprising amount of gore evident throughout. Considering its kid-friendly rating, one must surely feel satisfied with the producers' decision to go ahead and include several instances of such sheer carnage.

The main issue with Jeff Lau's latest project is that, unlike his own heartfelt but humorous Chinese Odyssey 2002, Tall Story plays out a connect-the-dots scenario, thus leaving folks with almost no tangible merits to cling on to. And with its focus on effects not coming up roses due to their rather formulaic execution, the movie perhaps could have hoped for increased reliance on a strong cast. Alas, it has none.

Nicholas Tse flies in from leftfield in his second release of the season, hot on the heels of also-ran, likewise-failed The Promise. Here reformed rebel Tse plays naughty Buddhist monk Tripitaka, on a pilgrimage to hallowed city Shache, which turns out to be yet another stereotypical portrayal of what moviegoers in China today are supposed to expect India to look like. Thus, the place comes nestled around some hills and you get people dancing in the streets to the merry tune of off-screen snake tamers. Whoa, as Neo would probably have quipped.

Tirpitaka's in town with his apostles, or hangers-on, questing to obtain ancient knowledge on their way to nirvana. The three stooges accompanying him (Steven Cheung, Chen Bo Lin and Kenny Kwan) could have passed for the Monkey King's posse were they actually good for anything, but as the picture stands all receive very little play and produce next to no effect.

Later monk and holy city come under attack from nefarious evil forces known as the Tree Spirits, although they don't mind being called Insomnia, 'cause that's the baddie from Legend of Zu, their obvious source of "inspiration". At least these mean, ugly bastards look passable on screen, more than can be said for much of the film's video contingent.

Literally shot out of harm's way, Tripitaka falls into the custody of a deviant clan of reprobate imps, especially assigned caretaker Meiyan, who's under orders from her mom to eat the pilgrim for his fountain of youth-like flesh. Meiyan's cavewoman visage should be enough to send anyone packing, and we're meant to observe her as the embodiment of everything repulsive (played by Charlene Choi of Twins, and hey, we're not saying anything). Naturally, as the would-be plot progresses, that turns out to be quite misleading.

Mostly, the bulk of this story revolves around Tripitaka and the nasty, devilish imps as they try to subvert him away from righteousness. This leads to numerous gags and routines that truly arrive at scant funny conclusions. Even likable Isabella Leung (Bug Me Not) makes no difference at all.

Other influences on the story include a spacefaring, aristocratic beauty (Fan Bingbing) who returns to earth in order to combat the overzealous Tree Spirits with her armada of googley-eyed Ultraman clones. Again, these guys do look OK, and also serve to garnish Tall Story with its much-vaunted SF categorization, something most genre-purists, understandably enough, have been balking (and hurling) at.

Additionally, we witness one slightly courageous scene where Tripitaka, a prettified Meiyan (now looking like Charlene Choi minus the heavy makeup, and hey, we're still not saying anything) plus everyone else takes on the Yellow Emperor himself. On the off-chance Lau wants us to deem it as some sort of sly political comment, well, all the more power to him, but it remains highly doubtful.

That about sums up the extent of A Chinese Tall Story, and here's hoping the next one soars taller. It's too bad the last big HK release of the year doesn't deliver on its promises of action, laughs, frights and CG superlatives. With a bland, often dragging, storyline, characters that don't really go anywhere and sights of a distinctly average persuasion, we can't honestly issue a recommendation, and it doesn't matter if the folks involved in this project wanted it to come out right and gave their best.

And shouldn't it have been a tall tale, anyway? Rating * * 1/2

First there was Tsui Hark's Zu Warriors (2001), which is visually ground-breaking, but much lacking in the acting and writing departments, now this movie, which is visually almost as good as Zu (though no longer ground-breaking), but is even worse in the acting and writing departments. It's really sad that there seems to be an almost complete lack of acting and writing talents in the HK movie industry. I guess you need to understand Cantonese to understand how bad and vulgar the dialogs in the movie really are. It's like some delinquent kids talking in the street, it's that bad. To make it worse, the actors and actresses themselves look like delinquent kids, and can't act even if their life depend on it. I understand that this movie is supposed to be a comedy aimed at the younger generation in HK, but has HK youths really become so brain-dead that they can't appreciate anything but such juvenile and vulgar acting/writing? If that's the case, it makes me ashamed to be from HK.

I wish HK movie makers will learn some lessons from directors like Zhang Yi-Mou or Ang Lee, and finally make a movie that's both visually stunning as well as competent and mature in the acting and writing departments. And stop using young singers/idols/heartthrobs as actors because they can't act however many fans they may have in HK!

are you crazy or what? this movie has talent who are you to criticize a movie that was made by famous directors and producers? i mean you must be watching some crappy version because if you had a proper version you wouldn't think its some low resolution game graphics..

this movie is for people who enjoy hongkong cinema the other side to what Asian people enjoy watching.. you are such a sellout.. hongkong cinema is totally different to that of Hollywood, hk cinema is in a class of its own...

so if you don't enjoy watching movies from hongkong producers don't go and ramble on about how its a waste of time to watch.. just let other people enjoy the movie..

and personally I've seen this movie and i love its story and the way it was made..

Is this a game FMV or a movie? In all honesty, I watched this one out of "choice-less-ness". It is a very big waste of time and money.

It seems HK movies are heading in the opposite direction of the rest of the world.

Try to put more effort and money into a production and make us want to watch, rather than something you want us to watch.

The graphics are so horrible than they looked like something out of the early to mid-90s low resolution games (in comparison to today's).

The way they made this movie is almost exactly what they did in the 90s' Wing Commander game, namely the third installment of the series. Stop regressing and make us Asian look so bad at this compared to the big guns in Hollywood.

Sure! They have big budgets and better actors. But we have some of the oldest histories, the myths and the legends, the best technophiles and possibly the largest computer graphic talent base in the world! So what went so very very wrong? Did you start using the same old companies that have been working with you for so many films?! Please stop wasting our time and money. This is the reason why HK movies are heading downhill so rapidly. Didn't you claim to be the Hollywood of the Orient? Guess not.

Lovely sets,spectacular action choreography and costumes