The Slaughterhouse Massacre

A group of guys and girls check out an old murder scene in an abandoned animal slaughterhouse. Bet you don't know what will happen next, well unless you have even a minimal amount of slasher film knowledge. Lazy, derivative, cheap, bland, and worst of all boring, this pathetic film brings absolutely nothing new, or watchable, to the table. Terrible acting, pathetic special effects,It's not even worth the bandwidth I used up watching this horrid swill on Netflix and I feel really bad for those that actually shelled out money to watch it. Even the nudity that front loaded the beginning of the movie could save this one from the trash pile.

First of all I had a really hard time giving this video a rating of one. Since there were no zero's I will have to suffer. Secondly, thanks to Lions Gate I have officially wasted good hard earned dough and 90 minutes out of my life. I wasn't going to dignify this film with a review at all, until I noticed their GLORIOUS CLAIM on the DVD box cover "More frightening than The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" - "Independent Film Quarterly."

Now, I'm not sure who it was over there at IFQ or should I say "Lions Gate Affiliate"... But the critic should be "independently" drawn and "quartered" for the cash exchanging hands in that deal. Although, I can say that the critic might be right in one respect. I was very frightening that anyone picked this film up for distribution and had the brass to put it on a rental shelf. I can forgive the bad acting, the bad effects, the bad sound and the over all bad direction of the film. After all it is a slasher film.

I was a little lost at times in the story though, not because there was no real story to begin with. But, because they show a couple of the same shots over and over again throughout the film. So, I wasn't sure if my DVD player was having a fit because of the crap I put in it. Words to the filmmakers... Shoot coverage. I don't know might help in the future.

As for our Marty Sickle, I've been more frightened of the Telletubbies than I was of the comical sickle wielding Marty who was more annoying than scary. At least I can sort of understand what the telletubbies are saying. The effects in this film look like they were done on a second-generation etch-a-sketch. Eighty percent of this cast was pulled from the local strip club and the nudity and sex scenes were over the top and completely out of place in the story. At times I felt I was watching a really, really, really bad porn rather than just a really, really, really bad slasher film. At least get hot chicks if your going to go that route guys.

The audio in this picture is so terrible from bad mix levels that sixty-five percent of this video is completely inaudible. The acting was more than atrocious and the chase scenes in the slaughterhouse were comical to say the least, with four bumbling idiots running in circles from a corny run of the mill bad acting killer with... guess what?.... a sickle. Boy, the writer on this film must have felt so profound when he was pitching this. Oh wait, he must be profound. He wrote, directed, starred, and was a full time fluff girl on the set. I will however, say that the fake stuffed rat in the picture did a great job. I smell Oscar.

If you want to see scary, go into your kitchen, get out a dull butter knife and slit your own wrists with it. It's exactly what I wanted to do during this film. Congrats to the filmmakers and Lions Gate, you have added to the piles of crap the rest of us have to weed through to watch decent movies.

Hey, at least the DVD I returned to the rental shelves is now so scratched maybe they will just toss it... AVOID this film at all cost's.

P.S. Note to filmmaker. Never put a fake claim on a DVD box cover. It just sets yourself up for bad comments.

Low-budget films have always been a mixed bunch, ranging from the surprisingly good (Evil Dead) to the amazingly awful (too...many...to...count). This entry along with many of it's modern brethren seem to exist somewhere near the bottom or even outside of the low-budget mythos; truly micro-budget films of disastrously poor quality. Someone make the bad man stop.

Stupid drunken youths get the idea that it would be fun to sneak into an abandoned slaughter house for some pranks, even though it's something like 30 miles from the party. The get in, an vengeful creature shows up, they die, blah blah blah...

Already you should know that the story is not a strong suit, or any of the writing for that matter. The dialogue is stilted, characters clique, scenarios are dumb; the even introduce characters that either vanish quickly or have no real bearing on the plot.

Not that it matters, as the actors are so bad no amount of writing genius could have pulled it through. Save for the fact that they are generally an attractive collection of youths there is nothing worth mentioning about them.

Production values are no better. A lame re-usage of sets is among the first things one will notice, but other things will follow. Like the bad lighting or maybe the laughable gore effects. How about the sloppy editing or the cheesy physical action in the murders. On and on it goes...

So why a 2 rating after all the bashing I've done? Well, I am a mortal male and the fare serving of nudity early in the film along with a raunchy (for an R-rated film) sex scene provided just that amount of entertainment.

In short, don't watch it.

2/10

Please I want the 90mins of my life back!!!!This is probably the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life. I felt violated just watching the movie. If I will make a list of what went wrong with this movie it will probably take me a week, so i'll just state the obvious ones. Actors who doesn't have a clue about acting,awful!!!awful!!! effects and props used, a story line that jumps from A to Z then to C... sex scenes which are completely unrelated to the story.

This was an independent movie so I would have expected the poor lighting and the bad direction..but having a good plot and good actors could have been its saving grace.

Seriously to those who are planning to watch this movie.. I beg of you.. save yourself the agony.

There are a whole lot better things to spend your money on and this should not be one of them.This is about as bad as it gets. Everything was horrible: music,acting,villain,"legend".The only good thing were the hot girls in the movie and some T&A, thats it. This film is full of dumb clichés and and cheesy lines. The villain looked like some small pox carrying bum. Way too many things were wrong with this movie and I don't know of anyone who would actually like this movie.Video stores should ban this movie from their selections and just burn whatever copies are left in this world.It should have never seen the light of day.