Lady Street Fighter

Long after his movie career had dried up, Jody McCrea appeared in thsi direct-to-video opus, directed by James Bryan. The plot is a little obscure, but it seems to involve Renee Harmon (who also appeared in several Al Adamson movies) running around Brutalist architecture in Los Angeles, sucking on celery stalks, shooting at and being shot at by members of an assassin's organization which, as one character explains to another who already knows, has tens of thousands of members.

It seems to have been shot around 1975 and is a fine example of utter ineptness, given that the uncredited director of photography didn't bother to match light levels in the same scene even approximately, and the uncredited writer of the score seems to have used Morricone's theme for THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY, but played it on a synthesizer. Except for one Black woman, none of the performers seem to be able to give a line reading that makes sense.

On the plus side, Miss Harmon does show that it isn't easy to run in heels and there are several topless women.

A few movies are poor enough to be entertaining in their awfulness. This one doesn't even achieve that. the credits show that Miss Harmon is the producer. I guess she thought she was ready for the spotlight and willing to spend someone's money to prove it. She was wrong.

The plot is about Lady Street Fighter maybe trying to figure out what happened to her sister? And some crooks trying to recover a cassette tape of their misdeeds in a stuffed animal she has. She also has a romance with an FBI agent among some fighting of what I think is kung-fu that somehow gets worse as it goes on. She gets tangled in webs of lies, 70s sleazy cats, assassins from Assassins Inc and sleazy dives. It's baffling, but it suits it, as does its conclusion.

Just about everything short of the music and restoration is bad. To start somewhere, I don't know if this is "acting" or not. A lot of the actors are just saying their lines, as if they're reading from a script that only they can see; devoid of emotion, heart and life itself, even in moments of mortal peril. I'm not one that notices bad acting from half-competent acting but this is just so bad, past the point of cheese that exploitation movies should have. Especially this one guy, I think he was the FBI agent, but his delivery is so awful. I was begging for him to stop talking. He stood out, among thick accents, sleazy 70s Bee Gees gangsters, hookers and drunken stoned togas.

I almost forgot to mention a comical stealthy, sneaky guy sneaking into Lady Street Fighter's room to steal the previously mentioned stuffed animal. He could hear the shower but didn't look into the bathroom at all where she saw him sneaking around. Sneakily.

Apparently this movie was lost for a long time until being recently rediscovered. After watching it, it's clear why apparently nobody was keeping a close eye on it. While it isn't the worst movie I have seen, it is all the same a really amateurish effort in every department you can think of. The story makes absolutely no sense, almost as if it was being made up as the shoot was going on. The production values are rock bottom. The acting is pretty pitiful as well. Still, I will admit that there are a few small pleasures to be found here. A few action sequences, as crude as they are directed, do contain a little zip. And there are some touches of unintentional humor that are genuinely hilarious, from some really dopey dialogue to music that rips off Ennio Morricone's music for the movie "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly". But most of the movie is a really confusing slog to sit through, so I don't think it's worth watching the whole package just to get a few tiny nuggets of entertaining material. Why Turner Classic Movies thought this crudely made obscurity was worth broadcasting on their network, I cannot say.

Don't go into this one with visions of Sue Shihomi kicking in your head. This is a lame 70s action flick from James Bryan of DON'T GO IN THE WOODS infamy. Linda (Renee Harmon) arrives in Las Vegas and is immediately attacked by some thugs. She is searching for some list on microfilm that involves a pimp and everyone wants to kill her. Seriously, that is all I could make out of this film's plot. It runs a scant 76 minutes, but I often found myself thinking, "What is going on?" Harmon - looking like a low rent Chesty Morgan - has zee zickest Cher-man ackzent so at least her dialog delivery is entertaining. Oh, and she does throw some wild karate kicks, licks a phone, sucks on a celery stalk, and gets nude. Naturally, a film this bad demands I immediately dive into the rest of Bryan's work.

At one point, the main character says 'what's going on? I don't understand.' All the audience can say to that is 'me too gurl, me too.' Poorly scripted, poorly acted, poorly edited, poorly choreographed fight scenes.