Triads, Yardies & Onion Bhajees!

STAR RATING: ***** Saturday Night **** Friday Night *** Friday Morning ** Sunday Night * Monday Morning

Set in the multi-cultural London criminal underworld, Mad Dave (Dave Courtney) arranges a meeting with some members of the Asian 'Holy Smokes' gang, to mastermind a robbery at Heathrow Airport, behind the back of their leader Chacha (Jass Bassi.) Everything, apart from a security guard being killed, goes to plan...but the two more reckless members of the group are also caught up in a plan to distribute cocaine in onion bahjees, that has resulted in the death of the brother of Billy Chan (Peter Peralta), the leader of the Triads, who, of course, wants revenge, leaving Jaz (Ashwin Kumar Joshi), the level headed member of the group, in a difficult situation. Chacha's right hand man, Singh (Manish Patel, also directing), comes looking for answers, when Jaz's lover, the sister of the leader of the Yardies, gets caught up in it all.

This, somewhat low budget, film, has the look of a student production all over it (though what was to be gained from filming it in grainy black and white remains unknown!) I've only just found out how long it's been held back for, which should give some indication of how people wanted it brushed under the carpet. It's an ambitious looking project, aiming for a mix of hard hitting slice of gangster life and more light hearted stuff. Sadly, all the constraints stop it reaching it's full potential, a shame since director/star Patel could go on to greater things if he got the right people behind him. **

At long last I get to review one of my favourite films of recent years. I got to see this while a student in Leicester in an art-house cinema. Triads, Yardies... blows away every stereotype concerning the British Asian community. The film belongs to newcomer Manish Patel (Singh) who literally steals the show as well as the cash and the girl (in the story!). Very few actors achieve cult status in their debut films but it appears that Patel has done this by the bucket load. Getting Dave Courtney (Mad Dave) to portray the head of the English mob was an inspired move. Remember, Guy Ritchie had earmarked this actor for the roles Vinnie Jones played in Lock, Stock... and Snatch. The fact this film is based on a very real four way gang war between the Indians, Chinese, Jamaicans and the English mobs for control of London's cocaine trade is a secondary story line. The main story arc is about a hit-man's (Patel) love for a woman and the heist of ten million dollars from Heathrow Airport. It is a shame this film was only screened at art-house cinemas as it would have made some serious cash at the multiplexes.

I have absolutely no doubt that this is the single worst film I've ever seen in my entire life.

Where to being on whats wrong with it, firstly don't believe the DVD case as this film isn't actually in colour, its actually in black and white. This doesn't actually add anything to the film and has no reason to be in B&W as the films not set in the past or anything.

The story is basically about loads of gangsters trying to do mundane gangster things. The story's very hard to follow and because of the absolutely abysmal acting you can't take anything happening seriously.

The movie is horrifically boring, badly shot and has one of the worst, most nonsensical endings in film history.

And finally I have to just say that on the front of the DVD case where the film gets good reviews and one reviewer even compares the film to lock stock, you should notice that this review is from the BBC... the people that made the film.

Wow how bad? very bad. The whole thing looks like it was shot on a 1990's hand held camcorder from Argos. I can only image they had colour temperature issues (tungsten/daylight) so switch to b&w problem solved. It adds nothing to the film. The Acting is well awful very forced which combined with the bad editing that exaggerates the bad acting. Again the editing some scenes seem like the whole disappearing rabbit trick, actors suddenly appearing. I read the bad reviews but have waited years to see it. The fact it was "banned" gives it some creditability until you realise it was probably banned for being crap. The violence is laughable if anyone seriously thinks this is what is secretly happening behind the closed doors of London then you must be very stupid. Yardies scene WTF. Its just terrible. Still got another 30 minutes to go, time to go in the bin. Save yourself and your time. To many great British gangster movies just this is not one of them.

poor acting and really bad quality of image ,and i was so bored i have to say, the cover of this DVD made me to buy it ,and i understand its a really low budget the film and that it was shot very fast ,anyway to compare this film at lock stock its really A joke , yes the plot and idea was great and had great potential especially with some of those location who look great,,but they chose really bad actor and was not engaging at all ,,its pity i had great expectation with this film ,,and i can only tell i have to give them 10 out of 10 for the marketing and the cover of their DVD will sell a lot of DVD on hmw ..but it was a waste of my money buying this bad film ,