Dead Clowns

This movie was terrible.

Now, I'm a cheesy horror fan as much as the next person, and I can certainly appreciate a good low-budget gore-fest. But this movie? Low-budget: yes. Gory? Hardly.

I have never been so utterly bored in my life waiting for something to happen. After looooooong and beyond pointless shots of stock-footage hurricanes, looooooong and beyond pointless shots of random people walking slowly around looking at things like they've never seen them before... ("wow.... I'm in my house but... this wall... it's just... fascinating... I'm going to.... stroll past it... and stare... wow..."), and some kid snorting sugar -er- cocaine, the movie finally did something interesting.

No, wait, that was just me hitting the forward search button in an effort to get to this gore I was promised. Well, I want my 30 minutes back. Terrible, terrible effects. Stupid rubber masks, bad fake blood, HORRIBLE acting (and yes, I realize with a crappy indie horror, that's to be expected, but the acting in this garbage was utterly atrocious on EVERYONE'S part except for Brinke Stevens. She was relatively convincing, especially compared to the rest of the drivel she was put up beside), bad bad bad sound, and just, GAH. It was so frickin' bad. I had to turn it off because my head was getting ready to explode from the lame crap I was seeing.

Thank the gods I did not pay for this crap. Even so, I think I am owed compensation for putting myself through even part of this. Yeah, that's right. That moron should be paying people to watch this.

And even then, I would have trouble agreeing.

Jesus Freak ME Christ.. How freakin gay can you get? I mean really.. This other a-hole wrote on here that this film was "GREAT FOR THE BUDGET HE HAD!!" what was the freakin budget, $1.50?!? Seeing my grandma naked in the shower is more terrifying than this piece of poop. Anyone who has a problem with what I just said, or whoever wants to question my criticism, go buy a bag full of male genetalia, eat them, then choke and die. Don't freakin watch this malarkey it sucks. And the one star I gave, this freakin piece of dookie doesn't even deserve it. I just put that because there was nothing lower. Screw this movie, IN THE BUNG HOLE! Now I have to pretend to write more freakin text about this movie.. but it sucks. There's not enough gayness in the world to be able to describe this stupid freakin movie in 10 lines. Except the fact that I'm seriously thinking of suing the people that made this movie for mental anguish. THIS SUCKED! BOO!

Stay away from this movie. The filmmakers don't know the first thing about creating suspense or fright. Why wouldn't you have the actors scream? They're being attacked by zombie clowns, for frick's sake! One guy wouldn't even scream as his arm was being sawed off. Maybe the actor knew how horrid the movie was right from the get-go. The pacing is ludicrously slow and plodding. No one is going to be scared by this or even find this entertaining. I love my zombie movies and was looking forward to this as the mythology of it seemed amazing. Clowns left to die under water. Very cool. But it's this script should've been left there. That would've been cooler.

I know I gave this 1 out of ten but that's only because I couldn't find the -36 on the scale.

I'm a big zombie/horror movie fan. Not a huge buff... not obsessed... but I thoroughly enjoy the violence, blood, gore, death scenes, screams, etc. Demented much? Anyway, so I was checking out the horror movie On Demand list and we chose Dead Clowns. Read the little description, thought it would be corny as hell, but fun to watch... like most horror movies now-a-days. I'm sipping a beer and my two year old daughter isn't even scared of this movie. It's just laughable. If the actors were half-way convincing it would have been so much better. Even tolerable. And the Security Guard at the movie theater? Come on, man. If that little "Emo" douche bag can't lift a fifty pound board off of his body, why the hell is he allowed to go into the theater alone at night to make sure everyone is out of there and lock up the place? He snorts sugar for god's sake. At least the clown did him a favor and cut his arm for him. Hahaha. I just wish the clown could have crawled through my t.v. and cut out my eyeballs.

This is one of the worst wastes of time I've ever sat through. Having said that, there's a place for movies like this. My daughter (18 at the time) and a bunch of friends brought this over to watch. The best part of the whole experience was the cracks I and others got to make about how bad it was. If every trying to win a "who can bring the worst movie" contest....this is your blue ribbon.

Best way I described the acting: "Ok, I'm guessing the guy directing this had to offer this woman a part at 3:00 a.m. in his Dead Clowns movie to get laid that night". That's my guess on much of how the casting and acting was done.

I never write reviews or take time for this stuff....but this deserved it. I was looking up "Dead Clowns" to remind my daughter of it when I saw the new trailer to "IT" by Steven King coming out this year.