Flesh Freaks

And I thought some of my low-budget B-movies were bad...

Flesh Freaks is easily one of the worst movies I've ever seen. The plot is simple - zombies invade a university after an archaeological dig brings back some type of parasite that turns people into zombies.

The main problem I had with this film is the very poor quality. It is appears to be filmed by a regular hand-held digital camcorder you can purchase at Walmart. Seriously, much of the footage shot for this film looks like someone's vacation video, with pointless and lengthy shots of sunsets, shorelines, jungle, and insects. The cameraman also was too jerky and moved the camera too much, which constantly reminded me throughout the movie just how amateur this movie is. The sound quality is equivalent to any hand-held camcorder - crappy.

The only good point I can say about this movie is the makeup is pretty good. The makeup artist did a great job with the zombies, and the zombie masks were pretty good for the quality of the rest of the film. Also, lots of blood.

Negative points about the movie: 1. Too long. Lots of unnecessary footage of wilderness, shorelines, etc.

2. Half of the movie was shot on location at a university (Christmas break?). This film appears to have been shot by film college students on location.

3. Absolutely no skin. Zip. Nada. No nudity.

Think twice about buying this movie. Or even renting it. It probably appeals to only those involved in filming it or acting in it. Really, the whole thing looks to be someone's pet project in a film class. Avoid this movie at all costs. Before you watch this dreadfully tiring movie, watch something remotely entertaining, like Lawrence Welk or Andy Griffith.

This is the most amateurish and boring (so-called) "horror" movie I've ever had the misfortune of seeing. I watched the first 30 minutes and could hardly stay awake (at 5 PM), then I couldn't stand any more. This is a movie that manages to make archeology in Central America look even more boring than it actually is. The (non-existent) "plot" concerns a group of archeologists in the Belize rainforest, supposedly excavating artifacts from an ancient Mayan temple. They're attacked by a "zombie" who looks like a young Canadian filmmaker with black paint on his face. That's probably because it is in fact a young Canadian filmmaker with black paint on his face... The movie is shot with horrible sound and shaky hand-held video, in a documentary style with realistic (i.e. very boring) dialogue. Most of the movie is an annoying, monotonous, droning voice-over by the one guy who managed to survive the murderous "zombie". The script is truly awful, with lines like "There was also an ancient well, its purpose long since forgotten". OK, excuse me, but isn't the purpose of a well usually the storage of water? I mean, did anyone actually think about reading this script through once it was written? It seems as if someone wrote the whole movie one night, probably after drinking several beers, and then decided with his friend to go to the travel agency the next day and buy two tickets to Belize, because he had a friend there who was an archeology student and would let them stay there for a couple of weeks.

I've honestly never seen a worse movie than this. Its only value is to show you what not to do if you're a young independent filmmaker. It was apparently made in Canada. It makes a Canadian university and the jungles of Belize look like the two most boring places on earth. All of the characters speak in monotonous droning voices and it's clear they're all consciously trying to remember their lines as they deliver them. They blew the entire budget for shooting the movie on the plane tickets which took them to the Central American jungle. (I don't know if it's Belize or not.) The most interesting shots in the movie are of an ant carrying a leaf and some birds, lizards and monkeys in the forest. There are absolutely no special effects at all, the gore is extremely fake and only seen for a few seconds in the entire movie, the constantly shaking camera is really hard on the eyes, and the makeup and costumes are non-existent. The "zombie" is a guy wearing ordinary clothes (jeans and a shirt, not even ragged!) with some black grease smeared on his face. It's quite obvious that he is a healthy young guy. Don't waste your time with this embarrassingly awful Canadian student movie. Some film students are definitely majoring in the wrong subject...

One of those low-budget cheapies that seem to be so popular in the States and the kind of title that you may just pass by now matter how grisly the sleeve is. However, Flesh Freaks is not an average clinker and is an entertaining exercise in well-executed splatter. For blood-hounds we have skull impalements , scalpel slashings, ripped out organs, scissor stabbings, crowbars, machetes, eyes pushed out, etc., a hefty mix I'm sure you will agree. The zombies themselves are a mixture of make-up and rather cool puppetry which is quite effectively blended but a little too hidden for my eyes by overly dark videography. However, there is a cracking shot of zombies staggering down a corridor that is very reminiscent of Fulci's The Beyond and gives new meaning to the term "lights out"! I was also impressed by the closing shots of parasites bursting from zombiefied heads which was very atmospheric. Conall Pendergast not only directs but is also credited as the writer, editor, co-spfx artist and co-producer - a definite talent to watch as they say.

That's how I felt about midday through Flesh Freaks. A film that really reminds me of some of the weirdo low budget flicks of the 70's and early 80's.

This was a whim buy for me. I typically stick with the SOV films of the 80's, however the cover art was just too hilarious for me to turn down. Now here I am sitting down trying to find the right words to even begin to describe this film.

Saying this is micro budget might be a bit misleading. I am not sure if this film even had a budget! This is a late 90's SOV film made by a young filmmaker who followed his parents to Belize. There he decided to use the locale for a low budget horror film.

The plot is nearly incoherent. There are some zombies running around with machetes and rubber masks. There is some blood splatter. A lot of people talk in between scenes of that feature close ups of insects. Some of the scenes get outright psychedelic.

Honestly, a lot of this reminds me of an even lower end version of films like Oasis of the Zombies, Hell of the Living Dead, or Burial Ground, with a sprinkling of 70's psychedelia. The zombies are ridiculously decayed and crusty. What truly separates it is the films budget and the way it is edited. There is so much oddball padding, such as the scenes with insects, or just scenes with psychedelia, it makes the stock footage from movies like Hell of the Living Dead not feel so jarring.

This movie is out there.

Interesting thing is is that the film isn't written all that poorly. Or even really acted all that poorly. What bogs those elements down are poor sound and odd transitions. There are a number of occasions where someone is speaking and the scene shifts and the actors lines fade out before finishing.

I'm a really forgiving guy on movies like this. I actually have a pretty big heart for this sort of stuff. This one is, however, a bit of a rough go. Mostly in its first half. It does pick up a lot towards the end.

I'll hand it to the filmmakers for doing everything they could with virtually nothing aside from a setting. But the only people that are going to sit through a movie like this and try to find merit are people like me. I will be curious to see the filmmakers other work, such as the other film that came on the blu ray, Kill Them and Eat Them, along with various other short films. But I believe I will set my expectations at the level of this movie.

A couple of anthropologists talk endlessly about whether one saw a zombie or a terrorist while the most fake 'zombie" ever kills people in mundane ways. LOW budget home-made zombie film that doesn't do anything right, the acting's atrocious. The plot horrid. The camera work terrible. and no suspense. All this adds up to one of the worst ways you can spend an hour and a half. I feel dumber just having watched this moronic trash. Only serious maschocists need apply. Don't say I haven't warned you.

My Grade: F

DVD Extras: Director's commentary; Outtakes; 2 short films (Flicker and Satan's Psycho Ghoul); Preview Trailer; and Trailer for "Kill them and eat them"