- Ben Sheets: Tammy - I'm gay! I've already told you that!
- Tammy Sheets: Ben - I'll be gay too, and then that'll make it all right for us to get married again, huh?
- Ben Sheets: You are not making any sense!
- Tammy Sheets: Hey! I don't make sense? You don't make sense! I make sense, that's who makes sense!
- Mildread: Aren't you gonna give me my sugar?
- Arthur Sailes: Hehehe... NO! Hahahaha!
- Mildread: You better give me my sugar or I'll tell someone your boss on you.
- Arthur Sailes: Hehehe... BYE! Hehehe!
- Mildread: I'm telling on you, I'm telling! That oughta show him.
- Arthur Sailes: If we ever get into a war, and they draft my ass, first thing I am going to tell them is "If I am not good enough to get married in this country, then I sure as hell ain't dying for it!".
- Victor Sailes: Look at you! What are you? A gay man! You know what? I'm never gonna have any nieces or nephews! Ever! 'Cause you know what? You're so fucked up! You know that!
- Arthur Sailes: You... fuck! How dare you talk to your brother like that. You want nieces and nephews? Well, I got news for you, buddy. You don't even know how to be a brother! What kind of uncle do you think you'd make?
- Victor Sailes: I resent that!
- Arthur Sailes: You care more about some man named Jesus, that you never even met before, than your own family!
- Ben Sheets: We're leaving.
- Arthur Sailes: We're leaving.
- Ben Sheets: Let's go.
- Arthur Sailes: Let's go.
- Victor Sailes: I'm gonna pray for you, and I'm gonna pray for you!
- Arthur Sailes: We don't need prayed for. You need prayed for.
- Father Rabin: The congregation is concerned that your brother's homosexuality may rub off on their children and send their souls straight to hell.
- Victor Sailes: But Father, my brother has not been to church in ten years. What does it have to do with me?
- Father Rabin: It has to do with the fact that the members of the congregation don't want the brother of a gay man in here! They're afraid that you may hold some sort of karma or deep seated evil energy and - and - well, quite frankly, I'm gonna have to ask you to stop offering your services to this church.
- Victor Sailes: How -how dare you! I- I've given over $10,000 to this church! It's just as much a part of my heart as it is for yours, Father.
- Father Rabin: No. You gave that money freely, out of good Christian love. You cannot buy your way into heaven, and you can't buy yourself a place in this church! Victor, your brother is a demon - and we do not want the relative of a man who defies and desecrates God's holy word here! Now leave here at once!
- Victor Sailes: My brother is a homosexual. He's gonna be marrying a man. I need to find out what his next move is, and I need to stop this insanity.
- Ben Sheets: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you and blow up like that.
- Arthur Sailes: You did, Ben. You hurt me, you know that? You. Hurt me. And another thing I never told you. Do you remember the day we went to that restaurant to celebrate when you came out of the closet?
- Ben Sheets: Yeah.
- Arthur Sailes: What did you say?
- Ben Sheets: What're you talking about?
- Arthur Sailes: What did you say when I grabbed your hand and I kissed you on the cheek when we were walking out?
- Ben Sheets: I don't know.
- Arthur Sailes: You pulled your hand out of mine - you turned your head, and you said "Not here!"
- Ben Sheets: I never said that.
- Arthur Sailes: Oh, you did, Ben. You most certainly did. And my heart, my stomach - I mean, my liver, everything - it just fell right out onto the floor!
- Ben Sheets: Well, you know, if it bothered you so much, and you felt so strongly about it - why didn't you say something then?
- Arthur Sailes: And - and say what? "Why don't you come out of the closet?"
- Ben Sheets: I'm sorry.
- [shrugs]
- Ben Sheets: What am I supposed to say?
- Arthur Sailes: [scoffs] Well, you know, Ben, if I ever get killed, maybe you can take that insurance money and just go ahead and buy a hundred bikes!
- Ben Sheets: [punches Arthur in the face]
- Arthur Sailes: Ohhh...
- [falls]
- Priest: May I have the rings?
- Ben Sheets: [Both Ben and Arthur feel inside their coat pockets] I don't have the rings. Do you have the rings?
- Arthur Sailes: No, no. No, I don't have the rings.
- Priest: May I please have the rings?
- Arthur Sailes: Ah, geee...
- Ben Sheets: I don't have, I don't have a ring. Can we do this without a ring?
- Stan: So Arthur, when do you plan to have kids?
- Victor Sailes: I'm sure... as soon as Arthur gets a beautiful wife and children, that's when he'll have a nice family. Isn't that correct, Arthur?
- Arthur Sailes: Victor! What are you doing here? I didn't invite you in. What do you want?
- Victor Sailes: I - I'm here to save your soul.
- Arthur Sailes: My soul is just fine.
- Victor Sailes: Did you know that they threw me out of the church? Huh?
- Arthur Sailes: Well, probably because you're some crazy psychotic fuck.
- Ben Sheets: Arthur! Our bike is gone!
- Arthur Sailes: What? You locked it up, didn't you?
- Ben Sheets: I asked you to lock it up for me last time, remember?
- Arthur Sailes: Well - I thought I locked it up.
- Ben Sheets: [shouts] Damn it, Arthur! I need to know that I can count on you!
- Arthur Sailes: My heart, my stomach, I mean, my LIVER, everything... it just fell right out onto the floor!
- [first lines]
- Arthur Sailes: Hello?
- Ben Sheets: Arthur, did you find out yet?
- Arthur Sailes: No, I didn't find out. The TV just broke, I've been down here taking a nap.
- Ben Sheets: Forget the stupid TV! Try the radio, maybe it being broadcast over the radio.
- Arthur Sailes: Okay, let me get out of bed... All right... Hey Ben, I'm losing you, I think your cellphone is dying.
- Ben Sheets: Arthur? Arthur? Arthur, my battery is low, I'm losing you.
- Arthur Sailes: Hello? Hello?
- Radio: [Arthur turns on the radio] Today's latest news: it's been a long battle here in Hawaii, the public has long awaited the final decision of the court of Hawaii and the courts have voted yes. Homosexuals DO have a right to get married. Judge Kevin Chang's ruling has made history in this country.
- Tammy Sheets: Hey, I didn't force you to fucking marry me.
- Ben Sheets: I thought that it would change...
- Tammy Sheets: Oh shut the fuck up, I'm fucking getting out of here! Fuck you!
- Arthur Sailes: You know, I'm thinking about going back to college. I'm thinking about getting a degree in business.
- Ben Sheets: Really?
- Arthur Sailes: Yup. I'm thinking about opening up my own little porno shop.
- Ben Sheets: Well, no shit!
- [laughs]
- Ben Sheets: Well that's cool if that's what you want to do, it's good to have some goals.
- Arthur Sailes: You like some more?
- Customer: Yes please.
- Arthur Sailes: You okay?
- Ben Sheets: Yeah.
- Arthur Sailes: DO YOU WANT MORE?
- Mildread: Yes.
- Attorney: According to the legal documents I have here, it states that the proposition 22 is only a marriage between a man and a woman, and that will be recognized by California. However, what you two have is not a marriage but a civil union, which nonetheless is equivalent to that of a marriage. You still bear the rights that married couples do. So, the civil union license that you have from Vermont must be recognized here in California.
- Ben Sheets: So if it's law here, why do we have to go to court?
- Attorney: Because it's all a matter of values and principles that all gays deserve the same rights as anyone else.
- Arthur Sailes: What do you want?
- Mildread: There's been a break-in in the garage, and the manager asked me to tell her that...
- Arthur Sailes: Okay, thanks!
- [closes door]
- Arthur Sailes: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you and blow up like that.
- Ben Sheets: Well you did, Ben. You hurt me, you know? You. Hurt Me.
- Ben Sheets: [incorrectly referring to the lawyer as male] I know a great lawyer here in Beverly Hills. We can give him a call.