Parasite

I was expecting the lowest of the low, but it turns out that this movie has several things to recomment about it. Its atmosphere is effectively dark, the cast is adequate, it taps on some timely issues, and the creature in this movie is unique. People who like movies like this, hate it when the film makers muck it up, but these people do the genre justice.

PARASITE is one of those sci-fi/horror combos that shamelessly rips off ALIENS, showcasing that film's enduring popularity some two decades after its release. This one is set in the usual North Sea oil rig locale, with groups of workers and oil-protesting activists being forced to team up when they find themselves stalked by a mysterious creature which has joined them. This one features the usual plucky female heroine alongside a cliched cast of wooden actors, and an enemy which is perhaps wisely kept off screen throughout. It's entirely undistinguished as a thriller, with awful CGI helicopters and explosions; the best moments are directly copied from the ALIEN films, like the vent scenes.

Early on, one crew member finds that the untested cleaner to be dangerous. Or something. Then there's another scene of him being told about how a previous team member died. Then they return to the previous scene and he's still holding the document giving a warning but hides it so other team members won't find out. I'm not sure what was supposed to be there instead of the second scene and I'm no quantum physicist but I don't think him existing in two places was intentional since there's only one of him afterwards.

Since this horror movie takes place on an oil mining rig, we're subjected to dialogue about how mining oil is immoral and such. The company manager is a sleazy man who isn't bothered by letting employees die to cover up his experiments.

Boredom and frustration await anyone who watches this movie.

This movie was awful. I mean, let me add up all the bad things: bad acting, bad special effects, bad script, the clichéd 'girls losing all their clothes', improbable events, dumb characters. There was not one single redeeming quality about Parasite. Not one. I think my favorite part though were the explosions that were obviously fireworks. That has to be a new low. There's also the 'Let me rip off a piece of my already-very-short shirt to help hold off the monster!'. Apparently the director feels that women should be chosen for their roles based on how they look in tiny shirts rather than actual acting ability. Well, for that matter, the men couldn't act either. No one could act in this overly-processed joke of a movie. Avoid at all costs!!!!

From the opening scene, I knew this would be among the worst movies of all time. I was not disappointed, as the production values of segments made for high school television stations are much higher. With that said, the Sasha character is hot, and what can one expect- it's 3 AM and I'm watching the sci-fi channel. "I'm sorry I smacked you earlier" seems like a great line at this hour. Another great quote: "Just because I don't live with you any more doesn't mean I've forgotten how to live" (I seem to remember an ex-girlfriend saying something like that). Also: "Hi, I'm Erik Estrada...start planning your future by owning Arkansas real estate" (Ok, that was from a commercial).