Bling Bling

I thought I had seen some truly awful films in my time but 'Bling Bling' has redefined what awful can entail. It probably the worst film it's possible to rent from blacklist, sorry, Blockbuster video.

Unlike some other terrible films such as those of the cruelly prolific Godfrey Ho (see Ninja Terminator etc.) Bling Bling does have a plot, of sorts. I believe it's something about rapping and killing although there isn't really much of either and there is unfortunately a total lack of any bling whatsoever. Unless of course, you count 10 seconds of library footage of a helicopter as bling.

I have no idea what film school Michael Clayborne learnt his fantastic skill of destroying cinema, one frame at a time. But his style of using grainy, low quality, presumably broken home-video equipment makes Bling Bling almost impossible to watch. Clayborne wrote, directed, starred and produced this monstrosity and I don't understand how he could put his name on it without being ashamed and disgusted with himself.

The sound is so low-fi that it's often impossible to hear the ad-libbed drivel which slowly cascades from one confused character to another. The ambient hiss is unbearable.

I can't understand how this movie was distributed in Blockbuster. It's one of the worst I've ever seen.