User reviews

The sheer stupidity of this movie I can get past. But the fact they tried to take themselves seriously for this pile of crap I can't. You really don't want to see this movie, and if I hadn't gotten a free copy of it, I wouldn't have seen it either. Do yourself a favor, go watch Gremlins, cause this movie isn't scary, funny, or sexy. They want you to think so, but it just isn't

Julie Strain, what were you thinking????

In this unofficial sequel to Critters (or maybe it's Ghoulies), a bunch of evil latex puppets terrorize anyone foolish enough to partake in BDSM. The sad part is, there's almost an interesting idea here, but it is totally wasted. It would have been nice if the writer would have actually done some research, rather than just watching Exit to Eden a couple of times and assuming he knew anything about the fetish community.

There's a goofy walkthrough by Scream Queen Julie Strain (which may be the highlight of the movie, sad to say). This movie would make Lloyd Kaufman, Roger Corman and Charlie Band cringe.

I can't imagine why anybody would NOT want to see a film with a name like Blood Gnome. However, be warned: while the title and cover might lead you to expect something along the lines of a cheap Critters/Ghoulies rip-off for the 21st century, it's actually more like a BDSM promotional film that just happens to have knee-high bloodthirsty goblins from another dimension scampering about in the background. I'm serious.

The other thing about Blood Gnome is that, while undeniably entertaining in a no-budget, student film kind of way, it doesn't have an ironic or self-aware bone in its body - as evidenced by the 'Making Of' documentary, which you soon realise is a minor gem in itself as the producer and director pour praise upon their stars' "marvellous performances", the lead actors (who come off like the slower cousins of Louis Theroux and Juliette Lewis) ramble on about sleep deprivation method acting, the 'effects' people show off their atrocious puppets which can't even stand up straight yet the film shows in badly-lit close-up every chance it gets...

See it only if you know what you're getting yourself into, and relish the prospect (i.e. if you firmly believe that Slugs is one of the best comedies of all time). Don't bother if you're looking for a genuine horror flick: the only thing that's remotely scary about Blood Gnome is the idea that it could really be someone's labour of love.

"Let's start a production company. What have you always wanted to make a film about?" "Bondage. Oh, and invisible vampire muppets."

This is the first new "nasty little buggers on the loose" movie since, probably the last Critters film in the 90's, that I've seen sneak it's way onto Blockbuster's shelves. So what does this film have that previous little hellion-based films don't have? Gratuitous nudity and tons of S & M, that's what.

This movie is apparently about a woman who had a bunch of tiny little monsters living with her that are called "Blood Gnomes." The woman is into sado-masochism, and lo and behold, so are the little monsters because they really get off on eating those types of people. You know, people that like bondage and that sort of crap. Well, of course, these little monsters are leaving a lot of dead kinky people in their wake and the police simply must investigate the deaths. Well, plucky crime scene photographer with a problematic past (of course) begins to see the little monsters at the crime scenes. Oh and he gets involved with a chick that operates a BDSM store—so it has a tender side, too. Just for you softies out there. Hey, it sounds pretty stupid, but is at least more tolerable than some of the crap coming out Hollywood these days that's being called "horror."

Here's the breakdown:

The Good:

--The tons and tons of nudity is really nice. What'd you expect here? Acting?

--The movie is surprisingly watchable for a low-brow, straight to DVD movie.

--Amusing story.

--Decent blood and gore.

Didn't Hurt It, Didn't Help:

--The acting is nothing special, but not as bad as I had feared.

--The look of the puppets is pretty cool, if not very original—they do look an awful lot like the Ghoulies and those little buggers from "The Gate."

--Uninspired music and average atmosphere.

The Bad:

--The little blood gnome guys look awfully puppety every now and then—and very rubbery.

--While the nudity and S&M crap really make the movie watchable, it feels like that's the only reason to watch this film.

--While amusing, the story is also nothing exceptionally new or special.

--Some of the acting is pretty bad.

--The writing is awfully unsophisticated.

The Ugly:

--Occasionally, characters talk to themselves in a mindless attempt to let us, the viewer, know what they're thinking. Apparently, the filmmakers didn't know any better way to do it.

--Claustrophobic camera use with an offensively high amount of close-ups. There was approximately three long shots in the whole film—that's hardly an exaggeration.

--Spends more time meandering around as a really soft-core nudie flick with S&M subtleties than it does building atmosphere for a good horror flick.

Memorable Scene:

--When the hero actually talks with the blood gnomes—via an internet instant message program! Really!

Acting: 5/10 Story: 6/10 Atmosphere: 3/10 Cinematography: 2/10 Character Development: 4/10 Special Effects/Make-up: 7/10 Nudity/Sexuality: 8/10 (lots of nudity, though mostly chests and asses of women, with mild S&M) Violence/Gore: 7/10 Dialogue: 5/10 Music: 4/10 Direction: 6/10

Cheesiness: 6/10 Crappiness: 2/10

Overall: 5/10

Hey, if you like horror movies with total assloads (pun intended) of nudity and some decent violence and funny little creatures that like hurting people, then weirdo, this one's for you. People who like their movies with a lot of quality might want to steer clear.

(www.ResidentHazard.com)

Sometimes you do wonder how some scripts ever made it to the production stage, let alone release. this is the finest example of such a film I have ever seen.

The plot ("justification for an S&M gnome film") revolves around the attempts of a crime-scene photographer to fathom the injuries suffered by individuals killed during S&M. We soon find out they were caused by killer gnomes under the dominion of a drug-dealing dominatrix. Who in turn, is under the control of a gnome producing octopus that most would expect to be contently spending its days menacing Dr. Who.

This film is farcical at best, although I do respect anyone who can sit through the whole of it without trying to attack the TV. I only watched it all myself as I was under very forceful duress.

No matter how much fun it seems to rent this film on the basis of a title that appeals to all drunken students, do not under any reason, unless you take immense pleasure in inflicting great pain on yourself and your friends.

1/10

I was in the mood for a bad horror movie. So I bought this one for very cheap. but I didn't expect it to be this cheap. Shot on home video quality, with long boring scenes. They tried to be funny but weren't. They tried to make it erotic (with some s&m stuff) but that didn't work either. Hoping for some laughs and an over the top climax. They didn't give it to me. As I watched it out to the end, hoping to see the mother creature and not be disappointed. It wasn't meant to be. Because they only showed small parts of the creature {it was in a box}.

If you think 2 dollars is cheap for a horror movie: think again because it's a big rip off.

Invisible, blood thirsty gnomes from another dimension kill people who are engaging in some S&M! Yes, really!! Utterly crazy plot with no explanation to this madness. Micro budget movie, so perhaps having the creatures invisible saved money on special effects (they can, however, been seen through the lead character's video camera & to be fair the effects are actually quite reasonable). As S&M is central to this film there is a lot of sex & nudity, which does hep detract from the awfulness of this ridiculous movie. Wooden is generally poor & in one scene a guy can be seen in the background setting up a prop. This is a seriously bad movie - I expected nothing less - but there is some fun to be had from watching it too.

gnome n.

One of a fabled race of dwarf like creatures who live underground and guard treasure hoards. In the occult philosophy of Paracelsus, a being that has earth as its element.

Nome A city of western Alaska on Norton Sound and the southern coast of Seward Peninsula. It was founded as a gold-mining camp in 1896 and was an important center of the Alaskan gold rush from 1899 to 1903.

Population: 3,500.

No wonder you hate every movie you see. You are a complete farking moron.

If you haven't figured it out by now, chances are a direct to video horror movie is GOING to be low budget and have less than stellar actors and actresses.

Luckily Blood Gnome actually had some decent acting in it and some of the scenes even reminded me of early Sam Raimi work, Evil Dead in particular.. scenes that are very difficult to pull off shooting with a video camera. While the puppets are somewhat stiff (Think Ghoulies as opposed to Gremlins)They get the job done and are designed well. The scene with the birth of a Blood Gnome particularly stands out. In my opinion if any scenes in these type of cheap (and I mean cheap... this flick probably cost around $100,000) horror flicks stands out... Then the movie serves it's purpose and isn't a "waste of 84 minutes of life that you'll never get back"

The fact that the movie is loaded with naked chicks and gratuitous, fairly well done gore makes this worth at least a rent. For all the nay-sayers, buck up and try and watch some REAL direct to video turds like Graveyard Thrillers or Blood Lake... You'll be be singing the praises of a movie like this.

There are those movies you instantly regret spending time and money on, even if you don't have anything better to do and the DVD you found in a bargain bin only cost $0,89. "Blood Gnome" is a film that sits in the category 'barely watchable' due to intolerably amateurish acting and directing, the total absence of plot-logic and structure, infuriatingly incompetent shot-on-video sound & vision, and endlessly long and boring padding footage. The zero-talented writer/director, a guy named John Lechago, apparently found it necessary to share his two personal fetishes with the world, namely perverted BDSM and deformed garden gnomes. The result is a dud without any redeeming elements whatsoever.

Daniel (Vinnie Bilancio), a crime scene photographer who's just recently back from a mental hospital, stumbles onto a devious plot involving the BDSM community, grisly murders, and gnomes (make that invisible gnomes that only he can see via his broken inferred camcorder) Of course no one believes him so it's up to Daniel, with some help from Devinity (Melissa Pursley) who teaches him the ways of BDSM, to save the day.

This is an ultra low-budget mess of a film that I found awful due to the horribly wooden, stunted dialog and sub-par special effects (I've seen scarier muppets). It didn't help matters that the plot itself is groan-worthingly atrocious. Put all those rancid ingredients together and you have a movie that just screams of epic fail.

Eye Candy: Elizabeth Hayden Grace, Melissa Pursley, Julie Strain, 'zen', & 'zero'Danial (Vinnie Bilanchio) and get topless; Heather Darling shows T&A; Athena Demos shows everything

My Grade: D-

Where i saw it: Netflix online via Xbox 360

This movie is like a soft-core porn with a decent horror movie premise. Add a bit of bondage, HP Lovecraft, gratuitous nudity, in case the audience blinked some more gratuitous nudity, some bondage, in case the audience blinked some more bondage, and now you have Blood Gnome.

The film makers can proudly look down into the cess pool of cinematic crud and proudly say that: "That turd is mine!" A crime scene investigator discovers a bizarre series of crimes in the BDSM community and finds that they are perpetrated by evil gnomes, that only he can see. Our lead character even has a back story. This is a very ambitiously bad movie.

It was made on a low budget, but I don't consider that an excuse for making a bad movie. However, when a person realizes that they are making a bad movie and they decide to make it properly terrible, you get a Great Bad movie. If Ed Wood had taken a moment to truly bask in the glory of his horrific masterpieces, and found the humor in them, then the movies probably would have gained a following during his lifetime. Alas, now we see his Best Worst movies ever as trashy gems of an age ago.

Blood Gnome is a trashy gem which borders between the realm of a sloppily made horror movie and a well-done porno. It's worth watching if you really want to pick it apart and examine it. It's fun to watch as long as you realize that you're not watching a good movie.

As I just watched this film, and seen the Behind The Scenes the director immediately noticed us about how low budget this movie is. Indeed it's low budget. What I also found on the net was that everybody thought that they were ripped off due the fact of the DVD cover, well over here the cover showed us what we could expect. Some kind of little monster. The acting is not all convincing but they used every thing they should use. Excausting the actors, teaching them how to fight, using stunt actresses and bringing in a real SM mistress, Julie Strain. And that's the main part in this flick, a lesson in soft core BDSM. There is a bit of gore, a lot of blood and a lot of nudity due the BDSM scene's. The monsters are sometimes convincing and sometimes real puppets but hey, if you're in the bizz then there is worser, remember Things or Beasties, those movies are doing the same but the story lines are worser and the monsters are terrible. That's the reason that I gave it a 4, for the effort they did to make this watchable flick.

I am an American living in Japan and have had the good fortune to have a local video store stocked full of movies that I have not seen in the United States in years. I have always enjoyed a bad movie that makes me laugh and I hoped that "Blood Gnome" would fill this niche. Unfortunately, this movie is just bad. "Blood Gnome" is movie that somehow managed to elicit enough interest to finance it. The result is a finished product that only a high school student with a video camera could be proud of. This quasi soft-core porn may be worth your time if you are the type of movie fan who really enjoys being miserable. Despite this, I did chuckle twice during the hour and a half just at the sheer lameness of what I was viewing. So if that is enough to keep your attention some evening, then perhaps this movie is for you!

The lighting, acting and cinematography are average compared to other low budget horrors. What really made this movie different and somewhat interesting in a bad way was the BDSM present through out the movie. What made the movie above average was the gore shots.

The pedantic AD & D / Tolkien dork in me says that the title is semantically incorrect. Gnomes are nice little humanoids that are close to nature. The worse crime they commit is pick pocketing. So I believe the title should be Blood Goblin or Blood Golem... (sorry I had to).

I believe the only way this movie could have been better (besides not making it at all) would be to have more shocking gore and dark humor.

If you are considering renting this film then do so! Go down to blockbusters, rent "blood gnome" get some ice cream, a load of beers and get a small group of your friends together. I guarantee you will have a great time watching this movie. It's funny as hell, it is both witty and silly at the same time and has that real "excessive" feel to it.

What makes this film special is its sheer defiance to accept reality. It cost next to nothing and the script calls for a special effects masterpiece, yet they somehow manage to pull it off with a real charm to it!

This is a really enjoyable movie and a thoroughly good laugh. In short: See it.

Blood Gnome was shot on non-HD digital. That said, this really is a bigger movie than its low-budget lets on. The story of invisible blood thirsty gnomes stalking, and eating, the members of the Los Angeles BDSM community is quite original, and a reflection of the twisted mind of the writer/director, John Lechago. While the plot line is original, the story unfolds in the familiar formula of any of a number of bigger budget horror films in theaters today, complete with a villain's monologue at the film's climax. Character introduction and story exposition are paced appropriately and Lechago does a nice job of capturing the moods of scenes. For the most part the acting is solid, especially the lead role of "Daniel" played by Vincent Bilancio. Of course, the real stars of the film are the blood gnomes, who's design and construction provide the necessary campy horror elements to make this picture fly; those, and the BDSM couple that plays a titillating game of "pig and butcher" before meeting their gruesome demise. If there is any knock on this film it's that the leading ladies don't exactly fall into the bombshell babe category that horror film aficionados (and teenage boys) have come to expect. But that said, there is a brief appearance by B-movie maven, Julie Strain which helps bring the babe and breast factor up a few notches…if you're in to that sort of thing. All in all, the film delivers on its claims. Pop in the DVD, grab a few friends and enjoy a low-budget horror film with a few high-budget surprises.

When Daniel, a crime-scene investigator, discovers the truth behind a series of bizarre sex murders, no one really believes him.

Very slow poorly directed movie that goes no where.

The Gnomes a re rubber and there despite the other reviews, there is no nudity or S&M. Where did that come from? I suspect from peeps who worked on the movie and wanted you to watch.

Poorly acted.

Poorly directed.

Poorly written.

Garbage.

Not worth your time in the slightest.