Torque, la route s'enflamme

This movie was made because of the success of the Fast and the Furious. But in this they decided to use fast motorcycles instead of cars. A can't miss, right! What were the producers thinking when they decided to spend 40 million on this? The extremely thin plot revolves around our "hero", Ford, who is set up for a murder by the bad guy. The guy killed is the brother of our anti"hero", Trey, who of course isn't so bad after all. Then there is a twist involving the FBI cop, but if you couldn't see it coming a mile away, then this is your first movie.

There were many outrageous stunts in this. OK, I could get past two guys jumping a ramp onto a moving train and then driving through the train cars. And racing through a bunch of trees without getting killed. And I can even get past the ridiculous fight on motorcycles between the two girls. But the last 15 minutes where it looked like a video game was too much. It was so silly, them saying this bike could go over 200 mph, and then he does it through crowded city streets. Someone would be dead in seconds from running into something.

But, I must give props to Martin Henderson. He was very hot and I never heard of him before. Hopefully, he'll get more mainstream movie roles because I sure don't mind looking at him for a couple of hours.

FINAL VERDICT: If you like movies with ridiculous stunts, then this one is for you. Also, if you want a good look at a hot new actor, check out Henderson.

A lot of people think that I love the "Charlie's Angels" movies because I think they're "so bad, they're good", when that's actually not true. On the contrary, I think they are pretty smart (especially in the precise way they constantly reference pop culture in clever and heartfelt ways). And yes, they are totally silly and unrealistic and goofy, but what I like about that is that it's completely intentional (which is what most people don't get, and is so obvious to me).

"Torque", on the other hand, is a perfect example of a movie that is TRULY so bad, it's good. Or at least enjoyable in a surreal, lunatic sort of way. This movie seriously doesn't have a brain in its head.

In every sense a B-movie, it most resembles those gleefully exploitive, low-budget movies that Roger Corman and Russ Meyer made decades ago, where biker gangs did battle with their switchblade-toting girlfriends at their side. And it's every bit as silly as it sounds, which could be either good news or bad news for you, depending on what kind of filmgoer you are.

Personally, I knew it was crap the whole time, but still had a blast watching it. The story is ridiculous and the dialogue is ludicrous (these characters exist in a world where when a girl says "Nice bike", the guy says "Nice a**" and she LIKES it). But I cannot fully resist a movie in which two improbably beautiful biker chicks stare each other down on their bikes in a photogenic, deserted alleyway (both of them in front of huge product logos, for extra giggles), one of them yells "Bring it on, b****!", the other whips out a switchblade, and then they charge! As a classic B-movie enthusiast, I offer no apologies for having fun watching a scene like that.

It's really not all bad, either. Martin Henderson and Monet Mazur have some genuinely nice and tender scenes together, and the great, color-conscious cinematography makes everything look so shiny you could eat off the screen. Jamie Pressly is an absolute hoot as the evil biker chick, and Adam Scott scores some laughs as a conceited F.B.I. agent.

Also, several of the action scenes are pretty amazing, once you get over the idea that this movie is obviously not taking place on planet Earth, but rather some video game universe or a 12 year-old's dream.

I wish Ice Cube was off doing the kinds of good movies he used to make (like "Three Kings", the original "Friday", "Boyz N The Hood", "Higher Learning", "Ghosts Of Mars"...), but he contributes some laughs as one of the heavies here. I do wish he had changed his expression at least once, though. You know the one where he grits his teeth and curls his upper lip so that he look like he hates your guts and steam is about to come out of his ears? That's the one that he has throughout the entire movie.

Basically, I'm not gonna fight for this movie or anything, I realize it's of essentially no value. I'll just say that it made it easy for me to shut off my brain and I enjoyed it, and maybe you will too. I give "Torque" 3 stars the same way I would give "Switchblade Sisters" 3 stars. They're awful and cheesy, but a hell of a lot of fun, and that counts for something, doesn't it?

The whole setup of this movie is to make cash. From the beginning the movie just looks overproduced. When I tuned in I even thought it was some kind of commercial, and I was right because this whole movie is basically a advertisement for motorbikes. The way a sign at the start reads "cars suck", the comments throughout the film "thats why I hate 4 wheels!". Its pretty obvious, even though you can't really take stuff like that serious.

There are a lot of errors in this film as well, but what I didn't like about this film is that it focuses too much on the bikes and vehicles. Believe me when I say that this has nothing else to offer then people racing against each other with a very thin plot about a guy who gets framed for a murder he didn't commit. Thats basically the entire premise of this movie, so if you are not into bikes and cars (yes those people exist) then you can scratch this movie from your list now.

One aspect that was not that bad was the use of CGI to create a kind of hyperdrive-feeling during some of the driving/chase scenes. But again, this feels like a bike-commercial quickly. Hell, they could paste a Yamaha-logo at the end of a driving-sequence in Torque and there you go; a perfect TV-commercial.

The characters also are nothing different from the typical Hollywood-stuff, and they are just as thin as the plot they are representing. The acting could be worse, but the dialog is the most awful and laughable tripe you will ever hear. If bikes are your life and you always wanted something like Fast and the Furious but with bikes then give this a try, if you want a good movie then just avoid this.

This should have been much much better. Is it too much to ask for a brainless action flick that actually entertains! There is too much CGI which ruins the action scenes, the screenplay is clichéd, and the characters mostly annoying. Ice Cube seems embarrassed by some of the dialog he has to utter. This would have been better off as a tongue-in-cheek campy thriller. Sadly, the writers expect us to take what's spoken seriously. Martin Henderson looks lost most of the time. Some outrageously inserted product placement further adds to viewer misery. Avoidable.

Overall 2/10

Well, I've just killed 81 minutes of a Sunday evening watching "Torque".

And I enjoyed it!

The chase scenes got more ludicrous as the movie progressed, finally ending up with a CGI orgy that bore little resemblance to real life (in fact it was pure arcade game).

The plot was also fairly predictable, drawing plot elements & ideas from movies as varied as "The Fast & The Furious", "Tron" and "The Warriors", with the ever-popular "bent cop" thing thrown into the mix as well.

But the chicks were seriously HOT, the dudes looked cool, Ice T was at his sneering, snarling baddest best and the heavy-metal soundtrack drove the film along at a great pace.

The 3.0 rating here doesn't do it justice and on balance I'd say that if you don't sit down to watch this expecting any sort of high-brow entertainment and enjoy seeing good-looking girls in tight biker costumes and some fast-paced action, you won't be too disappointed.