Sean Pertwee credited as playing...
Wells
- Sergeant Harry Wells: We are now up against live, hostile targets. So, if Little Red Riding Hood should show up with a bazooka and a bad attitude, I expect you to chin the bitch.
- [Cooper tries to push Wells' intestines back into his stomach]
- Sergeant Harry Wells: My guts are out Coop!
- Cooper: We'll just put 'em back in then!
- Sergeant Harry Wells: They're not gonna fucking fit!
- Cooper: Of course they'll fit, man!
- Cooper: Werewolves spend most of their time in human form, right? And the only people for miles around live right here.
- Spoon: So these things aren't about to give up the fight and go home...
- Cooper: They ARE home.
- Sgt. Harry Wells: Yeah, that makes perfect sense. I mean, think about it. We bust into their house, we eat all their porridge, we sleep in their fucking beds. No wonder they're pissed.
- [Cooper is trying to stitch up Wells's wounds]
- Sergeant Harry Wells: Cooper, knock me out. HIT ME.
- [Cooper hits him]
- Sergeant Harry Wells: I said knock me out, you fuckin' pussy.
- Cooper: Go on then Bruce, what scares you?
- Bruce: The self-destructive nature of the human condition.
- Spoon: You're just taking the piss now.
- Cooper: What about you, Spoon?
- Spoon: Castration.
- Cooper: There's no argument there. Joe?
- Joe: Only one thing guaranteed to put the shits up me: a penalty shoot-out.
- Cooper: Figures. Terry?
- Terry: Watching a penalty shoot-out... with Joe.
- Bruce: What about you, Coop?
- Cooper: Spiders. And women. And... spider-women.
- [They all laugh]
- Terry: I want to know what scares the Sarge.
- Spoon: Piss off man, nothing scares the Sarge.
- Sergeant Harry Wells: I don't know about that. The thought of never seeing my wife again scares the shit out of me. That and those little things that make your skin crawl and a hair stands up at the back of your neck.
- Joe: You mean like Spoon?
- [Spoon looks at him]
- Sergeant Harry Wells: No, there's one thing, actually, in particular that I'll remember until the day that I die. Yeah it's back in '91, just before my unit was flying out to Kuwait to mop up the last pockets of resistance. Me and his young fellow called Eddie Oswald decided to go and get a tattoo done to commemorate our first trip into the desert.
- Bruce: I remember Ed. He was a stocky hard case with a broken nose and a bone eye, eh?
- Sergeant Harry Wells: Yeah, that's him. Good looking fellow. Big hit with the ladies. Anyway, me and Eddie, we went and had a few drinks. We had a lot of drinks. And we went down to the tattoo parlor, and I got a desert rat done. And Eddie being Eddie wanted something a bit more meaning. And being a bit of a believer, he said that his soul still belonged to God. But his flesh-- well his flesh was way beyond redemption. It was up to Satan to save his skin. So he got this fucking great laughing devil tattoo, right on his ass. Anyway, about six days later, we were making a regular sweep along the, uh, Iraqi border. And, uh, Eddie, poor fucker, triggered an antitank mine. Yeah. We all saw it happen. He was on point. A white blinding lightning flash and a fucking deafening crack. By the time we picked ourselves up off the deck, Eddie was... He was gone. Just bits and pieces of him. It's all that remained. This big fucking red circle a hundred meters. I'll tell you something, lads. It really puts things in perspective when you have to scoop your mate up with a shovel and stick him in a bin bag. Anyway, the thing that really did our nuts in that day was when you, uh, came across the bit you recognized. A bit of an ear, a toe, a nose, a tooth. The thing that really freaked us out that day was when left-hand Charlie found a bit of Eddie with the tattoo on. I mean, everything else was burned to a crisp covered in claret. All mushed up, pocked up. Not this bit. This bit was perfect. And there's old Nick chortling his fucking ass all off at us. So you could say that Eddie was right. That Satan did indeed save his skin, just not all of it. Or you could say that Eddie was just unlucky. Either way... It taught me to keep a very open mind. Boom, boom. Anyway. Eddie Oswald.
- Cooper, Joe, Terry: To Eddie.
- Sergeant Harry Wells: I just didn't make it out this time, that's all. When I signed my life away on that dotted line, I fucking meant it. I am a *professional soldier*.
- Sergeant Harry Wells: I am not breaking radio silence just cos' you lot got spooked by a dead flying fucking cow.
- Wells: If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya. Because we're firing blanks doesn't mean we have to be thinking nice thoughts. So you remember, you keep the fire down, right, you get stuck in and you kick their fucking teeth out, or I guarantee you, Joe, they will be eating your bollocks for breakfast, sunshine.
- Terry: Hard-boiled or fried, Sarge?
- Wells: Scrambled.
- Spoon: So this bloke walks into a pub right, with a little dog under his arm. Puts it down on the bar, goes and sits down. The bar-tender's lookin' at him thinking "what the fuckin' hell's goin' on here?". Then he looks back at the dog, and to his surprise the dog turns around and...
- [Dead cow drops into camp]
- Cooper: Fuckin' cow.
- Spoon: Fuckin' hell.
- [Terry fires at it]
- Wells: Cease fire, Terry. Cease fire.
- Joe: Terry, what the hell are you doin'? You're firing blanks man.
- Wells: Is everyone all right? Is everyone OK?
- Spoon: Nah, man, I think I've shit meself.
- [Drunk, having been given whiskey as a pain killer]
- Sergeant Harry Wells: Absolutely fucking top fucking bollocks!
- [Joe watching the cow roasting on the fire]
- Joe: Is anyone else thinking what I'm thinking?
- Bruce: You are joking aren't you?
- Spoon: You fuckin' animal.
- Joe: Yea, you're all thinking the same thing aren't you?
- Spoon: Mmmm.
- Joe: Right lads, how do ya like your steak done?
- Wells: You bunch of dirty bloody savages. You lot make me sick. God.
- Sergeant Harry Wells: [referring to the possibility that he is now a werewolf] With Ryan it onlt took a couple of hours mate. It's a full moon. I don't know, maybe it's like when you need to take a piss or something, I don't know. When you gotta go, you gotta fucking go.
- Cooper: Yea, well maybe it's more like needing a shite. Just cos you need one doesn't mean you drop your kegs and pinch one off. Anyway, fuck Ryan. Shifty bastard could've been one of those things from the start.
- Megan: I'm sorry. When I found you out there tonight I truly believed you were the best chance I had of getting out. But now we have no chance. There is no out there never was. I came here to be at one with nature when I got what I wanted... . now I have to live with it.
- Cooper: There's no house in the next glen.
- Megan: No.
- Cooper: And there were no werewolves in the barn when it blew.
- Megan: Not one.
- Cooper: And the reason you're not in the photograph is because you took it.
- Megan: I never meant to..
- Cooper: [interrupts her] you women. Same old shit.
- Megan: Being nice to women will get you nowhere Cooper. Being nice to me will get you killed. You may think they're all bitches but... I'm the real thing.
- [she starts to transform but she painfully represses it]
- Megan: Do you think I like being part of this fucked up family? You think I chose to run with the pack? No. I chose you. But now you're out of luck, and I'm out of time, and all we can do is let nature take its course. They were always here. I just unlocked the door. It's that time of the month.
- [Werewolves appear behind her, she lifts her face up hissing with her fangs as her eyes glow yellow]
- Sergeant Harry Wells: [Wells shoots Megan in the face causing her fall to backwards] Somebody had to put her out of her misery.
- [Wells trapped in the toilet by attacking werewolves]
- Cooper: Sarge. Sarge?
- Sergeant Harry Wells: I'M IN THE KHAZI.