Carol Burnett credited as playing...
The Wife
- The Wife: Why watch me die like Eliza on the ice?... Take back the cake, burn the shoes, and boil the rice!
- The Wife: Wedding, what's a Wedding? It's a prehistoric ritual where everybody promises fidelity forever which is maybe the most terrifying word I've ever heard.
- The Wife: Here's to the girls who just watch, aren't they the best? When they get depressed, it's a bottle of Scotch, plus a little jest. Another chance to disapprove, Another brilliant zinger, Another reason not to move, Another vodka stinger! I'll drink to that.
- The Wife: A knife would be perfect,
- The Young Woman: A gun would be perfect,
- The Wife: It's quick and it's quiet,
- The Young Woman: At least I could try it,
- The Wife: I hear they do wonders
- The Young Woman: And you can do wonders
- The Wife: With poisonous gas.
- The Young Woman: With slivers of glass.
- The Wife: There's always the quarry,
- The Young Woman: There's always curare,
- The Wife: She'd never be found.
- The Young Woman: I have some around.
- The Wife: A noose is efficient,
- The Young Woman: Bamboo is efficient,
- The Wife: She won't make a sound.
- The Young Woman: As long as it's ground.
- The Wife, The Young Woman: [echoing] Whatever will do it, if anything will. There's nothing as low as a woman.
- The Wife, The Young Woman: [unison] SHOOT TO KILL!
- The Husband: Somebody, hold me too close. Somebody, hurt me too deep. Somebody, sit in my chair and ruin my sleep and make me aware of being alive, being alive.
- The Narrator: Somebody, need me too much.
- The Wife: [echoing] Somebody, need me too much.
- The Narrator: Somebody, know me too well.
- The Young Woman: [echoing] Somebody, know me too well.
- The Husband, The Narrator, The Young Man: Somebody, pull me up short, and put me through hell, and give me support for being alive.
- The Narrator: Make me alive!
- The Husband: [echoing] Make me alive!