Elmo Shropshire credited as playing...
The Narrator • Grandpa
- Narrator: The way I see it, you can divide the world up into two kinds of people: those who like fruitcake, and the rest of us.
- Cousin Mel: All you have to do is sign.
- Grandpa Spankenheimer: Sing?
- Cousin Mel: No, sign.
- Grandpa Spankenheimer: Fine.
- Cousin Mel: So sign.
- Grandpa Spankenheimer: I'd rather sing.
- Grandma Spankenheimer: [about the inflatable tree] Where's the jabbing yourself with pine needles? Hanging ornaments? The old-fashioned smell of a genuine Douglas Fir?
- Grandpa Spankenheimer: If you want old fashioned smells, I'll get my fishing boots.
- Jake Spankenheimer: You saw it, didn't you, Grandpa?
- Grandpa Spankenheimer: I'm sorry, did you say something? I was too busy watching Grandma get hit by Santa's sleigh. What a sight, sleigh comes out of nowhere, Grandma takes a header into the snowbank, sleigh vanishes, like the Ghost of Christmas Past.
- Cousin Mel: And that's what's known as an advanced case of Santa-Claus-is-Real Syndrome.