Ice Queen

The head line should say it all and to go off on that, it's true. To create a monster nowadays is hard enough, and when you do come up with one that can potentially scare the paste out of someone, it's usually wasted in horrible "horror" movies or commercials.

Let's see, the reason why I rented this movie was because I've kept seeing it popping up at all the rent franchises for 3 months and finally gave in.

Now in terms of already expecting a disappointment, I am not not disappointed but still throw up my hands when pondering if cheap CGI is the all sum total future of movies, then I will cancel all my memberships of the evil celluloid corporations and just buy the classics and F the rest.

And yes, Jennifer Hill is a lovely slice of lemon mering pie but that was not the reason why I had rent this and her lovely synthetic ta-tahs couldn't save the movie even if they busted out of her Victoria Secrets strap case.

Now let me get into the movie. If you don't know what the movie's about, well it's about a doctor and his archaeological team finding the find of the century, a frozen woman from the ice age who has genetic structure solely made out of liquid that is meant to be kept below 30 degrees. The doctor plans to fly his novelty via private charter plane which was infiltrated by some money hungry mercenary type guy while in route get's frozen and kill mid flight, leaving the doctor to steer the plane in a mountain peak causing an avalanche that destroys the small skying community below. In the midst of all of this, all the characters who've survived meet up and try to lead a caravan out of the submerged town, getting killed by the ice queen. And in the end, the two main characters survive with the would be ex-alcholic uncle and his bitch (hehe) who's playing red-cross searcher above.

Okay, for the monster, in the beginning of her introduction was very good for me. The way she moved (writhed) and growled and flicked her tongue made the actresses performance very believable but too much of it made it get played out quick.

As for the brother in the movie, well it's typical for this character type to have the persona of being around white folks through out most of his life but tries to talk black or say a few lines that sound black but very unconvincing. I mean for real, I know that there's brothas almost everywhere but I highly doubt they make collards in the killingtons, if you know what I mean.

The doctor is some kind of crack pot, weirdo which is typical of these doctor types, who some how survives the monster's attacks as if they share some sort of union which compromises the character because the logic is, if you raise a baby croc, it will eat you so I think it would apply here as well.

Also, if such a discovery was found, I don't think the U.S. government wouldn't be involved, since such grants for such things are granted by the U.S. of A and since they know everything, I think some agent would be sent to see how their money is spent. So in reality, there would of been a military personnel present throughout but then again, there wouldn't of been a movie.

Also, the part where the ex-alcholic uncle used emergency services to call for help was turned down by the operator because she'd thought the uncle was going through one of his drunk rants of madness. WRONG-if this were real, that person would of gotten fired because all emergency calls have to be taken seriously, but then again if this was the case, there would be no movie.

Now in summary, I can understand that a lot of things in this movie was poor due to a serious lack of budget but if that's the case, then a movie (no matter how promising) shouldn't be made.

A scientist has found a cave woman from prehistoric times frozen in the ice. She's the Ice Queen. While en route back to civilization, the Ice Queen comes to life, causing the plane they were traveling in to crash into the side of a mountain. The crash causes an avalanche, which deposits the plane, along with several tons of snow, into the main lodge of a ski resort.

This is a generic monster movie. A moronic plot with unnecessary happenings to fill up the length of the movie, below average actors and I can't say anything good about the characters as they are as emotionally thin as paper. The only time I was interested in watching these horrible actors/characters was the pointless sex scene with big fake boobs filling up as much of the screen as possible (it really is my favorite scene from the movie if I had to name one). To sum it up, bad acting.

Gore effects, whilst sometimes extremely amateurish, are quite a bit of fun to endure. It's definitely fake but funny, sometimes Evil Dead type funny. There are some decent crashes pulled off on the screen but are usually followed by horribly crafted CG imagery. If only they had kept this movie totally prosthetic and can the CGI, it may have been able to hold some kind of merit. Alas, they tried to get too Hollywood and make it worse.

Wardrobe design for the Ice Queen and miscellaneous characters are pretty bad, the make-up for the Ice Queen is bearable but only because it makes you laugh. Tee-hee-hee, she look funny.

All they really needed was some more talented people behind the scenes. If only they had a director who could hide that TV movie feel, if only they had a few more decent actors so it doesn't look like a movie filmed by a high school class. It could have rivaled such movies as Pumpkinhead, The Unnamable and Rawhead Rex but falls too short due to its lousy production values.

When you consider the horrible script and bad grammar, nonsensical "science," run on sentences Dr. Goddard had to try do something with, anyone who has any intelligence at all will conclude that the actor who had to speak these lines did an incredible job. In fact, he may be the only true actor in the film! We can only hope someone gives him a good script so those who can't see beyond bad scripts and directing can see how talented he truly is. I saw another review of this film on another web sight in which the review was dead on. I don't recall his name, but he commented that at first you may think the actor playing Dr. Goddard is a bit awkward, but when you realize the horrible lines and situations, and direction he had to deal with, you will also realize he must have the spirit of Brando in him to pull it off half as well as he did! Kudos to Mr. Kuhn for what he was able to do with lines no one could could do anything with. Someone give him a good script!

OMG!!! "Ice Queen" lol. I absolutely love how bad this movie is. The performances are awful, the story is played out, and the special effects are really cheesy. But I have to admit that I enjoyed this movie's terribleness! I totally think they should remake this with Carmen Electra as the Ice Queen, Adam Brody as the male lead, and Tara Reid as the hot dumb blonde. How awesome would that be? That could definitely be a serious Razzie contender. Oh, and they can get Uwe Boll to direct! He'd be great at making it even worse! I can see it now...

UWE BOLL presents "THE ICE QUEEN" starring Carmen Electra, Adam Brody, & Tara Reid lol

Woooohaaaaa!!! This was bad... and once again fun enough for me to sit through it without any problems.

Some prehistoric chic, dug up somewhere in the amazon, gets transported by airplane. The plane crashes at a ski-resort and the cold temperature mutates her into... The Horrible Ice Queen! This film features a wet T-shirt contest (fun!) and there's a blonde bimbo with delicious fake boobies getting naked and having sex in a hot bathtub (more fun!!!). And OMG, will you check out all these wonderful miniatures in this movie! Especially the matchbox cars were superb! The actual storyline of the film? A bunch of dumb twenty-somethings trapped in a big house overrun by snow, getting killed off by the Ice Queen, one by one. And a fat guy running around outside between miniature cars looking for them. I recommend anybody looking for a good time to watch this splendid film. Preferably with beer, pizza and in the company of friends. With a bunch of topless girls that will stay the night.

Under these circumstances, there's absolutely no way you can go wrong with this flick.