- Big Bad Wolf: [approaches the brick house] Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in.
- [no answer]
- Big Bad Wolf: [persistently] Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in!
- [still no answer]
- Big Bad Wolf: [clears his throat] You're supposed to say 'not by the hair of my chinny chin-chin'!
- Miss Piggy: [opens the door] Are you suggesting that I have facial hair, furball?
- Big Bad Wolf: Oh, no, I only meant that...
- Miss Piggy: [attacks him] HYAH!
- Big Bad Wolf: OW!
- [Piggy slams the door on him]
- The Great Gonzo: [narrating] And Sandy Pig *was* really the second little pig.
- Rizzo the Rat: You call *that* a little pig?
- Miss Piggy: [to Rizzo] I heard that, *Buster*!
- Rizzo the Rat: [popping his head out of a popcorn box] Hey, hey, hey! Want some popcorn?
- The Great Gonzo: [mortified] YEEE-UCK!
- Nobleman: Ladies and gentlemen, please calm down. If the emperor is naked, then that must mean that that is the NEW style. Therefore, everyone, doff your duds!
- The Great Gonzo: And as for that rascally band of rats, they lived happily ever after. While serving ten years in the palace dungeon.
- Rizzo the Rat: Just ten years? Hey, it'll go by like that. Ooh Monty, Monty, how long has it been so far?
- Montague the Rat: [Looking at his watch] Twelve minutes.
- Big Bad Wolf: Aww, how quaint: A house of straw.
- Andy Pig: [Snickering, the wolf knocks on the door] Hello?
- Big Bad Wolf: Little pig, little pig, let me come in.
- Andy Pig: Not by the hair of my chinny chin-chin.
- Big Bad Wolf: Then I'll yowl, and I'll howl, and I'll SOIL YOUR TOWEL!
- [Realizing]
- Big Bad Wolf: No, that's not right.
- [Consults "Wolf Handbook", by A. Wolf]
- Big Bad Wolf: Oh yeah, this is better, yeah.
- [to Andy]
- Big Bad Wolf: Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll BLOW YOUR HOUSE DOWN!