- Leo McGarry: This guy's walkin' down a street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out. A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, "Hey you! Can you help me out?" The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole, and moves on. Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, "Father, I'm down in this hole; can you help me out?" The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a friend walks by. "Hey, Joe, it's me. Can ya help me out?" And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, "Are ya stupid? Now we're both down here." The friend says, "Yeah, but I've been down here before and I know the way out.
- President Josiah Bartlet: [Before the State of the Union, Bartlet is counseling a cabinet member on what to do in the event of a terrorist attack] You got a best friend?
- Roger: Yes, sir.
- President Josiah Bartlet: Is he smarter than you?
- Roger: Yes, sir.
- President Josiah Bartlet: Would you trust him with your life?
- Roger: Yes, sir.
- President Josiah Bartlet: That's your Chief of Staff.
- [still new to the White House, Josh can't find his desk]
- Josh Lyman: I'll just walk around some more and see if I can get into a pick-up meeting.
- Reporter: Would the White House care to comment on the expected contrast between the high degree of organization and discipline in the Republican Convention and the Democrats' anticipated free-for-all?
- Annabeth Schott: I believe the American people will be the beneficiaries, in that they will be presented with a clear choice: do they want to be governed by people who are animated, or animatronic?
- Donna Moss: She should stick around. Your whole campaign is like some Dr. Seuss nightmare - One Fish, Two Fish, Dead Fish, We Fought The Good Fight Fish.
- Representative Matthew Santos: I don't care if it's three Bosnians, an Armenian, and a bus full of party clowns!
- Sen. Arnold Vinick: [closing remarks at Republican Convention] My commitment to strive to be worthy of the example of the great men who have gone before. Presidents walk in giant footsteps. They have magnificent legacies to uphold. I stand here on this day and put my name forth, as one who aspires to their example, who will daily make that sacrifice, who will honor not just the office, but the people that office serves. *Their* President of these United States of America.