The Astrologer

Whenever someone asks — and they often do — "What's the craziest movie you've ever seen?" I usually respond with Suicide Cult. I've never had to pick my jaw off the floor more, as watching it felt like the little people I am certain live in my TV were putting on a magical play just for me, using the things I love best. The 1970s. Carnivals. Satanism. Biorhythms. Astrology. Government conspiracies. Religion . This is one film that honestly has it all — and then some.

People also ask me, what movies are you excited about this summer? I always answer, "NONE OF THEM!" Not when bursts of pure unknown crazy can still be unearthed from four decades in the past about psychic killers or astrologers who become giant stars that murder people! I beg you Hollywood! Let maniacs take over your films again!

Read more at bandsaboutmovies.com/2017/08/02/suicide-cult-1975

It may be me, but I was unable to really grasp the plot or follow the story. The acting to me seemed bland and I truly did not care about the story. However, every time Monica Tidwell is on screen, it gets your attention. Monica Tidwell is beyond breathtaking and is a good actor as well. She is pure eye candy and is the strongest attribute of the movie. Monica Tidwell has a limited acting career and was also a professional model in the 70's. There is something about her that keeps you watching. I am not sure, but besides watching her performance, I think there is a plot in the movie as well. Either way, its worth a watch just for Monica Tidwell.

For the record, there are two films titled "The Astrologer", both released in 1975 and 1976. Both are deliriously bad. The 1976 offering is the product of Craig Denney, an auteur/egomaniac who stars in a film that boasts a script that is either an exercise in stream-of-consciousness screen writing or was conceived during an acid trip or fever dream. Denney himself seems to be a big part of this film's allure, and more can be found on him and his "masterwork" elsewhere on the net. That isn't the film being examined here. The 1975 film, directed by Jon Glickenhaus, is its own special brand of bad.

I watched this on Tubi, a service that seems to have a tendency to edit prints of horror/sci-fi films. This may be the case with "The Astrologer", but I can't say for certain, as I have no desire to seek out an uncut version. After watching enough movies--good or competent movies, that is--you instinctively know when a movie isn't up to parr. Movies that aren't show their seams, and this one has its seams showing all over the place. Copious narration that gives lengthy exposition dumps, captions that label the time and date of specific scenes, jarring jumps to different locales, and other technical things that make you suspect various people put their shovels in to edit this mess into their concept of what it should be. One thing that indicates an amateurish/inept production is the heavy use of dubbing. Most all of the secondary or minor characters are dubbed--this is glaringly evident in the scene in which the female lead, played by Monica Tidwell, visits a fortune teller, and again in the dinner scene in which leads Tidwell and Bill Byrd visit a colleague of Byrd's. Interestingly, the one actor who isn't dubbed--but should have been--was Tidwell, whose molasses-thick Louisiana accent is distracting. Tidwell, a former Playboy Playmate, wasn't cast for her vocal talent, as the nude scenes near the end clearly indicate. Casting is another millstone. The self-important subject of the US government using astrology to keep tabs on potential evil threats would, you would think, necessitate casting some name actors to plump up the flick's marquee value, but alas, no. Not even stalwarts like Joseph Cotton, Glen Ford, Donald Pleasance, or Cameron Mitchell could be procured, which speaks volumes about how low budget this thing was--those guys would appear in anything!

Instead, we get Tidwell, as mentioned earlier, Bill Byrd(who?), and the producer, sporting brown body makeup, eyeliner, and a hypnotic stare, sort of looking like a cross between Jesus and Rasputin.

It could be chalked up to a low budget or first-time director, but the whole production looks like a TV series--cheap sets, scenes supposedly set in India but looking like somebody's back yard, and heavy use of stock footage--either a money saving or run time stretching trick, who knows? The film makers also try to shoehorn too much information about government agencies, end-times conspiracies, and the titular astrology into 90 minutes or under 80 minutes, depending on the cut you're viewing. One thing that can be said in this film's favor is that it isn't boring--it lurches from overheated melodrama to exposition dumps to lengthy uses of stock footage to lengthy closeups of the producer as the bad guy to gratuitous gypsy dancing to Monica Tidwell naked. The ultimate question is this: why haven't the crew of RiffTraxx seized on this?

There is a covert government agency called INTERZOD which documents "atrological potential", and tracks individuals whom they deem "astrologically privileged". The head of this agency is married to a wispy little thing who can't understand why her husband won't make love to her. Meanwhile, a man in India is being closely watched by INTERZOD, as his "astrological disadvantage" may be strong enough to consider him a potential Antichrist-type being.

It took me five years to get through my ancient VHS copy of this film, with each viewing putting me about ten minutes further into the story than my previous attempt...truly, this is one BORING little movie...that is, until you've passed the halfway-mark. My determination to finally watch this from beginning to end actually paid off...the second half puts the pieces of the puzzle together(if a tad clumsily), and renders the entire project redeemed of its terminally dull intro. It's not an especially GOOD film, but it has interesting foundations, and is surprisingly professional in its microbudget formulation. I neither wholeheartedly recommend nor dissuade viewing SUICIDE CULT, but you might opt to give yourself a five-year-plan to watch it should it fall into your hands.

5.5/10

I saw this film at my local videostore. The box looked awsome, it had an obscure title, and I'd never heard of it before, so naturally I rented it! Well, it's true when they say don't judge a movie by the cover! This film, directed by James Glickenhaus of 'Slaughter of the Innocence' fame, is a muddled, slow, and hard to catogorize film about a super-intelligent astrologer named "Alexi" who is on the verge of a scientific breakthrough. He thinks he has found a way to merge astrology and advanced computers into a sophisticated science to benefit mankind. How a subplot about a strange cult leader with hypnotic powers who has something to do with the "Second Coming" fits into this plot is beyond any casual viewer!

As you probally can tell the plot is strange to say the least but it is VERY intriguing. If you find this film, rent it just to have your mind baffled for 82 minutes!